A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:What do you think about this please. I have some friends they are a married Indian Hindu couple with a year old child. I have learnt from her that her husband goes onto Internet dating sites for fun. He was contacted by an escort who said she wanted 150 pounds for her services. Though he didn't take her up on the offer. I asked wife how she can allow this. She said her husband is her best friend as well as hubby. She said she gets jealous but they allow easy other space and freedom. I asked if she chatted up other men. She said no no no she doesn't like this. Thing is I just finished with my ex because after 4 months he was still on the dating site we originally met. He was open about telling me and is friends with the Indian couple, so he knows all about their situation. Am I being insecure and un-confident? I tried to be confident with him and said ok what's good for you is good for me. You can chat to who you like but I knew I was just kidding myself. Opinions please.
View related questions:
best friend, escort, insecure, jealous, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPerfectionIsPerception Thank you for your answer. Yes you are right if that is not alright by me then I should find someone who wouldn't do that to me. I don't find it acceptable.. As soon as he started talking about serious stuff, buying me a ring, living together I came off the site. Think where I went wrong is I never told him at the time I'd come off and I should have asked him to come off too or ask whether he was prepared to and gone from there. Yes it is unacceptable. I think I was right to finish with him. He didn't even look bothered about me saying let's let it go.. just said It's up to you.. and put the ball in my court. Oh well. No I don't have any issues with my friend.. that's all her business.. i just found it really odd that's all and wanted to know majority of others' opinions. Thanks very much.. I should trust my gut instinct and not try to pretend to be alright about things when I'm clearly not happy about it. I did say he needed to delete himself and I said I would walk if not, but then changed my mind thinking that he would see me as being insecure.. So i tried to appear confident and say it was ok when I didn't really feel it was.. So partly my fault I guess for not being clear.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013): We'll see how she feels when one night he doesn't come home or gives her an STD. I think her tune will be changing very quickly. She is justifying his actions, because she has very little control over the situation. She can only control her actions (leave or accept it). She's wanting to keep the peace and is sacrificing her integrity, health and self-respect to let him do as he pleases. It's not healthy nor normal, but it's a sacrifice many women make to make sure their husbands stay with them and provide for their families.
You did the right thing. It's not a happy life to live. No matter what she says and how she justifies it.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013): How is it even became a question? Of course he is doing the wrong thing. Marriage is about faithfulness. I don't believe in open relationship, it gets very complicated and always has consequences. We humans created morals long time ago survive as a human race. If we kept on having no borders sexual relationship our whole lives we would die out of all kind STDs. No one would know who is the father of a child, it would be an incredible mess. What your friend's husband is doing is looking for some sexual pleasure outside marriage. And I don't believe for a second, that he will never act on it. He will eventually, if he didn't already. And you are right thinking. Your friend is not happy, she puts up with it, but for how long?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wasn't ever intending to interfere in her life but I think their situation has impacted on my relationship because my now ex partner was friends with this couple and knew what the husband was doing and I think assumed that as their relationship seemed so open it was ok for him to do this same. I just wanted opinions cos I don't know if this is normal or right /wrong. Is it manipulation if they both agree to it?? It's a minefield of morality. I know it's not for me but then doesn't mean my ex wouldn't have chatted up some woman in the shop he worked in even if I said come off the dating site. Where do we draw the line? Is it immature to think we don't all flirt anyway. Really I don't know. I guess as was said it's what each person finds acceptable or not. I think the fact she said she was jealous shows that it causes her emotional hurt. Not fair really I don't think.
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (10 May 2013):
 Hi
I have known marrieds, women, who went on dating sites specifically for married people. One lady met up weekly with a guy off there and went to a Hotel.
No, I wouldn't do it and no I didn't agree with it. However it was her life, her marriage at risk, same with the others I knew. I did not interfere, if it all went wrong, if they got caught, well, they knew the risk.
Your friend is being manipulated in a way, her husband knows he can get away with it. It's their marriage, so up to your friend what she is willing to put up with and for how long.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your feedback. No I'm not looking to interfere at all. It's none of my business. But I think it has reflected upon my relationship because my now ex is friends with them and obviously thinks it's ok and my ex thinks his friends have a very good relationship because they are trusting of each other and are open with each other about it.
No I just wanted to know if this is normal, acceptable or whether I'm being an ol fuddy duddy and not being flexible in my thinking. Cos I am totally crap at relationships.
...............................
A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (10 May 2013):
 This sort of behaviour is bizarre and totally unacceptable.
...............................
A
female
reader, angel91 +, writes (10 May 2013):
No, you're not being insecure or unconfident. Personally, i don't agree with that set-up...marriage should be between two people.
In essence, it's their choice how they want to live their lives. Maybe you could sit down with her and express your views on it? Maybe she feels as though she has to let him do that? I'm afraid you can't dictate how they treat each other, but you can reassure her that she deserves a husband who respects her enough to stop these antics.
If it's really getting to you, and you can't let it go, perhaps you need to take yourself out of the situation and leave them to it?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't have a problem with them doing that if that's what they want. But is she really happy? Or is she kidding herself she's happy? She says her husband is her friend and her husband and that they are crazy for each other. That they give each other space and freedom. I asked aren't you jealous she said yes of course! So how can this be happy and healthy if she feels jealous. It's such a painful emotion. Does she allow him this as a way of keeping him? She came to my house for a day and they were always on phone to each other. My fella was much more uncommunicative. I don't want this in my own relationship which is why I've finished it. I think my fella seeing and knowing they were open about it with each other thinks it's acceptable for us to be the same way. But I do/did feel jealous. I don't want to be told I love you and then know he's doing that. But also I feel in this day and age we can never get away from this kind of thing.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (10 May 2013):
 HI
I think it is very wrong, he is abusing his wifes good nature, this is not a marriage. your right to be concerned. I would let her know that this is unexceptable behaviour. However if she chooses to allow him to continue this way there really is nothing you can do about it. If you can't except it yourself then you need to detach yourself from them and find new friends.
Mandy x
...............................
|
