A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I'm emailing you regarding an obsessive, controlling and abusive relationship.To start things off.. I'm an 18 year old male living in Spain but originally from Northern Ireland.I had this girlfriend for nearly 17 months. We met when we were both 16, I'm now 18 and she's 17. We were absolutely perfect together at the start, we would do everything together and we were the best of buddies. Then, around 4/5 months into the relationship, she seems to start being a bit obsessive and controlling and start to put me down, in everyway she could. Anyway, it gets to around 8/9 months, and I had to do everything perfectly for her, and if not, she would split up with me just because of it, even though we got back together in a few hours or the next morning. I felt like I had too much pressure on me to do everything totally correct, but I stuck with it. Anyway, it gets to Christmas time, and she forced me into getting my parents to stay at my place for 2 weeks, while her family went away on holiday, so she ended up staying. She's always been jealous of me saying hello to another girl, I would never even think of cheating on her though! She would even get jealous when I said hello to one of my boy mates! But, we were still close until around last February, when my Grandma died, I had to go to Belfast for the funeral and I could only tell her by text, first thing in the morning, when I had to get the quickest flight over. So, again, she split up with me just because she didn't have it her way and she was staying around her friends' place and everything, not giving a damn about me. She ends up then sending me texts saying that she's been too stubborn and that she's sorry, and since I can't hold a grudge, I told her that it was okay and that we will be perfect when I get back. So, it comes to April time, my 18th birthday. By this stage, we've split up loads, but like I said only for a short period of time. On my facebook page, all my friends on facebook were commenting me saying happy birthday and that I should have a good day and all. But, this didn't go down well with her, so, in-turn, she dumped me. I went insane at her, I thought that it was a plan to just dump me on my birthday or something weird. We ended up meeting for lunch that day, I didn't try to hug her or anything, but she started crying, and I felt bad and we both apoligised, so that was it okay.It was at this stage when she started to physically hit me, and I wouldn't even dream of touching her, I was just waiting for her to realise what she's done. She would kick and hit me for barely anything, which I just couldn't understand. She's even thrown her fone at me, kept on picking it up until it snapped in half, in the middle of the street because she was feeling ill and she wanted me to go and get her some food, but she would ALWAYS say to me that if i ever leave her like that, then she would get angry, so I was in a catch 22 situation really.A few weeks ago, I had my final exams, she kept me up until 3 o clock in the morning a few nights before them just because she made me see her. I was so so so tired. I was even going to leave school for her on the Friday that I finished them just to make us work. Friday then come along, I'm totally knackered and fell asleep straight when I got home, she tried ringing me and I had my phone turned off and I woke up at around 9:10 in the night time with about 25-35 missed calls from her wanting to know where I was and texts telling me how much of a bad person I am. Literally, two minutes after I seen these, she rang me up, crying her eyes out wanting to see me. So I had to walk 40 minutes to her place, just to see her in the pouring rain. We just acted normal when we saw each other. Okay, she gets a break from work at 3:30 to 4:30, on the Saturday, the day after. I told her I was getting a hair cut and that I had made the appointment for 3:50, so I couldn't see her. She text me saying that she was going to get another boy, so I didn't meet her after work. I just left it and thought she would calm down by the morning. She always told me how much she loved me and how perfect I am when we weren't arguing though. So I don't know which side of her to believe. I tried calling her on Sunday, and I found out she was at the beach with a lot of boys? Strange, she would never do that and neither would I. I kept trying to ring her, and it was only yesterday she told me that she had went out on the Saturday night, while I was in bed sleeping and she was away kissing some other boys! Who are 16 years old!! And I text her asking why she had done it, and if she just apoligises then we can forget it and move on happily. She text back saying something like, he's the one for me (The boy she kissed).When I heard about this, I went to see my Dad in Belfast (My parents aren't split up, he just works there occasionally). I had a great time, I met some friends and they were there to comfort me, but the day before I came back, she emailed me telling me how much I mean to her, so I obviously bought it all and met with her the night I came back.So, that night came and we ended up talking about everything, and I was fine for her just to apoligise, which she did. We then ended up having sex that night, and straight after we had finished, she told me that she had had sex with that 16 year old boy. When she told me, I went into hysterics and ended up fainting.. she promised so much to me and now she's done that.Since that, I can't eat, and when I try to, I'm automatically sick and I keep drinking a lot of alcohol to ease my pain.And then last Friday, I went out with all my old mates, who I never went out with for the past year because of her. I ended up kissing another girl to see if I felt anything, and it gave me a little confidence that I can do it. My ex-girlfriend found out and apparently she broke into tears when she heard it and she sent me constant emails telling me how much I've done wrong just by kissing that other girl, when she's went and had sex with someone else!She's been totally using everything I ever told her against me. And she's making all mine and her friends believe that I was the one in the wrong! I was never an anxious person before I met her. But, now it's got that bad that I've become mentally impotent, at 18 years old!She's messed me around so much and my mind is in a state.. I really need help, I can't keep doing this.Please give me some advice
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a break, christmas, confidence, ex girlfriend, facebook, got back together, jealous, kissing, move on, my ex, on holiday, period, split up, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so so so much for your advise guys! I've felt better recently, I've been on and off about her to be honest, wanting to talk to her and then not wanting anything to do with her.. I'm actually away from home at the minute, working in the moto gp circuits around Europe, just finished silverstone and now I'm on the ferry to the Netherlands! :) but I'm dreading going back home, because I know that everything will start over again... :/
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): Your girfriend is a classic Borderline Personality Disordered woman. Be careful, the next thing on the menu is her getting prego and trapping you into marriage or a permanent relationship with this psycho.She can't help herself but this is no excuse for her behavior or for putting up with her. The reason you are having such a hard time extricating yourself is not just because you are playing the victim, she's performing a kind of terroristic brainwashing on you, and it is making you physically ill. This is real, being around this kind of pathology is going to give you all sorts of physical and mental problems, like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.You are young and you have your whole life ahead of you.You must break all ties with her and don't be subject to her manipulations any longer, she may even threaten to kill herself if you leave her for good, don't believe it, you aren't responsible for her wacked out belief system or her actions. She is severely mentally ill, problem is she is not crazy. She know's exactly what she is doing and what buttons to push to get you to jump and how high.She's cruel. You really do deserve better than someone who won't work on their own stuff. Tell yourself this because it is true, it will help you leave her for good. And read those articles written by a PHD level psychologist.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (14 June 2010):
 You know what you need to do, its just about finding the courage to do it and not looking back.
In my experience, a volatile, irrational woman like this is capable of anything. You really think if she's punching, kicking, throwing things at you that she really has any care about your well being?
Trust me when I say that there ain't much in this world that's scarier than an enraged woman up in your face, screaming and waving a large blade at you with an utter detachment from reality. Given her past behavior, its just a matter of time before she does something completely insane like this to you. Be smarter than me, get the hell away from this crazy woman... and do it now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2010): I agree with what the other poster said. Wouldnt you be much happier if you stopped having anything to do with her completely ?. And you'd get your confidence back.
Imagine what you would expect your ideal girlfriend to be like ?. Is this girl the image you would have in your mind??......
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A
female
reader, Aim.xx  +, writes (14 June 2010):
I was 13 when i was in a relationship like this for 2 year. I got pregnant and he pushed me down the stairs and i miscarried. I caught him in bed with my ex best friend he cheated on me with 8 different gals he use to call me fat and ugly and i use to go running back to him. I found the courage to break things off for good and now im engaged to a bril man now. People like this are not worth your time and effort please try and put this girl behind you
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