A
male
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:I just dont understand what went wrong, but my girlfriend of 4 years had just told me today the worst news I could possibliy ever hear. She told me she liked someone at work and that she wanted to be with him. I have never expected this to happen because I have never done anything to wrong her. I love her very much and it crushes me dearly to hear those words from her. Ive never treated her badly at all, I do all I can to be the "one" in her life. I would buy her anything she likes or anything would make her happy. My first ring I bought for her, I sold most of my prized possesions to get the money because back then I didnt have a job. Everytime shes hungry I always buy her favorite foods for her and I always tell her that she dont have to worry about her weight because I dont mind. Ill follow her anywhere and everywhere, and I gave up most of my friends just to be with her. I never cheated on her, crushed on anyone, hugged or kissed anyone besides her. I never flirted with anyone else and I have kept it that way for 4 years. Although Im still in high school, I hoped to be engaged with her because deep down I believe she is the one for me, therefore I wouldnt mind going to extremities to make her happy. I didn't mind much when she talked with other guys, but sometimes I get worred and I ask who that person is since some have a "reputation". She ends up getting angry and we get in arguments, but even if Im right, I always apologized. After hearing that she made out with someone else adds so much to the pain. I begged her to stay with me, I promised her that if she stayed with me Ill make it so that the rest of her life she will always be happy. But she was still confused, and that only hurt me more.Ive always wondered why people commit suicide due to a bad relationship. I now know why. I believe that even if I get a "new girlfriend", she will only end up being taken away from me. I dont know what to do, no one has been able to help me, ending it all seems like something that would make it all better, but the question is, what should I do next?
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female
reader, blueydblond +, writes (4 March 2008):
 Sweetness.Goodness....Just the WORD "relationships" has an entire dictionary full of meaning and definitions all in itself.Good and Bad. Unfortunately, you have gotten the raw end of the deal here. You can only do so much babe, before you have to say enough it enough. Ending it all may SEEM like the easy way out, but honestly no woman is ever worth your life. You can't make someone love you honey, and now what you may be feeling is a very strong love toward her, but 5 years down the road, you could discover a newer and stronger love that you never even imagined before. You have to give your life a chance. A chance to shape the person you are going to be in life. You can't depend on these little relationships from your childhood to determine the rest of your life.It hurts, and it will for a while. But as every day goes by, it will get a little easier.Things to remember, are to stay busy...Make plans with some friends... Don't jump into another relationship right away...Give yourself time to be just YOU! Don't try and force a relationship on yourself. You have to learn how to be just yourself before you can be with anyone else.It sounds like you have given up everything, for nothing.You need to distinguish dignity from pride. Don't let your pride get in the way of your dignity. Protect your heart from hurting and better yourself when you need to.Whatever you do...Don't offer everything to a girl right away...they will only take advantage of you. It is not worth it sweetie.Learn how to be yourself for a while. It sounds like your heart could use it.Best of luck Darling.XoXoXo
A
female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (25 February 2008):
 This is a really difficult situation and unfortunately, just because you love someone so much and treat them well is not going to guarantee they are going to stay with you.
Don't change how you treat your girlfriends even though you can't expect it will never end (most relationships don't work!). That is why we have so many of them until we find the right person to marry.
There are so many people out there that make huge mistakes (cheat, lie, abusive) that end their relationships and feel guilty for years wishing "what if"? This isn't you, so be grateful you are a kind enough person not to do those things.
Her finding someone else has nothing to do with what you did or didn't do and that is hard to realize. You seem to have the belief that you have control over whether someone loves you or not when you don't. You have the right idea about treating the person you love well though.
Losing the person you love so much is very devastating and it is normal to feel like you want to die! You may feel this for awhile but it will be very temporary. You will get through it.
The next girlfriend you have may or may not leave you or you may leave her! You don't know what the future holds so you can't assume it will be negative- don't program that into your head. Once you get over this, you will have more and more courage and confidence to face life's romantic challenges without worrying it will take you under. I hope this helps you.
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu  +, writes (25 February 2008):
 *Big comforting cuddles* Hun im so sorry that this has happend but im afriad thats life relationships end doesnt matter how hard you try some times that just happens and you just cant stop it, i know your hurting but dont you wan her to be happy your both still so young and have all your lives ahead of each other and who knows maybe one day you will be together for the rest of your lives but for now just let her stretch her wings and find what she wants out of life, you need to take some time out have fun with your friends and enjoy being young and free, theres plenty of time to settle down but right now you deserve to be young.
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A
female
reader, baby duck + ♥, writes (25 February 2008):
 Hurting is not fun, but it's as crucial to your being a well-rounded person as any other relationship.
argh!
I meant to say that hurting is as crucial as any other feeling, not relationship.
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A
female
reader, baby duck + ♥, writes (25 February 2008):
Oh, Honey ... first of all, I am sending you (((BIG HUGS))).
Okay, I'm still hugging you, and I am saying this as gently as I can ... but you are very needy.
You cannot give up your friends and sell your possessions to buy gifts for someone and hope that will keep the relationship together. I am so sorry that you did that.
You are an individual with your own likes and dislikes, but it sounds like you don't even know what they are because you probably always defer to her. =(
You two were bound to break up, from what you've shared with us. You need to read up on 'co-dependent personalities' and 'addictive relationships'. Just put those in your browser.
You need to be alone for awhile. In fact, when she tries to be friends with you, keep your distance, because she is a very dominant personality and you are very passive.
As you heal, you will discover parts of you that got buried in the relationship. It's going to be an emotional roller coaster ride ... just bear with it. It's going to get worse before it gets better, but it will get better!
Eventually, you'll meet someone that is gentle, loving and giving like you. You need to stay away from those strong ones. As you continue to grow and change, that may change ... you are not going to be who you are today for the rest of your life. Hopefully, no one else is, either. Therefore, even the best relationships go through growing pains.
Hurting is not fun, but it's as crucial to your being a well-rounded person as any other relationship. It helps to foster compassion for others. Just plod on, mister.
Ending it all is never a good option. Never. When you get through this stronger and better, you won't be thankful for the pain, but you'll be thankful for the growth.
Best wishes.
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