A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. He's lovely and I love him so much. I lost my virginity to him and want him to be the only one in my life. Few months ago, he said something that hurt me. He said ''what do you think about the idea of a threesome?!'' Yes, it did hurt me. Im really jealous and wants him all for myself. I dont know where he got the idea from. He then apologized to me but last week he kinda brought it back again because we were talking about spicing things up. Yet again, i did hurt me a lot.He then explained to me that his idea of threesome was never to have sex with an another girl. All he wants is me to make out with a girl while hes pleasuring me!!! Yes I kinda understand now because months ago, we went out drinking with my friends (girls), I got so drunk and i kissed my friend. He told me later that night that it turned him on soo badly. Weeks later, it happened again when i ended kissing a friend just for fun. But now, thats his fantasy that keeps him thinking about it all the time and wont make him stop talking about it. He said he doesnt want to touch the other girl, i believe him, he is always honest with me. But im kinda jealous.Have any of you ever been in this situation?
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female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (5 October 2010):
 olderthandirt and honeypie are being a little too biased and serious I think!
It can be a fun experience if you want to do it, and you do it with the right girl. Its totally natural to be jealous, I was at first. But remember guys think differently than us girls! They look at a hot girl and want to have sex with them..this isnt because they dont love you with every fibre of their being, its because its natural. There is NO reason it should ruin a relationship if approached properly and talked about!!
Have fun!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 October 2010):
 We've all been in your situation. This could be harmless, or it could be seriously damaging to your relationship, depending on your boyfriend. But from what I understand by what you are telling me this is completely harmless and easy to work through. I have so much I can say about this, so bear with me through this introduction.
I don't think your boyfriend understands that you are hurt, or what you are hurt by. Maybe he understood it better the last time you spoke, but I don't read him bringing it up twice as nagging at all. He is curious. You turned him on. A threesome is one of the typical adventurous things everyone dream to try out. Or at least everyone think about it to some degree, figuring out if it is for them or not. Your boyfriend found it a turn on that you kissed another girl. It is as simple as that, and you don't have to feel hurt by it.
When it comes to an actual threesome, there are many do's and don'ts, but it really comes down to your partner and what the two of you decide is okay to do and not. Everyone has their own limits, and it is important to talk these little details out before even going as far as finding a third person.
What I suggest you do, is talk to him again about the threesome. Make it very clear exactly what he has in mind, and don't get hurt by it. Rest assured he is a faithful boyfriend, and the one golden rule is that you are never going to do something you don't feel comfortable with, or make your partner do something they don't want. Your boyfriend sounds decent, and I don't believe he would ever force you to do anything you are not comfortable with. Ask him just in case you are unsure. Then, once you know he wont force you or expect anything, you wont be so hurt by hearing him out.
After you have heard what he imagines and thinks around a threesome, you can come with your own ideas and thoughts. For example tell him that the idea hurts you, and try and explain why. Obviously you don't mind kissing another girl, or kissing another girl in front of him. So why not take it from there? See how much with another girl you would be comfortable with?
Under any circumstance, don't feel forced to do anything you don't want to, but at the same time don't blame your boyfriend for getting turned on by something you do. It is only great that he gets so turned on by this, and remember, he is turned on because it is you! Any random girls kissing he can go watch online.
Remember also to take things gradually. Even if you decide you want to give this a go, don't run out obsessed with finding a third person. Don't make a big fuzz about it. Both of you need to just take it as it comes. Finding the third person for a threesome is a decent process in itself, and a whole new chapter. I wont go into all of that now, but just know that you need to take it slowly and give it time. Even if you say yes, a threesome might be years away.
At the very end: there are a zillion different ways to have a third person included in a sexual play. Everyone has different preferences, and I think you should google and ask around for what others peoples opinions are, both your friends, online, or even through tv shows or books. You might get inspiration. As a few examples here I will tell you that including a third person can be done in many different ways. A threesome is not the same to every person you ask. And threesomes can be done at different levels. The most "common" idea is one man gets to have sex with two women. BUT, often what happens is that the women don't have sex with each other. OR, in the case of two men and one woman, the men will HARDLY EVER touch each other and have sex with each other. A complete threesome is when everyone has sex with everyone, which like I just said is often not the case.
Other versions is having a threesome with limitations. Example: one man two women, and the man does not get to penetrate the other woman, but only gets to penetrate his girlfriend. Or, is only allowed to use his hands on the other woman, or no kissing... the limitations can go anywhere. Another version is to have one partner as the "observer" while the two others have sex. The observer in this case could be your boyfriend. Limitations and restriction can be used as you please, example the observer is only allowed to touch himself, or the observer takes on the role of "dominant" and gets to command the others what to do. Or the observer is "submissive" and YOU get to tell him what he is allowed to do...
There are so many ways to do this. You could be able to find a way that compromises both of your desires. Another light version is him masturbating to you and another girl kissing.
One good way of thinking about a threesome is that the third person is your sex toy of the day. A toy to be used just like YOU want to, nothing more. Make the rules clear before you go into it, so that all partners are clear on what is ok and whats not ok. And make it clear that it is OK to stop whenever anyone feels like it. And if someone says stop, everyone MUST stop (of course, you and your boyfriend can continue as you please in case the third person leaves).
A last rule: even though you have a third person included, this does NOT set the norm for your sex life. It can be one time and then done, nothing more. Make sure you and your boyfriend both agree to all these rules.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (5 October 2010):
 JUST say NO. You will absolutely regret this if you do it.
Not all fantasies needs to be lived out.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (5 October 2010):
 Don't fall for it. It will never work out...it's just a male fantasy but reality will slap the spit out of you. You'd be better off letting him watch porn all day while you watch.
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