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Slam bam thank you ma'am is all I get!

Tagged as: Dating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 October 2015) 7 Answers - (Newest, 31 October 2015)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, *alshyxo writes:

Hi everyone! I've been with my boyfriend for around 5 months, we've been great, had various issues which soon got resolved. When we first got together we had sex constantly, he would always perform oral sex and we'd have an amazing time, but over the past 2-3 months he doesn't pay me any attention during sex and doesn't make me cum, he cums falls over and goes to sleep so I don't know what to do... Is there something wrong with me?

I buy nice underwear and he doesn't pay attention..

What do I do? I'm seriously in love with him but it's really getting to me. I've told him nermous times how I feel about the situation and nothing changes..

View related questions: oral sex, underwear

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2015):

Start looking for another BF seriously. The competition could bring him back. If it doesn't then you are better of without him.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2015):

Get rid of him! In my experience there is no changing a selfish lover, they make the effort for a while then go back to old ways EVERY time. It'd be different if he didn't know, but you've told him and he won't do anything about it which proves he doesn't care. Oh and to the gentleman who said he might leave you if you stop having sex, to that I say good! My dear, the suggestion that you put up and shut up with shit sector keep a man is both offensive and ludicrous!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2015):

I know the truth hurts but you started having sex with him too soon. With men you need to hold out and make them long for you. He is already started to get bored as you gave in too quickly. do other things together.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (30 October 2015):

Denizen agony auntYou could withhold your sexual favours, but I think on its own that will lead to you breaking up and, you say you love him. So, that probably isn't the out come you want.

This situation needs careful handling in a way which will bring you the outcome you desire.

I think that just stopping sex will drive you further and further apart, until you split.

Certainly it is a good idea to tell him that it is unsatisfactory atm, and if he wants to keep you he needs to do something about it.

It is however a threat you may need follow through with.

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A female reader, jls022 United Kingdom +, writes (30 October 2015):

I agree that you are dealing with a very lazy and selfish lover. Being 'too tired' make sure you are enjoying yourself is a cop out. There is no excuse to get his then leave you hanging.

I agree that I'd stop having sex with him for a while and when he asks why, tell him you don't enjoy yourself so there is no point. You've already tried to talk to him about it and he's done nothing, so the only thing you can do now is stop putting up with it.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (30 October 2015):

Honeypie agony auntIs there something wrong with me?

Nope. You have a LAZY lover for a BF. In the beginning he made an effort to make the sex about you both, now? It seems rather one-sided. Because NOW he HAS you as his GF he can't be bothered to make sex fun for both of you, as long as HE get his.... he is fine.

Sexy undies or not, makes no difference if he is just plain lazy in bed.

The ONLY way this can be resolved is that you TALK to him. TELL him that you think your sexlife is starting to seriously lack enjoyment for you. If he doesn't listen it means HE DOESN'T CARE if you don't really enjoy it. After all.... you stick around for the crappy sex, right? So in his book you MUST be OK with it.

Honestly, I'd stop having sex, no sleep overs for a little while. If he asks you why, TELL him that you don't see the point in the sex, because all he does it "get his" and go to sleep, he can DO THAT without you being there.

He may not change at all. So you have to decide if you are willing to settle for mediocre sex from someone you have ONLY dated 5 months.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (30 October 2015):

Denizen agony auntWhat did he say when you put your side of the problem to him? Work can make people too tired to be romantic. People also get bored with the same old', but it sounds like you were willing to spice it up to make a difference.

In the meantime you might refer to the story of the 'Rape of the Sabine Women' for some ideas.

However I can see you are facing some big questions here. Does he love you like you love him? Is it a passing phase? Can it be fixed.

In truth I don't know. Only exploring the problem - with outside guidance like relationship counselling - will bring you to and answer.

I hope it is a good outcome for you. You sound like you deserve the best.

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