A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Last night in a club with my friends, I got separated from the group. I decided to text my girlfriend to find out where she was. When I couldn't find her from her directions I told her where she could find me. When she got there she waved to me, and a bottle of fragrance fell out of her bag and she never found it. Now she wants ME to replace the bottle. Is that fair??My girlfriend and I have been having a lot of unpleasant arguments recently, we had kissed and made up earlier that night and I decided to buy dinner for us both which came to about £50. Now I'm expected to pay out another £25 for something I do not feel responsible for losing. I know it doesn't sound like a lot of money but I'm just a student! Should I buy her a new bottle of fragrance or not? If not, how can I explain it to her without us having yet another argument we could both do without? Please help me!
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female
reader, Brooklyngirl  +, writes (7 February 2010):
 This girl is unbelievably inconsiderate! Sorry, I know she's your girlfriend and you care for her, but really? She wanted you to get into a fight with this guy? You absolutely did the right thing! To start something with this guy would have been imature and of poor judgement!
She needs to grow up and realize the world doesn't revolve around her, her perfume and bar brawls in her honor!
Don't take on her abusive opinions of you. You sound like a level headed, mature guy. You would be wise to find a girl who fits your qualities!
Good Luck!
~BG~
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (7 February 2010):
 Ain't we supposed to kick sleeping boyfriends?.. (Miamine takes out notepad to write new idea down.)
I had a cousin like that, she used to get us involved in a lot of fights. However we were girls, so mostly the guys forgave us and backed off. You are a man, taking on a tall "anyone" just to prove something, is not only silly, it's very dangerous.... There's no way I'd expect a man to do my fighting, I like to fight my own battles. I do expect a "gentleman" to do what you did, to explain that it's not worth it, that fighting is silly, and calm me down and help me to forget the whole thing.
This girl doesn't respect you one little bit. She won't change, until, like ms anonymous says, you tell her to get off her high horse and stop acting like a spoilt kid. She behaves like this because you let her. She doesn't see you as a peacemaker, she see's you as a soft guy who she can push around. Next time she behaves badly, tell her to shut up and sit down, and if she doesn't, grab your stuff and leave her to sulk, or let her find another guy who will put up with her crap. Something tells me, she's gonna end up all alone and lonely. Your already starting to dislike this unattractive side of her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, this sort of relates to my previous problem. There's been no further talk of buying perfume, but another problem has arose from this night out...
One point in the evening while my girlfriend was shouting at me about how I'd ruined her night. During the time, this tall black guy tried to get round where she was standing, he budged her out the way and passed by. However, my girlfriend was furious and started shouting at him as he walked away. My first instinct was to try and keep the peace so I simply stood between the two of them, told my girlfriend to let it go and avoid a fight, and the guy walked away and his night probably ended up being considerably better than mine.
It's always been in my nature to be a peacekeeper. I am not violent by nature, and frankly, this tall guy would have probably have destroyed me if something had kicked off. However, my girlfriend is now saying that I never stand up for her. This is the only example she has, but tonight she is saying that she needs a man who will stand up for her, and she doesn't think I have that in me.
What am I suppose to do?? Start a fight with anybody who can't get past my girlfriend?? Things really aren't looking good for us. We had a bad week from Wednesday - Sunday last week. Things have been fine for this whole week, but suddenly we are on the brink of breaking up and I'm back to feeling like I'm a crap boyfriend who can never do anything right.
Please advise me. I'm really stressed out!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): I have found being a difficult and high maintenance woman myself that the only way i start behaving decently again is if my boyfriend sought of ignores me and doesn't give in to my constant demands. When he says no and tells me that I am not getting what I want then I start behaving better. Also when he threatens that the relationship is over then I buck my ideas up. You are definitely being too easy for this lady and she is walking all over you. Try being less available and being firmer with her demands as that will get her thinking. The bed kicking business is a bit of a give away, that she is selfish and nor caring or respecting you. Tell her that you obviously don't mean to knock her when you turn but that it is disturbing her so much that you think it is best that you sleep in your own beds for a while. Say anything that gives you the upper hand and when you are calling the shots or else she will just continue to walk all over you.
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A
male
reader, Faraday +, writes (1 February 2010):
 Is she an only child? Or a Daddy's girl? She sounds rather spoiled to me and used to getting her own way.
Unless you can change her attitude and accept that she cannot always have whatever she wants, I fear there is little future in this relationship. Successful partnerships are just that - partnerships, built on mutual respect and compromise.
Where are those things here?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the many, many replies this post has gotten. Yesterday me and her talked about it, and I think she accepted how unreasonable she was being because she was laughing about it when I explained it. So, as it stands, I'm not buying her another bottle just for the sake of it. Maybe for her birthday or something.
