A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my fiancee Becky for 8 years, we got engaged in 2018 and are getting married in 2022; it was planned for 2020 but got cancelled, first due to our work schedules from January to March, and now the coronavirus pandemic.I'm 38, my wife's 43.I've had one relationship before 2013 that lasted for 4 years (2008-2012) but it was ended after the woman I dated , and then got engaged to in August 2010, ended things in July 2012 when she got a new job for ICE and had to move state for the job (I'm in California) and I couldn't move since I'd got a promotion and my employer was only small and in startup mode (I've been with them since December 2011, and am now in a managerial position). Before then, my employer was only a pop-up employer, and I'd worked for them in 2008 and 2009, until the boss turned the pop-up into a full-time business in December 2010. My employer couldn't move and obviously in 2012 didn't have the capabilities to do remote work or anything like that when it was small and had to account for every penny.I met my wife in March 2013, not long after... when I was flying to New York, met her on a flight and we've been together ever since.So, that's that.Here's the big question.It's what happened this week that concerned me.A woman wearing a tiny white sleeveless crop top and extremely short denim skirt came to our house earlier this week, and she was in her 40s.She told me she was my fiancee's ex-girlfriend Ava, and that she needed to speak to my wife about something, and she'd found our address online somehow; she'd travelled 90 miles for this!My fiancee, kind as she is , let her in.They argued for about 3.5 hours, it got quite verbal and argumentative.My fiancee told me that her ex really wanted them to get back together, and wouldn't accept no.Her ex-girlfriend is 41, and does glamour modelling/OnlyFans/Instagram as a job, some X-rated modelling (but ISN'T a sex worker, despite what people think) and really wants to get back with my fiancee.Ava wants to give up the glamour modelling/OnlyFans work to go into working with autistic adults as a career change, claiming it's a more settled job and although the paycheck won't be as big as now, at least better job security.Ava dated Becky from December 2003, when she was aged 25 to November 2005 aged 27 and Becky was 26 years old (28 by the time it ended), and it ended in December 2005 when Becky moved to California; as it is, Ava is from way out of state; 2,350 miles away in West Virginia, a 7 hour flight from here in LA!My fiancee told her no, but Ava would not accept it, and then began suggesting to her that me, my fiancee and her become a "throuple" (two women dating one man, in our case, Ava only wanting Becky and me, no-one else) but Becky still said no, and Ava kept ranting.If history had gone a different way and we did/do become a "throuple", what would be the biggest problems we had to face, other than jealousy... especially given it's THREE people living together. I'm not someone who understands polyamory beyond the basics.But she does like Ava as a friend, though, and admitted she had missed her in other ways. She did tell me she thought Ava was still attractive, but loved me and that I was her number 1 priority romantically.She does still want Ava in our life, though, but that comes with Becky's kind personality; she's not someone easily taken for a fool though.I had to try and not let myself get jealous; if it had been a male ex, things could have got violent and more problematic, but less so with a female ex?I knew Becky had dated women, was only ever into dating women who were feminine, hated being seen as a butch lesbian, as Becky's very feminine herself, for me there was no fetishization of lesbians because my cousin Danielle (not her real name) was very similar to my fiancee Becky except Danielle is lesbian; my wife just said her sexuality was her own thing and that, also, way back in 2003-2004, it wasn't really acceptable for women to date other women, as compared to today.As it is, Becky told me she was considering the "throuple" thing but doesn't know how it'd work out; she said it's not about swinging or getting with other women beyond Ava (Becky said she's not into an open marriage or anything like swingers' scenes and that Ava wants no other partners beyond us and wants to date both of us) and she wanted me involved in every step of discussion if it did happen. I really love Becky, but don't want to have a second broken engagement.I'm worrying largely about the jealousy issues that I could have; of course, the future ain't set in stone so my fiancee Becky may not go ahead with this (and I don't know) but at the same time she is a really great woman I'd be really hard starting from scratch after being with her since March 2013.My basic problem is how to cope with the whole thing... need advice!
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cousin, engaged, ex girlfriend, fiance, get back together, her ex, jealous, lesbian, swinging, violent Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2021): You will end up losing your wife.This will not work in the long run.Is just sex worth that?Think before you sink.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2021): You really think this is going to work out, for you? It will work wonderfully for them. But hey you do you. Because trust me very soon Becky won't be doing you.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (21 March 2021):
 This kind of situation NEVER works out. Want proof? Go back through DC's archives. Yes people want to try it out an think they are different and their relationship is strong enough and then one of them writes on here saying how it destroyed their relationship. Its not a good idea in any way shape or form.
