Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, g1llybabes  +, writes (1 February 2012):
g1llybabes is verified as being by the original poster of the questionooo I forgot to say that the give me a chance were my words, we will see were his.
I think he is protecting himself.
I hope that the speed of this only being two days later does constitute just a fight and that his words were of anger and exasperation.
The many chances are my words as in my mind the number of times I have over reacted and hurt him has been so many and every time he was willing to deal with it, learn from it and then let it lie.
Its all too convenient to forget the number of mistakes you have made when your being selfish and think you are being hard done to. When really i was being a bitch. He was willing to let my past mistakes lie but I wasnt with his and even blamed him for feelings that were not even his fault.
So you see it really was my fault.
Thank you so much for all your answers and advise. I really do hope this is just a huge fight.
A
female
reader, g1llybabes +, writes (1 February 2012):
g1llybabes is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAn update- after our talk i didnt expect tot hear from him for a while. I thought as you said he was just clearing himself and making sure I was ok.
we were talking about a song I had to choose as Im a singer and I said that was what I was up to when he called. Later on he text me with a suggestion. Then 2 minutes later text with ":) xxxxxxxxx"
I left it a while about 3 hrs then text with something funny that had happened at my rehearsal and thanked him for the suggestion. Shortly after he text "your welcome angel. You wanna chat a bit later?"
We talked for about 40 mins before we went to bed. Just like we used to when things were good.I didnt mention us at all even though I wanted to. I am an impatient person but I understand this cannot be rushed. I hurt him, he needs time to heal and believe that I can change. I ended the conversation first and said something like speak soon Im off to bed.
I am all too aware of my short comings and it was all my fault. Im not saying that he didnt make any mistakes but we worked through them all at the time. I just couldnt forget. I made many more mistakes than he. I did councilling and was doing awesome, until the trigger of him seeing his ex brought it all back. I brought up everything that had ever hurt me, even stuff that hurt me from my ex husband and fired it all at him. I dont blame him for dumping me.
I should of been thinking about his feelings, he spent 8 yrs with this woman, she has no one and is seriously ill. He was being noble by helping. This woman expected to live the rest of her life with him and he left her so he feels obligated to look out for her. Just cause your not together or in love dosent mean you cant care. He even said to me, Im not going to be a carer but where I can help I will. I know he hasnt cheated and I should of let his past mistake lie in the past. He told me that if she wasnt ill and had no one he wouldnt even be in contact with her. He does not want her to die completely alone. When I think about it- I wouldnt wish then on my worst enemy.
I should of been supportive but all I did was think what is going to happen to me then all the past came out like verbal diarrhea. If i had been supportive of his feelings then maybe I wouldnt be in this position.
I am guessing in his eyes his girlfriend was not thinking of him only herself, and kept hurting him my not moving on from all the things thay may of gone wrong. No relationship is perfect, but the key is too work those things out and deal with them, learn from them and let them lie not keep bringing them up.
But loosing my niece and him on the same day really made me look at the world differently. It was like it didnt matter how I treated him he would always be there. I did not respect him enough when I was feeling low. I made it out to be all his fault and was living in the past and not moving on.
I know now that life is too short to live in the past. This is why I hope we can start our relationship all over again. It must be new as I will never be the same person again. But I will also never forget my mistakes but learn from them.
I am not dependent on him I am moving my life forwards. I dont need him in my life to survive. I would like him in my life to share it with me.
I am hoping that him wanting to talk to me twice in a day shows promise. I really do think I need to show him and myself that I can move forwards and not live in the past. I think he is waiting for me to see I can before committing him self. Which I dont blame him for. His words at the weekend I think were from anger and hurt.
Since last night I have not text him, I was always too heavy with the constant communication. It made me feel loved and gave me validation of our relationship. But I know that someone does not have to text you every five minutes and talk to you for an hour every night for you to be in their thoughts.
I am hoping he will text me for another chat soon. Then the more chats we have that are good, exciting and fun will let him see that what we have was good and that I can move on and leave the past behind. I hope he is in my future.
