A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing a girl for a year and a half. She is amazing, but here is my problem.She will periodically post degrading pictures of herself on her Facebook as her profile picture.The first one was of her knealing (or standing, I couldnt tell) by her bed, in just a pair of jeans and a bikini top... she was turned so that you could see her cleavage. I told her that it bothered me, so she removed it.Then, a few months later, she posted one of her in her bra. I told her it bothered me. She took it off.The last one is a close-up of her chest in a bikini. I let her know that it seems that she is cutting herself down. I will not lie, it makes her look incredibly trashy... I know her better than this. She isnt a trashy woman. When I told her again, she freaked out on me. Yelling, and saying that its not trashy. She doesnt think it looks trashy, so on and so forth. The whole time I tried to remain calm... because I dont like it when we argue. She means a lot to me, and it rarely happens.Do I over react, I mean honestly? Is it weird for the half-naked profile pics to bother me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2007): Whilst you are entitled to your opinion, it is up to her what she does and you are wrong to keep saying how you disaprove of her actions. In a relationship, you can voice your objections but if the other person ignores you then, unless you want to appear controlling, you have one option - leave!And maybe she doesn't look trashy - maybe she looks hot?And maybe the problem isn't that she is posting pictures of herself but rather it is that you don't want that kind of girlfriend? Are you trying to change her? It sounds like it to me. When you have to try and change a person in a relationship it is a fairly strong sign that things are going to eventually end.Whether or not she is "in the wrong", if you object to what she does and call her trashy then it is you who will loose her - she obviously posts those pictures for attention. Attention that she should be getting from her boyfriend, but seemingly isn't. Not your fault - but perhaps she just isn't ready to be having a relationship with you? Judge her on her actions. She wants to behave one way, you want her to behave another. There doesn't seem to be any compromise so what other options are their - other than to have a relationship that will turn to arguments, and eventually resentment?
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (30 November 2007):
 I'm with happytochat, Eddie and Tom Wilkinson. It's right that you feel bad about this.
I don't think she will ever stop posting pictures of herself in Facebook. Happytochat noted that she knows you are upset but she keeps doing it. The first two times, she said nothing; this time she did get upset. Maybe she has posted other pictures of herself elsewhere, maybe she hasn't; but you can't know.
You need to think what you will do about this.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (30 November 2007):
You have a right to be annoyed by her photos. And what gets me even more anoyed is that she first posted a photo in a bikini top, and you let her know it bothered you. Then she puts one up in her bra (which is worst right??). Now im sure your gf isnt dumb, so she would know this would too annoy you? Then it gets even worse, with a close up of her chest!
Sounds to me like she is purposly making them even more and more worst?
I think what you need to do here is first off start by asking your gf why she puts such revealing photos up. Get get her to explian why she does it, and remember to not to judge. If she says she does it to get attention, dont bag her out for seeking attention, ask her why she feels she needs the attention. Realy try to udnerstnad whats going on for her.
My guess is she does it because she is insecure, so by puting photos up like that, she gets alot of [male] attention and that makes her feel better about herself for the meantime. I think this issue may fairly deeper, such as little self respect and deep insecurities. I mean I dont know any female who respect herself who would put up such photos. Its degrading...or trashy as you described it.
Once you figure out why shes doing it, then maybe you will know what you are dealing with and can both work together to form a solution.
However, if she still continues to take such degrading photos, or refuses to take any current ones she has up, then I would honestly have to wonder about the relationship. I dont think a relationship with someone who has litle self respct, who is very insecure and doesnt truly accept and love thereself can work...so maybe thats something you have to consider.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (30 November 2007):
 They are trashy pictures...period. They are meant to portray a certain image, that is not debatable. She might not actually be trashy but she's looking for the wrong kind of attention.
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A
male
reader, TomWilkinson  +, writes (30 November 2007):
 It's not weird for you to be bothered but you need to put things in context, she obviously doesn't think they are trashy and also, just be glad she's putting them on facebook where you can see them, better than her going on some website you don't know about and posting them!
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