A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I broke off my engagement because I caught him talking to one of his ex's. We had an argument so he called her - He said she's just a friend means nothing and since he knows I have access to his phone bill and passwords he's got nothing to hide. I didn't want him back because to me this is cheating. A week ago I found out I'm pregnant! I am so confused, we've been trying for over a year and it happened now. After what he did I feel scared and alone in this. We're back together but I don't trust him and I don't know what to do :(
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female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (13 April 2015):
 Op, you don't have to do anything right now. You've only just taken him back and you've just learned you're pregnant, which is life altering news. That's a lot to take in in such a short period of time.
The baby isn't going to be born for several months yet, so you have plenty of time to prepare one way or the other.
There is no rush to make any decisions here, so give yourself some breathing space.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2015): I guess trust is the most important ingredient in a successful relationship or marriage. The last thing a man should do after an argument with your fiance, is contact an ex!!! It sounds spiteful. However; I also think it was meant to push your buttons. He knows you're insecure or may be jealous. The timing that he decided to contact her as a "friend" is tremendously suspicious.
If he called her just to spite you, I guess that makes him a vindictive-person. You don't use your "friends" in such a way. Dragging them in-between you and your mate during a disagreement.
Well, you're pregnant. If he's the father, that means he's going to be a part of your life. Like it or not. I guess you're going to need to work things out. You caught him "talking" to his ex, not boinking her!!! So get a grip, girlfriend! Get things into proper perspective.
If you have access to all his passwords and his devices; exactly what's your problem? He's totally transparent, and you have access to everything. Obviously he knows that was necessary to make you happy. Your lack of trust is apparently nothing new to him.
If you have trust-issues, don't be in a hurry to marry the guy. That is one of the most detrimental insecurities in a relationship. Having the inability to trust.
Now there are two-sides to every story. Lets give him benefit of the doubt. Just in-case he's not 100% of your problem. The minute someone tells me they have trust-issues, I distance myself from them. In fact, why they can't trust doesn't amount to a bill of beans. I don't care why! They never get-over what "other people" have done to them, and I don't have time for that. I speculate that he contacted the ex to make you crazy, so he apparently has always known you don't trust him. He knows you would checkup on him, which explains why you have access.
You'll have to be an adult and work-out parenting of the child now. You don't have to marry the guy if you don't want to.
Not to be unkind or harsh, I don't think you ever trusted the man or ever will. I think your trust-issues are the problem. Not just your fiance.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2015): You can either both work at this, or decide to parent together but end the relationship. Why was he talking to an ex? What was it about? If there was flirting and sexual talk then I can see why this, to you, feels like he has cheated. If they have innocently asked how each other is, then you can likely work through this.He will need to show you he is committed to you and your child, personally I see no reason for two ex's to be in contact (unless they have a child) in which case he should delete her number, Facebook etc... You should spend time together, even if you can't afford to go out any where special, you can afford to take time out and visit a local park area, take some lunch and actually be together. After 9 years with my now husband, I find getting out of the house and spending time together helps me feel happy to be in his company. We aren't talking about housework or boring chores, you're just out and can reconnect. Make an effort yourself to notice the things he does that you like, or makes you laugh, rather than waiting for the negative. Living with anyone can reveal habits that might bother us, but make a point of once, twice or more a day to make an effort to thank him for something, or comment that something he has said or done has made you happy or laugh. Once you look for the positive you see it more and more, and that in turn makes you a happier person to be around and he will notice it too.If things feel far from repair, consider a couples counsellor who can give you more tips and advice tailored to your situation, who can try and help see if your relationship is worth continuing. Don't feel you have to stay for the sake of a child, but at one point the two of you had something special enough to want to try and have a child together and IImagine with some support you could get back to that x
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