A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm sorry to say that this problem is due to Facebook, you probably get lots of these!My girlfriend wants me to delete photos of me and my ex-girlfriends from Facebook. She doesn't seem to like the idea of them being on my page and she says it embarrasses her. Her friends have apparently looked through my photos and then asked my girlfriend questions about it, like it's any of their business...I'm no longer in contact with my ex's. To me they are just a part of my past and nothing more. I don't even look at any of the photos she is referring to, but I don't see why I should have to delete them either. It's a matter of principle. I think forcing me to erase pictures from my past is somewhat controlling and manipulative, but she sees it as me being selfish.Is she overreacting or am I being unreasonable? I didn't think that deleting images of ex's on Facebook was common practise. Nobody who I've asked has told me differently. Am I a minority??
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female
reader, Marilissa75  +, writes (16 March 2014):
 As a woman reading this, I can tell you that I have pictures of my ex on my Facebook (only a couple of them) and pictures of myself with various males that are friends. I would be concerned if a guy I was dating asked me to delete them but I would edit them for privacy and make it so only I could see them. I never look at them either. I have never really stalked the guy I am currently dating via Facebook. We are friends on Facebook but I never bother scrolling through people's pics and profiles because it is a waste of time. I just am not the type to do it. I think this woman is pretty insensitive and inconsiderate to treat you this way. You said you loved her after making modifications to your page (a time consuming effort) and she said, "bye." To that, I would say, "good riddance." I am sorry you are hurting but hopefully you'll meet a woman with more depth and more respect for you as an individual.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2014): I can understand through your update why she'd react like that to be honest. What you said made it sound like you were doing everything in your power to keep the photos rather than accepting her feelings at all. You should have stuck with look I'm not going to remove them, I don't even look at them, but if it bothers you we can make more photos of us together. You are the most important girl in my life.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (11 March 2014):
 She told you to jump. And you didn't say:" how high", so she said bye. Pretty obvious that she felt like you ignored her request.
My guess is that this is a new relationship and that she would down the line, find other things she wants you to change for HER.
Personally, I think she went overboard, BUT also that you want to stick to YOUR principles more then please her. Again not a bad thing, but for some girls this isn't going to fly.
But now you have learned how Facebook can interfere with reality and how keeping "memories" of exes can do to a relationship.
I have pictures of my first love, but they are in a box with a BUNCH of other photos from my past. I even have CD's full of pictures and some pictures I have on a memory-stick or memory card, I do NOT have my past posted on the Internet.
I think you will find that not many girls your age will agree with your actions, but not all.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2014): In her shoes I'd dump you OP. If you think photos of your ex are worth the tension in your current relationship then you are not invested in your current. Saying you love her is lip service if your actions say tthat you don't care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2014): If it bothers her so much then why not delete these pictures?
I don't get you. You're choosing the principle of memories (of pictures you claim to not look at) over the feelings and interests of your current partner. The pictures aren't irrelevant if you'd rather break up with her than remove them. I don't think she's out of line, you're just incompatible.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 March 2014):
 Friends of mine who are life partners are not 'friends' on FB. I think they had some disagreements about posting and decided that their relationship was worth saving. Their 'save' move was to remove the source of discomfort. They unfriended each other. They've been together for many years and I am in the odd position of being friends with both of them.
My observation in this is that you are very concerned about principle and she is concerned about appearance and image.
I don't think this relationship can be saved.
You are focused on different things. She feels uncomfortable seeing the ex photos and having her friends comment about them. You have ended the relationships with the exes but didn't remove them from your timeline.
If your settings allow her friends to scroll through your photos then don't be all surprised when they do.
My guess in this case is that your principles will be more important to you than she is. It's not a bad thing, to know now, so you can end the relationship.
When you two are broken up, do her the favor of untagging her and removing/hiding pictures that include her so that she doesn't have to ask you to do it. As you don't communicate with your exes in anyway except for having their pictures still on your timeline I can assume that they simply blocked you.
She will be able to do the same when you break up, but I think it would be polite to remove the pictures that have only the two of you in them from your timeline.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 March 2014):
 Really?? She had a fit over that?? What can you do about pictures on other people's computers? NOTHING!
