A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been separated from my husband for over 2 years. I have a boyfriend and we have been dating for 2 years. I live in a house with my three sons and my Mother. My ex husband presently pays $3500 per month for the mortgage and taxesHe also gives me between $800 and $900 per week for his and my bills and for food, gas, kids expenses. My Mom can only afford to give me $100 a month since she's on social security. I do not work since my youngest is not in school full time yet.My boyfriend spends most of his time at my house. He only leaves 4 times a week to sleep by his sister's house. He works full time. He pays my ex husband $250 a month towards the mortgage. He always pays when we go out whether its with just me, or with the boys. He also gives me $300 -$500 a month for expenses. He does most of the repairs/ maintenance around the house.He showers, eats, sleeps here 4x's a week. I do his laundry.I run errands for him. He had to move his 110 lb. bulldog in too. He also has to have the most expensive cable at $250 a month.Just for my own piece of mind. Is my boyfriend contributing enough? Or does he have made here?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2012): He sleeps over Friday, Saturday & Sunday nights. He sleeps at his sister's house Monday-Thurday. He eats all his meals and showers at my house, he upgraded my cable from basic to gold so my cable bill went up $200 a month. I noticed my utilities and water bills have increased. Ex. just my water/ sewer bill is $1800 a year.
When he was renting he was paying $1300 a month. So he is saving by staying with his sister and myself from what I can see.
Everyone seems to agree he's contributing enough though.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2012): wait a minute, OP. In your original post you say your bf stays over "most of the time", 4x a week, and you're asking if he's contributing enough. Now you say he's over only on the weekends. Big difference. sounds like he's not there very much. He's paying more than his fair share.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2012): I noticed a couple of errors from my first post (my fault).My boyfriend stays over on weekends only. He made a deal with my ex to pay him $250 a month for that arrangement. So my ex is prefectly fine with it. So far this year my boyfriend has contributed $2480 (9 months) if broken down $203 monthly, $50 weekly. Of that money I use it for groceries (7 dinners, days he stays over breakfast and lunch too), utilities (he showers, laundry, etc..) I estimate we spend between $300- $400 monthly on entertainment (I've paid sometimes). He does maintenance around the house. I do most of the yard work and help with the maintenance as well. I power wash, stain the deck, paint the house, etc...I still handle bookings for my ex. Promote his shows. Run off CD's and headshots for him. I do his taxes and never ask for a penny. We got a $10000 tax return also this year and gave it all to my ex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2012): yes your bf is contributing adequately. He's paying your ex toward the mortgage, he's paying you for household expenses, he's doing all the household repairs and maintenance, and he takes you and your kids out. Yes I would say he is doing enough, he's basically taken on the role of 'husband' to you.
you're very fortunate to be a stay at home mom with so much financial support coming in from two men.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2012): I forgot to mention I have the kids full time. My ex can only see them for a couple of hours every 2 weeks. His work takes up much of his time
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2012): Sorry to confuse eveyone but I didn't want to get too personal. There's alot I left out.My "hopefully" soon to be ex is not strapped financially. he makes a great living doing something he loves. I don't want to say why we separated because its personal. I am his 3rd wife. He has 6 children and possible a 7th he told me about when we separated. I'm sorry it didn't work out between us but he's a good man.The $3500 covers the mortgage and taxes. My mother and I put the down payment on the house which between us was $130,000. My ex's ex wife bankrupt him so he had nothing to offer at the time. We have three children together and he didn't not want me to work. He insisted I stay home with the children.The money he gives me weekly pays the bills, just barely. I pay all bills we acumulated over the course of our marriage and his bills (car insurance, life insurance, his retirement fund, etc) except his rent. He doesn't believe in health insurance for the kids so I pay those bills as out of the money he gives me also.My Mom figures she put a large amount of money down so she's off hook. She does give me $100 a month now. She lives on SS and is limited. She's 77 and not in the best of health.I do agree that having my boyfriend stay over 4x's a week is wrong. I do love him very much and plan to get marry him but my ex doesn't want to get divorced. Why? I don't know? I've been asking him for 2 years to sit down with a lawyer and settle this. I will agree to his terms. We get along fine now.When my boyfriend and I started dating he had his own apt. but he lost his job. He moved in with his sister and brother-in-law but they did not want his dog there. So I took the dog. This worked out fine until he felt uncomfortable at his sister's house. He says they argue quite a bit and he doesn't want to get involeved because his brother-in-law now employs him. I know this situation is unusual and a left out other factors but I do appreciate all your opinions.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 October 2012):
 I think the person who has it made is you...
