A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid I think my boyfriends excuse for breaking up with me is a cop out and that he won't tell me the real reason why he wanted to break up. He told me that he wanted to break up because of how neglectful I was the first 3 months of our relationship. This is actually somewhat true because I was still in school at the time and working full time. I admit I didn't give him the attention he deserved and was very stressed out. All in all I wasn't the best girlfriend. However that was a year and a half ago when that happened...and our relationship has been amazing from my point of view. I think I have tremendously made it up to him for how I was in the beginning. I have even asked him a couple of times if he's forgiven me for my neglect and he has said yes. I was for sure he was way past this and that it wasn't even as issue anymore. So why he used this as an excuse I don't know but I have a feeling he's using it as an easy way out. He told me 'well our relationship started off really bad, how do we know that won't happen again?' I told him that I would not let it happen again and he didn't really care. My question is, does this sound like a true dumping excuse? I know what I did in the beginning wasn't good, but I've made it up to him. That was only a 3 month thing until I finished school. I've given him a lot of attention since and he's told me he's happy so I'm not buying his excuse.
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (8 April 2016):
 Yes how dare you finish off school, work full time, neglect servicing your boyfriends needs and make amends thereafter – NOT! How is this starting off really bad? More importantly, where was his support for you in the beginning, whilst you where being sensible and focused?
His excuses point the finger of blame at you, yet 3 fingers point back at him. For me, excuses are the nails that build a house of failure! This guy is so piss weak petty, he had to dig as far as Australia for some lame excuse that happened a year and a half ago, like really?
If it started off so bad, it sounds like it’s ending for the better. Because with this type of unforgiving man, he WILL always hold you to blame and you’ll NEVER know where you stand with him. They hold (petty) grudges and you’ll forever walk on eggshells, and became another insecure woman within a relationship.
Take Care – CCA
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (7 April 2016):
 Sounds like a shitty excuse but it doesn't really matter at the end of the day he wanted the relationship to end for a reason and whether it was truly that we will never know.
If it was true then I agree it sounds petty considering it was so long ago and things have improved since then, but hey Ho, cut contact and move on with your life.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 April 2016):
 It. Doesn’t. Matter. If his “excuse” is valid or not. The thing you need to recognize is that he’s ended the relationship.
It may be he has a new girlfriend. Or his mommy said she needed him to drop you. Or he’s gay and needed to end the relationship to start a new one. Or he’s so sensitive he never got over your busy schedule in the first 3 months.
Whatever his “excuse” is, the relationship is over and I would start to deal with that in a healthy and positive manner.
One of the things I’ve learned in my 50+ years on the planet is that eventually the reasons for a breakup will come out, and by the time you learn them, they won’t matter to you any more than the memory of changing a flat tire on a distant highway.
Research the stages of grief in a relationship break up and I think you’ll feel a lot better soon. :)
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 April 2016):
 Heh, that guy seems really high maintenance. Consider yourself lucky that you didn't give MORE of your time to him. He said that because he didn't want to seem like the bad guy in the breakup. He's NEEDY, and he didn't realize that your life doesn't revolve around him 100% of the time. I had a relationship when I was working and full-time school, and we ended up married! Most people have, to be honest.
Having a life outside of your boyfriend/girlfriend is NOT neglectful. If you were snapping at him constantly or verbally abusing him, that's one thing. But the whole year and a half afterwards just demonstrates that this guy doesn't realize that a girlfriend isn't a "beck-and-call" job!
I'm guessing that he's going to be breaking up with a lot of people and accusing a LOT of people of being "neglectful" because he has really low self-esteem and an overweaning ego. See what he did to you on this last break-up? He had to prop up his own ego, so he manufactured some slight from a year ago to use.
If there was *ever* a time to laugh this guy off and enjoy your new single freedom, it's NOW! Guys like the one you just freed yourself of tend to get more and more controlling, and god help you if you marry one, because they become toxic life-sucking vampires and would have turned you into a shell of the person you were. They suck out your dreams because you weren't thinking enough about them. They suck out your style because they're sure you're trying to attract someone else. They suck out your friends and social life because they want to BE your only social life. They suck out your career because THEY want YOU to be their "help-mate" and not actually be a fully-realized individual.
Whatever you do, don't go running after this creep demanding a "real reason", because that's what he wants you to do anyways. You pining for him, grovelling, changing your habits, apologizing for having a life...that's what he wants! It's his last effort to control you beyond your relationship. Don't let him!
Just let him have his lame ego crutch and be on your way! Most guys would be attracted to your ambition rather than trashing you for your work ethic. The sooner you detox emotionally from this guy, THE BETTER! Chin up!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 April 2016):
 Does it really matter?
He used a lame excuse because THAT was the only "bad" thing he could find and use as an excuse.
For whatever reason he wanted out. So if I were you, I'd wish him well, block him and move on.
Sometimes relationships don't work out and you can't exactly put your finger on why. (not till much later).
Better he broke up than stringing you along. Now you are BOTH free to find a better match.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (5 April 2016):
 OP, being busy isn't something you did wrong that you owe him for. It was your life circumstances at the time and it was in his power to choose to stick it out and move on. You don't owe him penance.
Second, he doesn't have to offer any explanation for breaking up with you. It would be nice, certainly, to know if and where you went wrong so you can fix that in the future, but it isn't required. Once one party says it's over, it's over. He's not obliged to keep being your boyfriend until YOU decide he has a valid reason to leave. He may have lost romantic feelings for you, but isn't crass enough to say that. He may have found someone else with whom he's better suited. Maybe he just wants to be on his own. We just don't know.
To answer your question, I'd say he wanted out and that is reason enough.
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