If you fiance really wants to do this, I think I'd end the engagement. I'd venture a guess that YOU will be the one getting hurt if you allow a threesome to happen.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2021): Seriously?!!
This is a no-brainer!!! You wanted to marry Becky. Now who's the fool to take Ava (her lesbian lover) into the mix, so you'll be edged-out? Meanwhile, you're working and possibly supporting two full-grown females! What if they both decide not to work, or you get foolish and get them both pregnant? To top it off, now your marriage comes with an outrageous precondition that would knock the little bride-groom of the top of your wedding cake!
This isn't back in the biblical-ages of concubines and polygamous societies. If you're moving to Utah, then shut my mouth!!!
If you belong to a form of faith and worship, what does your religious doctrine and God's commandments allow?
You know Becky, but Ava might be a witch-on-wheels, a handful, and then some! She will have full-access to all your personal-information and bank accounts.
What will you do when they gang-up on you? If they collaborate a horrible story that could get you into serious legal trouble?
I don't see how this is even a matter up for debate or questioning. Do you want a bisexual wife, or do you want a monogamous traditional-marriage? If you're thinking with your penis, be prepared to deal with all the consequences and possible scenarios. It might seem interesting looking at it from a "pornish" point of view; but it is heading for disaster. Becky will divorce you, and she and Ava will ride-off into the sunset with half your assets, possibly your kid(s), and live happily ever-after.
Oh, BTW, Ava didn't just show-up out of the blue. They had a thing going-on all along!
Do you really need to come to a site on the internet to figure this out???
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 March 2021):
 So what that AVA wants to date your fiance?
Let me repeat...
SO WHAT?
Adding a 3rd person is USUALLY disastrous. Just look for the many many posts on here where things went really wrong when adding another person.
Ava is not looking to date you. She is looking to date your fiance. And I think she is looking for YOU to financially take care of her while she "dates" your finance, soon-to-be wife. She is ONLY including you because she thinks it's how she can "sell" her little scheme of a throuple to you and your fiance. You, sir, are thinking with your dick if you think she (Ava) gives two SHITS about you.
She isn't a friend of your wife. She is just trying to steamroll you and your fiance into whatever SHE (Ava) wants.
She isn't a reasonable person. A REASONABLE person would not show up out of the blue and DEMAND a relationship with someone they dated a decade ago. That is ridiculous!
This is not a potential "throuple" it's TROUBLE.
If you say yes to this your relationship is doomed. Because Ava will without doubt create havoc to a point of breaking you and Becky up. Ava wants Becky. NOT you.
If you say no, then Becky will HAVE to make a choice. It MIGHT end your engagement it might not. Becky might realize that MARRIAGE is about 2 people, not 3 (unless you have kids). That YOU are serious about how you feel about her. That you ONLY want her and want to dedicate the REST of your life to Becky.
Also... are you sure Becky and she weren't in contact before? Seems a little strange that she had your address if they haven't talked for nearly a decade.
It all sounds like really bad porn.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (20 March 2021):
 Why has this ex suddenly reappeared in your fiancee's life? Where was she all the years between them finishing their relationship and now, 15+ years later? She obviously managed quite well without her for all that time so that would be my first question to the ex.
Everything else aside, given the ex's complete lack of respect for your relationship or the wishes of your fiancee/her ex, how could this ever work? Would she just grind down your fiancee with arguments and refusal to "accept no" every time there was an issue? Refusal to accept "no" is not really an option, unless your fiancee makes it one. No should mean no. End of.
You and your fiancee are 100% of a couple, not 65% of a threesome. Unless you stick together and refuse to let this cuckoo into your nest, this is going to end badly. The invader will not be happy until she has her ex to herself, and then where will you be? I think you and your fiancee need to sit down and agree the ex needs to be banished to the past where she belongs. Friendship with her is NOT an option, because that is not what she wants and she will just use it to drive a wedge between the two of you.
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A
male
reader, Justryingtohelp +, writes (20 March 2021):
Don't go there, dude. 3-ways are only a good idea in porn films. You and your woman need to present a united front against this trespasser and get rid of her. That means your woman needs to stop being so soft and tell her ex to disappear.
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (20 March 2021):
 Its never a good idea bringing a third person in to the bedroom, and more often than not end with the end of a marriage/relationship.
Have a scroll through previous threesome posts and try to find one that had a happy ending.
I think that this other woman is the fly in the ointment here, i think you both need to abolish contact with her and move on with your lives.
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