when i split with my first husband I got a bit of alimony as I was a stay at home mom when married. He paid it until I found a job (and I HAVE a DISABLED CHILD too)...
I also got a decent amount of child support from him... he was and still is a great man and a great father..
YOU are a SAHM being totally supported by your estranged husband your mommy (not sure where she lives but if not with you why is she giving your her SS?) and your semi-live in bf
I want that deal.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (3 October 2012):
 You're screwing your ex- for bucks that he could probably get the courts to reduce or eliminate.... You're getting "new B/F" to pay for all your's and his socializing.... and YOU have the audacity to come on this site and ask ANYTHING about this arrangement??????
If'n I were you, I'd take down this submittal... post haste.... and count my blessings that I didn't live in a jurisdiction where prostitution is illegal and actively prosecuted!!!!!
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (3 October 2012):
 I did some math:
Your ex is giving you $6200/month.
Your mom is giving you $100/month. Does she live with you?
Your boyfriend is giving you an average of $600/month.
You're getting $6900-$7000/month. How much are YOU paying to support yourself?? That's the question I have here.
Sounds like your boyfriend is contributing. You don't have to do his laundry and errands because you're not married to him.
I'm more thinking about whether or not YOU are contributing enough, because your husband's $7,000/month is a magnificent amount of support. Will you lose that if you marry your boyfriend? I'm thinking that you will.
Your focus shouldn't be on whether or not your boyfriend is contributing at what level. Your focus should be on whether you can sustain yourself in the event that everyone else's support of you stops.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2012): If anyone is taking advantage of the situation it is you. Your poor ex-husband is paying much too much for you, your kids, mother and shaking-in boyfriend. Your boyfriend pays approximately $750 per month, plus your eating out expenses (I'm sure can add up to several hundred per month) + maintenance around the house. You're looking at a contribution of over $1200 per month at least! Ya I say thats more than enough, more than any rent he'd pay.
How old is your youngest, if he is above 3 its time you start looking for a career and take the load off of you ex. What would happen if he dies suddenly? How will you be able to pay for things then. Also, it's setting a horrible example for your kids to have your boyfriend living part-time there. I think the person not pulling their fair share is you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 October 2012):
 I can't say if it is "enough" as I don't know your expenses, but it looks like he is MORE then willing to contribute and doesn't just "live" of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2012): Why would your boyfriend pay anything towards anything if you have a husband who's still taking on that role?
If you ask me, you need to stop accepting help off your husband, and make your boyfriend pull his finger out.
Look how much of a decent guy your husband must look to your mum, compared to your current boyfriend.
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female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (3 October 2012):
 Hi
You have a generous Ex and a very generous boyfriend!
If mums not working, can she childmind for you while you go to work.That would increase your income if you don't feel its adequate?
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (3 October 2012):
For starters, my mom had FIVE children, and somehow she worked the whole way through and all of us turned out just dandy, so I don't buy your excuse for not working.
My suggestions to you -
1 - Get divorced before you have a bf. "Separated" = "still married," and depending upon which state you live in your husband could use it to take you to the cleaners in court.
2 - Your bf leaves "only" 4 times a week to sleep? Uh - that's the majority of the week. He should only be paying for the things he's using.
3 - Take care of your own responsibilities. Its no ones job to care care of you and your kids except yourself, especially at your age.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (3 October 2012):
 Your boyfriend spends a total of about $750, PLUS he pays for all of your entertainment and handles all the household maintenance.
Out of everyone there, excluding the kids, I'd say YOU had it made.
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