A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi everybody,i have a long distance relationship since 2 years.i discover recently that my girlfriend (23 years old) have created secretly a profile in my space, where she claims to be single. i asked her if she was hidding something from me and she always refuses to tell me the true.what should i think about that? can i trust her?thx for your precious help.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (28 March 2008):
 Well, one year and a half is not the end of the world, I guess, particularly because it is she who is studying. But I would try the technology thing. The friends I mentioned stayed in what I would call "perpetual" contact. I guess that most couples living in the same area DON'T get in touch that often.
Try the VoIP phone, man. I understand there are some good packages that offer unlimited calls for a relatively small fee.
All the best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell you are right daniel,she s from latin america,brazil.
we planned to wait the end of her studies in 1 year and half to live together in spain.
anyway we'll see...
thank you my friends for helping me.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (28 March 2008):
Tisha-1, you did just great. Your advice was sensible and you tried to convey it in the language the poster would understand better. That is commendable. And I like your interest in our language (I mean, the poster's and mine). You may not speak Spanish as you wish you did, but you sure do give great advice.
As to being in another continent, I don't know what it means. I'm tempted to say that she's in Latin America :-), for the language and all, but she could be elsewhere. I don't think you mean Morocco, because that's very close. My cousin says he can see Morocco from where he lives in Spain. If she's in Latin America, well, it can be expensive to travel. But the visa wouldn't be that much of an issue, unless she's Ecuadorian or Dominican :-). I'm sure that you know that many Latin Americans can still travel to Spain without a visa; perhaps the only place where they still let us in that easily. It's easier for the average Latin American to go to Spain that to go to Mexico :-). But, I have to stay in your post: it would seem to me that distance can be a factor that can be overcome. Check that. Maybe you're not a Spanish citizen yourself?
Also, and I feel awful to say it, often long-distance relationships don't work. Both parties need to be willing to give up on many things. Check what is going on.
All the best,
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (28 March 2008):
 I'm sorry for your worry...
I don't know what she is thinking, but she did say that she is lonely. Is there a reason for the delay in being together? Your flag says you are in Spain and you said she is on another continent...
Long distance relationships are so difficult to maintain, as you know.
I think you are sincere in your love, and that you will be forgiving if she has doubts? Is that right?
You said, 'I always have hope, thinking that maybe she's scared of my reaction if she tells me the truth. It's really impossible to speak about that with her for the moment because i know she will accuse me of spying.'
Will your separation be for a long time? When will you get the chance to be together?
Sorry, I have too many questions, maybe Daniel can help here too. His first language is Spanish, and he doesn't need the translating tool I tried to use....
I guess the basic question is where are you in this relationship, where will you be next year, and then the years after that?
All the best. Tisha
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you Danielepew for your advices and your real interest.
well actually i feel that she really cares about me when we speak together on msn or phone.she shows me that i'm important for her ,and, in my last visit we started to plan about our future.
i know she doesn't tell me anything for me to not be jealous, because in the past i told her i was against these kind of activities,where you can meet people.
specially when we are far away.
i really get crazy when i read comments of guys saying that she's pretty and etc...
anyway you are right this kind of relationship is really difficult,and i think we have to be strong.
but really, if she keeps continue that without telling to me the true, i think i will give up.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (28 March 2008):
Well, it seems like you already know much better than I do.
Long-distance relationships are very demanding, and very rewarding, too. They're demanding because the other person isn't there all the time. No kisses, no hugs, and a huge uncertainty whether the other party will stay faithful and whether the two people will be together. But these relationships are very rewarding if they work, because they demand a hell of a lot more commitment.
These days, the internet has made it much, much easier to stay in touch with people we love, even if they are very far away. You have the instant messaging, e-mail, webcams, digital cameras, Skype and even VoIP phones. Much to my surprise, I found that, where I live, a VoIP company offers phone rates that are far lower than using a cell phone to call another person in the same city and with a phone from the same company. I mean, I used that service once, in a public booth, and could speak with a friend in Canada for twenty minutes and it cost ONE dollar. That would be four minutes in a cell phone in the same city. So, the long distance factor is less important now than it used to be. Perhaps you can make use of all these technologies?
I had two friends who were in a long distance relationship for years. He lived in the United States, married her, and she had to wait for I don't remember how many years before her resident visa came out. They would see each other, with their own eyes, once in a year or so. She always became very depressed and sad when he left. She always worried that he would see other women (and he did, too). But eventually they learned to overcome all that and her visa came out. They endured the hard times together. Maybe your girlfriend is having trouble now, but could overcome her fears. Or maybe she is not made for this.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (28 March 2008):
First I need to say that I'm not familiar with Myspace either. I gave up on that sort of things long ago, because they are very time consuming. However, I checked the site, to see whether it could help me understand your post, and to check a suspicion I had.
