A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:MOD NOTE: For the sake of those who love to call out posts being "troll"...I have my doubts about this but let it through anyways so save the comments please!!!My fiance John told me last night that he had a big confession to make; the confession was that he was already married and had done so in September 2010 to his old boss, Kristen (not her real name).He told me he'd gotten married for a dare in Las Vegas to Kristen, but forgotten about it since leaving the firm in August 2012. He told me that he'd long-since forgotten about the marriage and that he was a bit high at the time, but someone bribed them to let the marriage go through even though in Las Vegas they shouldn't wed people who are high/drunk.My fiance wasn't at the time, in a relationship with his boss, or fucking her (she was 8 years older than him; the way the company structure was, was simply Kristen the boss and her secretary and six employees and the maintenance guy; so no boss's boss or shareholders to report to).He got on well with his co-workers and boss at his small firm he worked for; they'd been in Las Vegas that week negotiating a contract, and the last three days of the trip were all about a breather after intense contract negotiations.I met my fiance in August 2013, a year after he left his employer in California, and moved to my home state (South Carolina) from where he was living at the time (Florida - I was doing temporary secretarial work in Florida, had moved from Arizona for a change of scene, before then I'd lived in Virginia after moving from South Carolina, I kept moving about for jobs as a freelancer, the Florida job was simply for the paycheck, since it was to someone influential in a local town); we dated until September 2019 when he proposed to me, then set a wedding date for August 2021, but that's moved to August 2022 for obvious reasons.He told me he's had no contact with his wife since then, they never lived together, and he'd largely forgotten about it. He told me he's not seen her since or spoken to her since.This may sound like a typical "woman in affair with married man, will he leave the wife" thing, but I didn't know until now.I really do love my fiance, but am wondering, will he ever divorce her and how easy will it be to actually get our own wedding under way?Considering he never really had a "real" marriage the whole time.But this is still quite concerning... he's still technically a married man and we have a 4-year-old daughter, Kayla (not real name).I feel embarrassed and angry, wondering why he didn't tell me this earlier.He's a good man in many ways, a great guy, very romantic, and loving, I'm wondering if this marriage was just stupidity or what, since he ain't never done any of the usual stuff or lived married life with her. Is this just stupidity in his 20s taken to an extreme?On the other hand, I guess, neither side has ever had to deal with dirty underwear, dirty dishes, bills/chores, ageing parents, bad habits etc. since they obviously never lived together during this marriage.I discussed it with him, and he decided to try and contact her via her LinkedIn (if it's still around now) and see about getting a divorce, then get an attorney etc. and divorce her; he said the embarrassment of a joke Las Vegas marriage 11 years on is still quite embarrassing to him.So technically my fiance's separated, but not divorced from her, and I'm in an embarrassing predicament.I could get the hell out of here, but do I really want to throw away 8 years of a great relationship over a Las Vegas wedding and something that pre-dates my relationship?I need your advice and would welcome any help from anyone!!Caitlyn (pseudonym for privacy)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2021): FYI
Laws differ from state to state; so you have to find-out if his marriage is "voidable;" in order to get an annulment. In any case, seek advice from a lawyer to make sure a divorce isn't the best option.
John's credibility is still a bit shaky. I'm still finding it hard to believe someone could forget they're married; and not suffering from amnesia or dementia.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 March 2021):
 I'm with Code Warrior.
I think he is full of it. Sure he might not think about it in his daily life as the "marriage" never affected him or his life as they never lived together.
I find it a little convenient that he remembers now, but not when he first starting courting you.
I think ANYONE with a bit of common sense would have said, I need to get out of this marriage asap when it was over as it was "just" a joke. Even celebs make the dumbass mistake to get a Las Vegas for a "fun" marriage and then quickly after annulling it or get a divorce. HOW he could not even have thought of that in 11 years is just beyond me.
He also doesn't have to contact her. He has to contact a lawyer and get on with it.
Personally, If I were you I'd do a background check on him. See if that marriage was actually registered and legal or not. Then go from there.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (25 March 2021):
 Yes the story is Fishy. Fishy enough that our Moderator posed a notice. And based on that fishiness, I offer this advice. Quietly find and contact the Wife. Verify the whole story and get an ide of the important facts.
1. She has never cohabitated with him.
2. She has not had a child since they were married.
3. She has not married anyone else in that time.
These are important legal questions that could affect a divorce in South Carolina.
Also It will verify that this isn't some big story he made up to put off the wedding for a year (which would be a pretty pointless dodge).
My read on your situation is that "John" is in the habit of putting off marriage, and that you are worried that he will continue to do that.
As a final bit of advice, when you two get this prior marriage settled by either divorce or annulment (preferred) you don't wait for the wedding. Remember that a Solid marriage is way more important than a pretty wedding.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2021): He should get a quickie divorce. Problem solved!
Now this would have been a whole different story had he waited until you were married! I doubt he forgot, that's a big load of manure!!! It doesn't shine the best light on him, or his judgement. You can't undo Kayla, she's the core of the family. He should get the legal wheels turning regarding the divorce as soon as possible.
Get a good divorce lawyer, determine what the law is in your state, and seek the quickest means possible.
The state and local rules can vary, but let's say his spouse fails to respond to his divorce petition within 30 days. He can file a request to enter a default along with a proposed judgment. That might be allowed when a spouse can't be located for service.
Also make sure he consults the lawyer about protection of his assets and survivor's benefits. You wouldn't want her coming out of the blue to collect any life insurance, or other spousal benefits; should something unforeseen happen to him. Kayla should be heir to any monetary benefits left upon his death, as her birthright, more so than anyone! All of it! Until you become his legitimate and lawful spouse. I'd even suggest he should write a living will!
My dear, you're not in the category of a being one of those mistresses who knowingly has an affair with a married-man. That's way different from this situation. However, I would submit that John has a serious problem with truthfulness; that he could conceal something like this from you for so long. That is quite a serious problem. That's what's more concerning than anything.
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