You did the right thing, and she did the wrong thing. I was understanding the whole "displaying the ex" request, but her saying "bye" like that is more like retroactive jealousy now.
Best to cut her loose now, because that stuff tends to get worse. You did the right thing, but she has no right to try to erase your memories any more than you could compel her to burn her photo albums.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2014): Sounds like you're the only adult in this.
Do nothing, consider it over unless she contacts you. I would anyway.
I would absolutely not consider "bye" to be a something worth fighting for. No communication, no relationship it's that simple. I could in a way understand her view point before but you're right, she's just being manipulative now.
Your choice is easy, OP, walk away or tell her you will delete them but don't, just hide them better.
Personally her "bye" would be the last bit of contact between the two of us. I find nothing more disrespectful than a woman cutting you off for not getting her own way.
Not the kind of woman I would ever date again.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 March 2014):
How long have you been with this new GF?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your thorough answers, I appreciate you all taking the time to help me!
So, bad news - while on the phone to my girlfriend tonight, I told her that I'd thought things through and made modifications to my page, shielding all my photos of me and my ex from sight. Some photos that I have been tagged in remain active, but I can untag myself from them if need be if this is still a problem. Her reaction was to end the conversation. I told her I loved her and in return all I got was a "bye".
I'm very quickly getting bored of this. Facebook is not something I'm prepared to waste my time arguing over. We're both adults and I can't understand her need to continue an argument whenever I've taken steps to try to resolve it. I feel like I just can't win. She's acting like I've refused to do anything about the situation and is punishing me for it, which I don't think I deserve.
What should I do next?
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A
female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (10 March 2014):
 You no doubt had an amicable split from these ex's and have memories and good times you want to remember. But you're with a new girlfriend now and you love her and wouldn't want her to be hurt or embarrassed. Keeping these photos on your page might cause her to wonder if you don't still 'hold a candle for these girls', even though you know you don't. To be fair and loving it might be an idea if you put the photos into an album and kept it private. That way you still get to see them but no one else does.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2014): It depends on the type of photos but it makes sense to remove photos with your ex from sight. You don't have to delete them, but at least make them private. It's a courtesy. I understand how you feel but by insisting that the photos remain on your page is showing that you're still attached to your ex. And actually defending yourself to your girlfriend shows that you're not ready for a relationship with her. It's immature.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2014): It can go either way, OP. You're right and she's right.
Would you really like it if she had a big ass picture of her and her ex on her bed side cabinet or anywhere at all in her house? No, that would make you a bit wary.
Well to her this is the same thing.
Just make the pics private and tell her you've done so. Tell her by removing them from public display you're showing who really matters to you.
OP the removal of ex's pictures from facebook is very common practice but is only really done when the break up was bad. I mean you'd hardly keep her pictures on Facebook if she cheated on you and stabbed your dog or something, you know?
OP she is and isn't overreacting, she's a woman, women are exceptionally competitive when it comes to other women especially exs. You only have to google "Bikini Bridge" to see how insane women are in terms of competition. She has her friends checking out your ex, judging and comparing in her ear talking about your ex and judging you based on your ex too.
She's reacting to having her friends tell her crap like you'#re not over your ex or the pictures would be gone etc. and having those pictures up is creating some doubts in her mind.
She's not being manipulative, she's telling you there's a problem and that she wants it to be solved. You have every right to keep them if you like, OP, but they make her uncomfortable so you're better off removing them or if you don't want on principle then make them private. Just don't lie to her and say you got rid of them, she will see them on your phone or something and then everything is ruined.
OP not everything women do makes sense, and even when they do things that are completely illogical and based on emotion alone, sometimes it's best to just let them "win". Me and my wife have pictures of our exs, but they're not on public display and never will be. They're in memory boxes in the attic, including the digital ones saved on discs and stuff.
Keep them, but take them off public display. If she wanted you to remove them completely from your life then yes she's being unreasonable.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 March 2014):
I guess YouWish and I posted at the same time :)
Good advice from YouWish!