I really hope that I am not seeing things that are no there. Would he really of wanted to speak to me twice in one day and started putting kisses at the end of his texts and calling me angel again if there was nothing there?
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (1 February 2012):
 I doubt you do everything wrong. Does HE make you feel this way or is this your own brain? In my relationship I THINK I do everything wrong but it’s just how my partner responds to things… we are in counseling to work on our commination issues now. Feeling like you do everything wrong is very hard… and if your partner makes you feel that way ON PURPOSE is this a healthy thing? IF your partner makes you feel that way without meaning to you need to figure out if you can work on this together… IF your partner does NOTHING to make you feel that way then YOU need counseling for yourself to work on your self-esteem.
“he gave me many chances” YOU make him sound like a PARENT…. Or a teacher. YOU put him in a position of authority. Why?
I am guessing that much likes us you guys are very co-dependent… that can be a very unhealthy way to have a relationship… do you want the roller coaster?
Ending a relationship and then two days later being back is a fight….
I hope that it works out for you if that's what you want but I get a sense that you are grasping at straws and trying to see things that aren’t there… his words “give you a chance” “we will see” don’t give me a warm fuzzy feeling.
...............................
A
female
reader, g1llybabes +, writes (31 January 2012):
g1llybabes is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni apologized becuase the reason for the break up is because i hurt him. I did everything wrong. He gave me many chances to sort myself out and I pushed him too far so far he ended it and wanted nothing to do with me. He ended because of how I acted.
when i asked my words were, so is this you giving me another chance and he said we will see. I think I have to prove to him I have learnt from my mistakes and not to let my past shape the future.
Yes he would do that for me and he has, I lived with my ex for a while and he pulled me out of there. He paid for somwhere for me to live while I back on my feet and could find a job close to him.
He has been supportive and patient of me and my issues for a year. But I pushed him too it.
Surley this is my chance to show him. Surley he is just protecting himself from being hurt again.
I thought it was a positive conversation to go from wanting me out of his life to still wanting to talk to me. I mentioned about loosing him to and his words were I havent gone anywhere.
I hurt him and I have to prove that Im not going to do that again.why would you jump straight back into a relationship you just ended 2 days ago without knowing that person that hurt you can change?
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 January 2012):
YOU apologized to him for what????
“I asked if he would give me another chance” WHY ARE YOU BEGGING HIM???? (And yes it’s begging)
And he said “we will see” that, my dear, is STRINGING YOU ALONG and is BS! It’s the proverbial carrot in front of the horse…
“I don’t want to stop talking to you” is very different from “I love you and want to be with you” I don’t want to stop talking to my ex-husband but it’s because it’s the right thing to do… he’s a human being after all. I do not want to live with him or love with him or date him.
Why would you need to ASK if you are still his girlfriend? IF you are his Girlfriend YOU will KNOW it without having to ASK. His actions will say it.
Relationships are HARD but they are not THIS HARD!! They don’t take this much THOUGHT and worry.
Have you ever been in love or had someone love you? HOW did you know? You knew because of HOW the person TREATED YOU….
How does he treat you? Would this man kill for you? Would he un-friend someone who spoke poorly of you? ARE YOU the most important thing in his world???
The reason he keeps up the contact is that you are a SURE thing. He knows he says JUMP and you go “how high sir?” and DO IT…. People are lazy they will take the path of least resistance…
...............................
A
female
reader, g1llybabes +, writes (31 January 2012):
g1llybabes is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok so he has just called me. We chatted about stuff going on and i mentioned about loosing him and he said i havent gone anywhere.
we continued talking and the subject of the weekend came up. I explained how I would never be the same again, apologised etc then we continued to talk about something else. He was talking to me about his passport interview and they had asked why he wanted it and he said that i want to take my girlfriend to Prauge (that must be good he still referred to me as his girlfriend.
I asked if he would give me another chance and he said we will see.
I asked if we could continue to talk and he said i dont want to stop talking to you, you nutter and laughed.
