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I thought we were cool but he's went MIA, what went wrong?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 October 2015) 8 Answers - (Newest, 3 November 2015)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, *aybaybay_x writes:

Me and this guy have been going to the same uni for the past three years and have mutual friends.

So mutual that he hangs out with a guy I was heavily involved with.

We hit it off recently. We spoke everyday non stop for a good month and a half and he's had afterparties where literally our friends would be there but me and him will be having our own little chill in the corner. He's always complimenting me and noticing little details. He even carried home one night because I was so drunk and could not walk (according to him lol) I've grown to trust him and see him as one of the good guys..

Since one particular party, he's been asking me to hang which i had to decline first because i was ill, then the second time, i had uni work.

Last werk, he asked me to hang but I was going out so I said I'd come after which I did.

we chilled and drank. (I was tipsy before I came over) it was a good time and we just spoke about music and stuff (we both love music). I stayed at his, we kissed but nothing else. He didnt even try anything tbh lol. and the morning after we had a little chit chat and he got his house mate to drop me home to avoid the 'walk of shame'

This was last week wednesday...

I admit I was waiting for him to contact first but silly me forgot he was preparing for a presentation the morning I was leaving and that he was going abroad for the weekend to attend his mums bday party on friday morning. He said he'd be back on monday...

On saturday he posted a pic of his mother on snapchat so i said she was pretty.. We had a little chat but he didnt respond to my last msg and this was the last time i heard from him... It's now friday...

i dont really know why he hasn't contacted me and I don't want to come off desperate or annoying... I dont know what went wrong...

What should I do?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2015):

well this is just to wish you a very happy birthday this year.

I dont know wether you'll be going out, having friends in or keeping it to family.

I do know that this has been a demanding year for you and if i am not mixing you up with anyone else i think it has had its moments of truama.

Someone wrote a post in november about seeing their ex kissing a bloke and getting jealous.

Take a look so you can understand how people become overtly jealous even after a five month breakup where they have been bedding someone else.

It occurred to me to remind you that possibly your life partner will b found after uni.

Whatever the case is you have done well to keep the study going to attain your targets.

I hope you have something planned for your future progression because when the chips are down and push comes to shove then having made future plans will stand you well.

Many people do this but dont comment on it socially but they all fly off to a new future as a job or enterprise etc.

It is important that you keep forward plannning and dont forget outside friends as uni is very immersive until the day it ends and everyone moves on.

Sorry to hear that mr.popular can throw his popular weight around.

Please make plans now for who you intend to hang out with at xmas because this is another hurdle if unprepared.

I wish you the best of happiness and all future sucess. I have decided to include you in my prayers for a bit, just so you get a little extra spiritual help.

You surely are a very decent person and i will pray that you can meet someone very decent too.

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A female reader, Kaybaybay_x United Kingdom + , writes (2 November 2015):

Kaybaybay_x is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Last weekend,

My ex saw us together at an event and came up to me saying "go talk to him, go dance with him again"

In quite an aggressive manner.

Tbh we see eachother around quite a it and he's an international student so he never has minutes to call.

We usually just text.

I haven't see him around as of late..

It's kinda uncomfortable cos it's my bday on wednesday and if he was so just not show up or ignore that fact...

...

I believe he owes me an explanation, but i feel like my pride wont allow me to ask. And I dont even know how to approach this to be honest.

I know my friends have seen him around but I havent caught up with them as I've been home for the weekend.

I don't believe he haa 100% lost interest either.. :/ we were still fine when i left his house the last time we hung out...

I'm thinking the reality hit him thatbhe would rather be part of the group and drop me, than risk that status for me lol (he is part of the popular males at uni) the guy I used to see is their little leader.

He still watches my snapchats,

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2015):

yes...but have you spoken to him in person ?

Or is it just texting?

I find it hard to believe he has just lost 100% interest.

Did your ex see you that evening as well and could he have done battle for you.

This MIA guy owes you a proper explanation, not a text or facebook reply.

Have any of your mutual friends bar your ex and his current fling seen this bloke about?

You have friends in life and although it is a difficult time you will get beyond these difficult times.

Dont feel alone in the world because you still have family and friends of family and new friends yet to be found.

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A female reader, Kaybaybay_x United Kingdom + , writes (2 November 2015):

Kaybaybay_x is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I reached out to him in our usual manner. He replied but ignored my response. Lol I'm guessing my ex may have had words with him or he feels guilty. He literally went from 100 to 0 after we hung out. Otherwise, he lost interest for whatever reason. Things were fine... Its almost bothering me but not enough to question it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2015):

so did he get in touch with you?

Did you call him or did he just show up?

Or is he still missing in action?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2015):

I think an arguement broke out between him and your ex because your ex doesnt want anyone to become interested in you, preferring to keep you on the back burner so you may have to assert your right to independent action without him sticking his oar in.

Its ironic when your ex has been knocking off your former best friend but i think your ex may be one of those to appear to let you go but then make sure that his/your friends are not allowed to become interested.

If you discover this to be the case then he is still trying to control your life in an underhand manner.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2015):

I do agree with Dennison that there is no shame in being proactive and calling him but i also think there is no harm in playing it cool.

I seem to remember this poster as having a b/f who wasnt all he was cracked up to be , so if this guy is one of your ex friends your ex may have gone into overdrive about how much it would mythically destroy him to see you two together.

However as there has been plenty of water under the bridge since your break up, including a bit of sleaze on his part ,i think you can agree that the rules of righteous indignation dont apply to him here.

But your new interest may be cautious.

However a man is a man and after kissing and cuddling i expect him to be all fired up for you.

Maybe thats the problem.

Maybe hes just waiting a respectable amount of time.

So you can call him or not but your paths will almost certainly cross again somewhere down the line.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom + , writes (30 October 2015):

Denizen agony auntIs it wrong to ring someone or even txt them and ask them if they would like to meet for a drink? No.

You have the, 'Does he? Doesn't he? jitters. If you don't want to wait around biting your fingernails then take action.

'Be bloody bold and resolute,' as the bard said.

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