You CAN definitely use your PRIVACY settings to avoid ALL this drama.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 March 2014):
Honestly, when it comes to Facebook, some people become raging drama-llamas. They put so much EMPHASIS on a personal page on the internet, like it has a HUGE importance in REAL life. If it does, then those people NEED to unplug and try living for real.
Sorry, stepping of my soap box, but it's getting so old to read, hear and see all this DRAMA people conjure up OVER Facebook. The INTENT of Facebook was to keep in touch with people & network - nothing more.
Make a folder on your computer, download the ex GF pictures and then save the folder and/or upload them to a PRIVATE (that means for YOUR EYES ONLY) photobucket, snapfish, shutterfly.... online image storage site. That way you can keep the images of the good times from your past.
If you don't even look at them, why are they so important to keep on Facebook? Pictures on Facebook ISN'T your past, your PAST is your past. You must have SOME pictures from your "past" that doesn't include your ex, no? No one said you can't keep them but WHY display your EX whom you no longer date or are in contact with?
THOUGH I DO find it silly that she gets so bend out of shape because of them. So I have to question WHAT kind of pictures are they? And how many you have.
I would sit down with your GF and get to the bottom of WHY she find it "embarrassing" that you have photos of your ex on it. But I can tell you this, it might be "embarrassing" to her because it can LOOK like you are not over the ex and thus like you keep her "around" on your BF.
And I think you are pretending like these pictures really don't matter, yet you are clinging on to them like they ARE the only "link" to your past.
Talk to your GF like grown people and sort it out.
If you two can agree on something as SIMPLE as this, then you both need to grow a little before getting into relationship.
It is common that you delete the ex's photos from your FB, you ask. It' kind of is. Unless you have their pictures displayed as a "notch" in the bedpost.
Even though I find Facebook Etiquette an oxymoron here are a few link to give you an idea:
http://www.hongkiat.com/blog/facebook-etiquette/
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/amy-chan/social-networking-calls-f_b_737427.html
Last but not least, TRY and use common sense.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 March 2014):
Oh! To do that, go to the photo in question, edit it, and change the privacy setting to "only me". Everybody wins then.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2014): If my girlfriend asked me to delete pictures of my ex's then I'd outright refuse. It's your life at the end of the day and it's not like they're rude photos on your phone or anything.
Just leave them on your Facebook, she can't control you and tell you what to do, it's your life, live it. Only change something because you want to change it, not because someone else wants you to.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 March 2014):
I understand that you use your Facebook as a diary, and many other people do. However, if you looked ahead and became serious in a relationship with her, how would you feel to know she was publicly displaying pictures showing her affection towards guys she was intimate with?
A fair compromise would be for you to make those individual pictures private, allowing you to keep that part of your life on your timeline for your own memory, yet remove them from public display. An "old school" comparison before Facebook would be if someone took down their framed pictures of their ex from their home or work or wallet, but putting it away in a personal photo album. That is fair and satisfies both people.
I get that you want to keep them (plus the comments made on them), but keeping them for your own memories and keeping them on display while you're in a current relationship are two different things, and my first thought about a guy who put up a fight about wanting to keep them ON PUBLIC DISPLAY (my emphasis) is that he's not over her.
Privatizing is fair and reasonable. For her, the only way she would see them would be to break into your account, and we all know that is wrong to snoop. I would tell her you're doing it, and for all public purposes, they're off your Facebook page, but you can keep them and the comments in the history of your Facebook page.
It's not controlling and manipulative for her to request this. You didn't mention what KIND of pictures they are. Keeping on display shows of affection between you and her is definitely not cool. Not wanting to at least privatize them is strange. Many people upon a breakup don't want any trace of their ex on their public display.
Would you want your girlfriend wearing a piece of jewelry or a coat given from an ex? Would you want her keeping condoms her ex bought by her bed? How about a framed picture of those two on her wall? You wouldn't want that, would you? Facebook is PUBLIC. People forget that and think it's their private diary.
Make the private photo album, keep the memories, but don't keep them on display in public. That is fair.
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