I don't know whether this particular Myspace profile was in Spanish or English. I tried Spanish. Well, in Spanish, a girl from Argentina said her civil status was "in a relationship". What a wonderful way to say she has a Myspace profile but is not looking. Somewhere else, I forget where, she wrote "I have a boyfriend". Even better. Another girl, from Chile, wrote "single". But this could mean nothing. "Single" could be taken to mean simply "unmarried". And the words in the profile are "estado civil", that is, "civil status", so that could have been her reason to write "single".
The girl whose profile I saw created her page a few months ago. I knew because I found a "registration date" somewhere. You can find out about that yourself, I guess.
To me, the key is not whether she opened this profile before she met you, or after she met you, however. I notice she didn't tell you about this profile. Why?
Also, I noticed that you say she has a picture of yours in her profile. Was that a picture you gave her after you were already in a relationship, or was it a picture you gave her when you were friends?
If the picture is from a time when you were officially in a relationship, then worry, my friend. She had a chance to update her profile with your picture, but she didn't make it clear you're with her.
I noticed that Myspace records the time you last logged in. When was it? If she logged in recently, and she has you as a friend, then do suspect her.
But, more importantly, how is your relationship? This is the best criterion, I guess. I suggest you think carefully before you talk to her. Sometimes one can get paranoid.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you Tisha-1 for your interest, i apreciate the translation.well, i visit her last month and she created her profile one week after i was back to my country (we live in 2 different continents).
she told me that she felt really lonely after my leaving and that she tryed to have new activities to feel better,but she never mentioned myspace.
i check her profile everyday and she just login on it approximatly each 3 days.
i always have hope,thinking that maybe she's scared of my reaction if she tells me the true.
it's really impossible to speak about that with her for the moment because i know she will acuse me of spying.
i feel very bad,i can't sleep anymore.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 March 2008):
Hi again, just found a web translation tool on AltaVista called Babel Fish:
Here's my post in that translated Spanish:
"¿Puede usted decir cuándo ella creó el perfil en myspace? ¿Si era hecho antes de que usted dos fuera novio y novia, y ella no lo visita a menudo, entonces es quizá justo algo que ella deseó hace en el pasado?
"Si ella tiene un cuadro de usted encendido allí, eso es una buena muestra. También, ' solo ' pudo apenas significar que la no casan, no que ella es disponible y que busca a otros hombres. Realmente no sé mucho sobre myspace, honesto, pero yo piense que usted podría apenas fijar un mensaje a ella allí y decirle que usted pensaba de ella.
"Entonces usted dos podría tener la charla que usted necesita tener alrededor donde va su relación."
Here is the webtranslation tool I used, maybe it will help you too?
http://babelfish.altavista.com/
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 March 2008):
Can you tell when she created the profile on myspace? If it was made before you two were boyfriend and girlfriend, and she doesn't visit it often, then maybe it's just something she did long ago in the past?
If she has a picture of you on there, that is a good sign. Also, 'single' might just mean that she is not married, not that she is available and looking for other men. I don't really know much about myspace, honestly, but I think you could just post a message to her there and tell her you were thinking about her.
Then you two could have the talk you need to have about where your relationship is going.
Buena suerte!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell thanks everybody for your advices.
yes i saw her profile by my own eyes, and she doesn't know yet i discovered it. the only positive point is that she has one picture of me there and that she doesn't login oftenly there. but really this is nothing if i compare with the pain i feel actually.
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A
female
reader, Jmo +, writes (27 March 2008):
 OH HELLLLLL NO!
Does she know that you've discovered her profile? Have you seen it yourself? If you know for a fact that she has a secret profile and denies it or won't tell you how you can access it, you KNOW you can't trust her. If there's any chance for you to have a successful relationship, she needs to come clean...OR ELSE.
sorry about your predicament
-Jmo
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A
female
reader, Gena Bullock +, writes (27 March 2008):
 Well, some folks have a 'dark side' that you may never know about. Now's the time for you to crack the whip and let the cat outta the bag.
Better find out what its all about NOW than later after you marry her or get her pregnant. Some folks live double lives and unless she's just curious and distracted for a lack of better terms with you two's relationship...ASK.
Gena
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A
male
reader, tux +, writes (27 March 2008):
 Is she hiding the truth or are you not believing what she is saying? I believe a hidden myspace is an untruthful act in itself let alone myspace alone. I would be hard-pressed to trust her on this especially if she regularly visits this secret profile and may be looking for a second fling. Relationships are built upon trust, and a secret profile on myspace does not build trust. I would have my doubts on trusting her. Heck I would have my doubts trusting myspace but then I have been burnt by myspace b4 in a relationship.
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A
female
reader, daniellexxxx  +, writes (27 March 2008):
 agrr well i think myspace is harmfull fun but thats only my opinion. Long distance relationships can be hard but if you truely love one an other then work it out tell her how you feel and ask her if shes telling you the truth (face to face) good luck x
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