A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I'm 19 and I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years. We took a gap year round the world together for 5 months having the best moments of our life. We hardly fight, and we have loved each other so much in the last 2 years, and I never would have thought that she would ever cheat on me. We come back and head off to different universities, but stronger than ever, and only an hour away. She even told me before we left she was worried I'd find someone better than her. Yet 3 weeks in and she cheats on me (which is a week before our 2 year anniversary). Its taken her 2 weeks to tell me. I know she's so sorry and hates herself, but is that enough? Can I trust her again? Why would she cheat on me in the first place. I dont know what to do... please help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (25 November 2007):
 Hi sugar, this must be sorry horrible. The trust you had has gone and you need to know if you can re build it again. You need to have some time to think, if she has done it before, what will be different for her not to do it again. The fact she told you is very brave because many people wouldn't. It is your decision but make sure you take all thaughts into your thaughts if you get me :). I hope i helped, Feel free to mail me aout anything x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2007): i keep asking her why she has done this to me, why would she cheat on me, and she keeps telling me she doesnt know. can someone not know why they cheated on you?
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A
female
reader, theothergirl  +, writes (3 November 2007):
you should make sure that you know whether she'll do it again or not. question her. talk to her as much as you need to so you can find out why she cheated on you in the first place.then, if you think that she is kinda sincere maybe you can forgive her and starting over, trying to forget about everything really helps. but after talking to her, if you think shes playing, you should definitely say forget it. Because remember; once a cheater, always a cheater!
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A
male
reader, enjoimx +, writes (3 November 2007):
 I disagree with the above poster!
I think she expressed her fear of you finding someone better and it was genuine fear. She was insecure with the fact that she might lose you. Because of this insecurity, she had a moment of weakness and cheated on you in order to put up a defense mechanism in case you cheated on her first. Trust me ive had these feelings before and almost cheated because of them. Its called passive aggressive behavior and it attempts to control someone subtly and it is unhealthy. She was afraid of losing you and so she cheated so that she wouldnt be hurt as bad if you cheated.
Can you trust her again? Yeah but she needs to work on her own character to build some self esteem so she wont need to cheat in order to control you.
Ask her to read some self help books, books about healthy expressions of love, and possibly talk to a therapist about her insecurity and low self esteem.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (3 November 2007):
 When she said: "... she was worried I'd find someone better than her...." She was trying to brace you for it, as this is what she was thinking for herself.
Is is possible to trust a person again? Yes, but trust must be EARNED. Until she earns it, you can not put trust in her. Decide what it is going to take for you to trust her again. If she wants to make it up to you, she will.
My guess is that she will not. My other guess is that she likes you, but does not want to be with you, and did it so YOU would break up with her. She does not want to be responsible for the break up. That is why she told you at all. If she had kept it secret, you would still be together.
-Frank B Kermit
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