A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 22 year old woman, currently in a two and a half year relationship with a lovely guy, and actually my first boyfriend.I've been jealous about his past and bitter over my own lack of love life. I feel like I've never completely been able to let go of the men I liked in the past, even though nothing ever developed (not even a kiss) with them. I'm still really sad about that. Deep down I know the idea of being with them is nothing more than an illusion, but one that I don't want to let go of.My boyfriend had two relationships (each a year and a half) whilst he was at school and slept with one of them. It hurts so much. More than that though, it's frustrating because he's so passive (rarely initiates anything) in the relationship. So I wonder how he got to have two relationships, and I've had nothing. Not even a kiss. I have to ask him to plan dates (I've taken him out much more than he has taken me out) and I just wish he'd show me off more, and be a bit more couple-like in front of others. I don't mean PDA, but just a little more flirting or joking to show that we're a happy couple.He tells me that this relationship means more to him, and is more serious than anything he's had before, but it still hurts. He's not good at the romantic stuff, but he's very good at being there when I need him. He's the sort of boyfriend that is a best friend.Sometimes I long to be pursued by a man, as I never have. Sometimes I just want to feel what it would be like to be in someone else's arms - not in a relationship, but just to feel the physical intimacy. Maybe just a kiss, maybe more. I want to feel wanted and attractive by others too. You see, he's taken all my experiences, but without giving all of his. He's been able to share intimate experiences with others, and I feel like I never will.My heart longs for passion and to feel unbridled desire. My head tells me that he is a good match for me. He's a good long-term (possible for life) partner, but I long for the thrill of someone hot, who will flirt with me and chase me.I'm so confused over these feelings, and so guilty because he is a good man. Please help me sort through these feelings. I'm unhappy a lot of the time and I don't want to cry anymore.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2015): HiBottom line time....you are very definitely not happy in this relationship are you?. It sounds as if you want someone, or at least want to experience being with someone, who could not be more different than who you're with now. I don't doubt you when you say that he s a good man, but you can't base relationships on this alone. It's not your fault if you don't fit each other well. It's no-one's fault, so try not to feel guilty.One of the joys of life is to flirt and feel desired and excited. To wonder, will we or won't we? If you have never experienced this before and you are not happy with the person you're with now, then I would say finish it up with your present boyfriend and set out in the world to soak up all the experiences and excitement it has to offer. There is a lot of time ahead of you and, if I was you, I wouldn't want to be wasting the best years of my life wondering and wishing. In my opinion, get out there, have fun and live the way it sounds as if you really want to! You only get one life after all.
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