A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey,i'm really worried. i started college and met this guy (as a friend) he seemed really nice. call him J. we ended up being quite good mates.recently though he told me he liked me more than friends. i didnt feel the same way at all and told him this, because i was just starting to get back together with my ex and now we are better than ever and i really love him. but J has now gone really weird and kind of obsessive about everything, telling me to tell my boyfriend something i did 1 year ago with someone else when we werent together (which i did tell him yesterday) but now the friend is being really quite mental. im a bit scared. do i tell him to back off and leave me alone? he said he wants nothing to do with me anymore but then texts and emails me and i just dont want to know him anymore.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): this is not harassment or anything like that. the guy simply likes you. and pple get hurt when they person they want to be with is with someone else. don't "shun" him, or call the police on him, try talking to the guy. he was once your friend, wasn't he? with how he's changed, shouldn't you be asking him, "what's wrong" instead of running away from him? even if you guys weren't that close, he still is a human being, and deserves to be talked to, consoled, or whatever. he is NOT harassing you. he loves you. talk to him.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (5 June 2008):
 BTW, this happened to my daughter with a person on her floor in Res. She wasn't involved with him, but he watched her obsessively (including staring INTO her window). She did tell the people on campus. At a party, he told everyone about a dream he had where he shot everyone on the floor. The University got involved and they removed him from the school. He was diagnosed (never had been up until then) with bi-polar disorder and went into a facility for a while. He's back at school, on meds, and doing fine now. Thought this might be a relevent thing to read. It's important to keep your wits about you and to trust your own judgement when you are frightened. We ofter want to ignore our own fear and give someone else the benefit-of-the-doubt in order to be "nice". Man is probably the only animal that would get into a big steel box (elevator) with a person that made the hairs on our arms stand on end. A dog would turn in a circle and walk away from a situation that frightened him. Trust your own good judgement.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (5 June 2008):
It sounds like he has become obsessed with you and is stalking you. If you are worried enough to write here about, trust your feelings about this situation. Something is off. The aunties have given you great advice. Cut off your ties with him and never let yourself be in a situation where you are alone or no one knows your whereabouts. Tell everybody, friends, family and dorm mates. Stay away from him and stay safe. This isn't an unusual situation, sometimes people aren't diagnosed before they are in college and he could be bi-polar or have a personality disorder that didn't show up until he was on his own. You should inform the college, and (I'm assuming that you are in Res) your dorm leader about this too. AND if he doesn't back off after all of this, get the police involved. You should also keep a journal and write down every incident, time and date. Don't erase the texts, even if they bother you. You could need them to show that he is stalking you. Sorry if the replies frightened you, but it's better to be safe than sorry. Take care, Hunny.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): Have you told your bloke about this nutcase, if not, then do tell him. Also have a word with either your parents or someone older and let them know that he sounds a bit insane. You need to let people know or something could happen to you in the future. Be safe, never be alone, and dont put yourself into dangerous situations.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (5 June 2008):
 You need to get this guy out of your life.
Block him in every way you can - on your emails and through your phone because it seems that he knows that if he emails you or texts, he'll get an answer. He wants you to talk to him because it gives him a tiny bit of hope that you're somehow interested in him.
If he takes this any further, get the police involved - If he starts threatening you or in some way making you worried about your safety, contact the police.
You need to end the contact with this guy, give him space -he may calm down eventually but until then, get him out of your life.
Take care xx
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A
male
reader, Peterk5699 +, writes (5 June 2008):
 It sounds like he's a bit jealous of you getting back with your ex because he thought you and him (J) would become partners.
I think you should tell him to leave you alone or you will cease contact. If he gets really bad you can report him for harrassment as this is what he is doing - harrassing you.
Try not to let it get to you too much because all he is doing is being childish and immature (same thing?) and people with this attitude should just be ignored.
Your boyfriend is the main thing you should be concentrating on, not some jealous loser.
Good luck!!
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