Anyway, it's got me thinking. Sometimes we have the best of times together. All we need to do is cuddle up in front of some rubbish TV show and we're happy. But at the same time she can be very VERY demanding. Unfortunately I just don't know what the limit is. If I disturb her during the night when we're sleeping together and I'm tossing and turning, instead of taking me into consideration she will just shout at me to stop moving or even KICK me, which just stresses me out and makes it very difficult to get back to sleep.
Apart from those times she isn't THAT bad. I think the problem is maybe that I say yes too often, because if I say no to something she will persist and persist and usually get her way... Am I the one with the problem? What do you think? I wish you could all take a look at our relationship and see whether it's worth continuing. Until last week I would have said that it was, but these recent arguments have rocked me a little.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2010): Don't buy her the perfum. She is super unreasonable and sounds like shes only being with you for your money.
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A
male
reader, Faraday +, writes (30 January 2010):
Just to help "salvadda", £25 is equivalent to US$40 at today's rate.
Now, as for replacing it - no way! Especially after shelling out £50 (US$80) for a meal. As you are a student of limited means, she ought to have helped you there, too.
I am sorry to say this but the feeling that I got from reading your post is that she is using you, and the arguments rather confirm this: selfish, self-centred and spoiled are terms that come to mind!
If she persists in hounding you to pay for something that SHE carelessly lost, might I suggest that you show her which way the door is?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): No way!!! She lost it,her loss.Just say no.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 January 2010):
No. Simple answer.
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (30 January 2010):
You're girlfriend is very demanding! How could she blame you or hold you responsible for that???
I would never have the nerve to even suggest that!
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A
female
reader, miss lilian +, writes (30 January 2010):
 She's just being selfish. Its not your fault she lost it, she didn't need to have a bottle of perfume out with her. I wouldn't pay for any of it if I was you.
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A
female
reader, salvadda  +, writes (30 January 2010):
 Dear friend,
After reading u I decided to give u a go. I relize to myself this would not be not inportant to me. It just water to me..gosh. To most girls I guess it's vital. I also understand the student part. I understand that things get tight. Women can be strange and what may be inportant to one can be meaningless to another. I will give my opinion to help u sort this out and I hope it helps.
First I know its not ur fault that she lost the bottle. If she is reasonable and u can get her in a good mood, u can have a talk with her regarding this precious bottle of hers. I am sorry I don't understand the value of ur money because I am Canadian..lol But I'm sorry u didn't write before u took her out to dinner. I was going to suggest that u take her out to dinner and ask her nicely, and she must know ur situation as a student also. To avoid another
unpleasant argument which I am sorry ur having, u could suggest a compromise. Tell her that u r sorry that she lost her bottle. Explain to her that is hard for u as a student who needs his money for school, and going for u is a luxury and u do the best u can for her to show ur love for her. Maybe u can ask her out for dinner again..nothing expensive, even take her to coffee shop. Ask if she would be willing to spilt the cost with u for a new bottle. This might help u with at least showing her that u care enough to try to help her out. My opinion and plz don't say it to her, is that if it were me it would not be an issue. But u have to understand that for some *most* girls these things may be of some value to them. Plz don't get me wrong I am sure ur g/f is a wonderful/good person. I would say to u if u love this girl enough at least give her that option. I believe if u do it would alot to her. I believe that to her its way of u showing that u care for her, and this way it will lessen the burden of u paying for it all by urself.
I'm sorry I can't say more, which I would have liked too.
I am only giving u my opinion on the question asked. I hope it works out for u both. Good luck and take care
salvadda
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): Sounds like she is a little immature. Blaming you for her own clumsiness. If I were you I would not buy her another bottle. She should value your relationship a little bit more than the cost of a bottle of perfume.
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A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (30 January 2010):
 Was it your idea or her idea to go to the Club. If it was yours then possibly in her mind she blames you for it happening as you wanted to go there. Strange logic I know. I would explain to her that being a student and just having paid for dinner that you can't afford to replace it but that you would love to if you could.
If you love her there is little to be gained by going down the 'this isn't my fault- it's nothing to do with me' routine.
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (30 January 2010):
 For the sake of the friendship (if it is worth keeping) perhaps offer to go halves in a bottle. I would not be forking out to replace the whole thing tho unless I was directly and soley responsible for the loss. You wern't!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): Hello. Bless you. If youre a student taking her out for dinner at £50 a pop i think youre already doing more than enough. Is she a bit bossy to you? I ask because you have to make a stand somewhere or she will end up making your life miserable. You say you row alot anyway, so take a good long look at your relationship. Id tell her you cant afford to replace the perfume SHE dropped out of her bag. If she starts a row tell her shes being unreasonable. Then look for a nicer gf x
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