A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey,So basically what is happening is that my girlfriend won't return the favour. I go down on her to please her whenever he asks, but when I ask her to return the goods she says, I don't feel like it, or, when it's dark. I know penises aren't the most appetizing things on earth, but neither are vaginas. She promises sometimes and then never does it? I just want to know why she isn't doing it?Is it me being selfish?Is it her being selfish?Is she never gonna do it to me, even though she promises sometimes?Should I confront her about it, or leave it be?Should I stop giving her oral?Any replies are greatly appreciated.I would like to add that my girlfriend is 16 and I am 17, we live in the UK, which makes our fornication legal.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): I wouldn't sat she's selfish more uncomfortable with the idea of doing it. You're right, giving blow jobs, in my opinion, isn't the most enjoyable thing on earth but women do it to please their boyfriend/husband.
If your girlfriend isn't comfortable with it then i don't think you should keep pushing her. You could try asking her why she doesn't seem keen on the idea. If it's just because she doesn't like doing it then there isn't much you can do to change her mind.
Blow jobs aren't everything. There are plenty of other things you can do instead.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): Seriously, at this age girls are all over the place. she is most probably worried that she wont do it right and that you will tease her about it or spread rumours that she is rubbish at it, im 21 and i still get funny goin down on my partner, because im not exactly experienced and am worried i'll make a fool of myself. just give her time and space and explain to her you wont force her in to anything she isnt 100% comfortable with. at the end of the day sex is something you should both enjoy not something about returning favours (however annoying it can be) i hope this helps
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A
female
reader, TOASTIE  +, writes (6 June 2011):
Maybe she's just nervous.. chances are if she's 16 she doesn't really know what to do and maybe she's worried that you wont enjoy it or that she'll do something wrong.
If thats the reason i think the best way is to talk her through it be encouraging when she does something you like and don't be to critical.
Try not to put pressure on her ask if she'd like to rather than is she going to... but i understand how you feel things are a little one sided and the best way to make her understand is to explain that... in the nicest way you can so she doesn't feel ambushed or embarrased.
Hope i at least helped a little
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A
female
reader, totty-flossy +, writes (6 June 2011):
 Make sure your always clean and tidy down there!! a little hair cut can make a huge difference!!!!! Also if your quite large it may be that she just simply cant do it to you! Some guys can "pre-come" (little bits of come like substance throughout sexual acts) and this isn't pleasant at all for a girl when we are giving head! If this isn't the case then maybe you should just ask her if she doesn't want to do it. Just sit her down and explain that you would like it but that if she's not happy or comfortable doing it then you will stop asking her! If she admits she doesn't want to do it then don't ask her again and leave it but if she asks you to do it to her only do it if you really want to! Sex isn't about returning the favour but i can understand that its not really fair if your always going down on her and she promises to do it for you but then never does!
You may be surprised! She may do it and really enjoy it and want to do it for you all the time :)
Just talk to her and let me know how it goes :) xx
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (6 June 2011):
To me you have a bad attitute towards sex, just because you want to perform oral on her, does not mean she should have to do it back.
If you don't like it, then you shoudn't be doing it to her. Neither should she feel under pressure to do it to you.
You're supposed to be in a relationship. Sex isn't supposed to be about "favors". If that is how you are looking on it, maybe a FWB or escort is more appropriate for you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (6 June 2011):
 Truthfully I don't buy into the tit for tat mentality about oral sex.
My current bf does not do oral. He has his reasons and he told me that he did not do it prior to us being intimate on that level so I do not expect it. I respect his "limitations" in this area. I miss it but it's not a deal breaker for me.
For him however, NOT getting blow jobs is a deal breaker. Thankfully for him I LOVE to give him bjs and do it as often as he allows... I never think that I'll be getting oral sex back from him if I give him a bj... that's NOT why I do it.
IF the only reason you go down on her is to get her to go down on you, you're doing it for the wrong reasons.
You have to decide if it's a deal breaker for you...
if it is, tell her and let her know... let her make the choice.... if it's not, then you deal with it.
as for you going down, do not do it unless you like it.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 June 2011):
 "I know penises aren't the most appetizing things on earth, but neither are vaginas."
If you think it's so horrible to go down on her then why do you? Plenty of people love to go down and give a woman oral, and don't think it's unappetizing. If that's the approach you are going for you won't win this game!
What you're saying basically is: I suffer through oral for YOU, then you better suffer through it for ME!
That's not how it's going to happen. Instead, try this approach: I love to give you oral, it gives me pleasure to see you enjoy yourself. It is an intimate act that I share with you, and it would feel wonderful if you would do it for me. Then it is something we share together.
Try to tell her her vagina isn't the most appetizing and she wont let you go down on her again no matter how much you want to.
PS. only go down on her because it is something you want. Only do things in sex that you truly enjoy yourself, for itself. Never do something just to get something in return, always do thing you enjoy doing! Sex is something pleasurable shared between two people, it isn't a competition or a tit for tat game. She's not a whore you pay for sex you know... she's your girlfriend. Sex between the two of you is special, don't make it into a chore.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (6 June 2011):
 Have a read of this question - it might help you! http://www.dearcupid.org/question/when-girls-stop-giving-oral-does-it-mean.html
In your case, to answer your questions in order:
1. No you are not being selfish - you are giving her oral and she is not reciprocating, you can never be called selfish in this instance!
2. Yes she is being selfish - if she really does not want to give you oral then she should never ask for it and be ok that you dont give her oral.
3. Sounds like she is not going to give you oral I'm afraid, if she is just making excuses then it sounds like she will always have a new excuse as to why she doesnt want to do it. Chances are the truth is that she doesnt like it and doesnt want to do it.
4. Definitely confront her about it - dont be angry or get into an argument, but talk to her calmly about your issue and try and get to the bottom of her reasons for not doing it. Explain that you enjoy giving her oral, but you feel it is unfair that she never returns the favour and it is becoming a big issue for you.
5. Definitely stop giving her oral until she returns the favour - it might prompt her into seeing what she is doing wrong and why she is being selfish. But until she agrees to give you oral, then definitely dont give her any.
You may eventually find though that she simply doesnt like giving oral and she wont ever want to do it - some girls simply dont like it and wont do it. Oral sex is not the most important thing in a relationship, and you can have a good sex life without oral. But in your case it is completely unfair that one partner gets oral sex and the other does not - this needs to be addressed.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, Taylaa.x +, writes (6 June 2011):
I just have to say from a womans point of view you sound incredibly disrespectful. Just because shes not giving you oral your considering stopping giving her it? However i think there is a problem here.
Just talk to her - ask her if theres something wrong, or if she doesnt like doing it. at the end of the day - its a lot harder for girls to give oral than for guys to do it because its a lot to fit in your mouth. some girls cant stand doing it, like myself i really hate the taste of come, and i cant stand even tasting it a tiny bit. but maybe she is not confident enough to do it for you - the fact that she asks you to do it in the dark is a sign that shes embarrassed or uncomfortable.
Next time your lying in bed together, tell her theres something you want to talk about - make sure you tell her you are not accusing her or trying to offend, but just say you think that you will both enjoy foreplay a lot more if you explore each others bodies and not just hers.
hope this helps - let me know how things go.
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