So ill just leave it now and give him space and see how things go. This is my chance to prove to him what I can be and that I have learnt from my mistakes.
What do you all think? How long before I ask the question i am still your girlfriend a month, 2 months, 2 weeks or shall i wait for him to tell me he loves me? I know I am jumping the gun with the questions but I dont want to spoil it by putting pressure on him and asking the question at the wrong time.
...............................
A
female
reader, armyofme +, writes (31 January 2012):
I think confused is right.
If he wanted to get back with you he'd have time to talk with you tonight.
It all kinda smacks of a guilty conscience.
Sorry hun. :/
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 January 2012):
I think he wants to be friends with you and is trying to ease his mind that he has hurt you so badly and you feel more for him than he feels for you.
stop rowing this relationship boat.
he said NOT tonight maybe tomorrow... do not text him again till he contacts you.
...............................
A
female
reader, g1llybabes +, writes (30 January 2012):
g1llybabes is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe just replied saying things will work out for the best :-) I replied saying I know they will. After Friday loosing people has made me see the world in a different light. I hope things will work out for the best including us. Do you fancy a quick natter? He replied with not tonight have lots to do :-( maybe tomorrow :-)
Do we think this is a good sign?
...............................
A
female
reader, g1llybabes +, writes (30 January 2012):
g1llybabes is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI hope not. I was just looking at the speed of his contact. As after all it was only last night he was telling me he didn't want anything to do with me. But today its him initiating contact.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 January 2012):
An hour apart? that's it? look back at the last year. how often did you see each other? how often did he initiate the contact or come to you? how BALANCED was the relationship....
Let me tell you my LDR story: I'm 13 years older than my fiance. I have two grown children closer in age to him than he is to me.
we were 2 hours by car apart (nearly 3 during rush hour but note that I know this)
there were many a Monday morning I left our bed in his apartment and drove nearly 3 hours to work...
We were LDR from December 2010 when we started as FWB/NSA sex. In March 2011 my now ex husband moved out and we started realizing that we were more than FWV
Around the end of June 2011 we started spending 24/7 together as I had surgery and required help. He stayed with me here for a bit then we went to his place and I spent a lot of the summer recuperating there. It says a lot about a man who is willing to do EVERYTHING for you (my surgery meant I could not stand up straight, walk without assistance or go to the bathroom or shower alone...
FORMALLY he gave up his apartment of ten years and moved to me In December 2011.
He lost his job because of the move.... he told me a year ago that he didn't believe in marriage. he never was getting married... guess what... the SECOND my marriage ended he was all ready to get married... because he was in love and committed to me.
Now granted one year to do all this is NOT a lot of time but when you are LDR and you love someone even ONE night without them gets lonely....
I'm just wondering if you are seeing things in his texts that you shouldn't be seeing....
...............................
A
female
reader, g1llybabes +, writes (30 January 2012):
g1llybabes is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe was waiting for his dads house sale to go through and I was going to move to him. We are only about 1 hrs drive from each other anyway so it's not that far.
Do you think he would really text so soon if it is just friends?
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 January 2012):
it's fine but hon, it's FRIENDS zone.
you are LDR... when do you have the chance to not be LDR with him if it works out?
...............................
A
female
reader, g1llybabes +, writes (30 January 2012):
g1llybabes is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIf its over and done why is he texting me. He could of just cut off all ties. I am hoping he may have cooled down from the anger and may be seeing things differently.
I am being positive. I just replied saying day is good thanks for texting and keep me posted on your job :-)
Do you think that's ok?
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 January 2012):
I want to be wealthy and retired... I'm not going to get that either.
IF you WANT you don't always GET...
it's over and done.... LDRs are very very hard... let him go.
...............................
A
female
reader, g1llybabes +, writes (30 January 2012):
g1llybabes is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut I don't want to get over him. I want him back
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (30 January 2012):
 Ignore him. Seems like he wanted to text someone and YOU were it. If he wants nothing to do with you, the only way for you get get over him, is to have nothing to do with him.
...............................
| 