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My boyfriend hit me, but now threatens to kill himself if I leave him. Help!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 August 2008) 16 Answers - (Newest, 30 August 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

My bf and I get on good normally bt when we argue.. WE ARGUE.. we shout scream evrything but today he punched me.. I was in complete hysterics and tried to leave but he locked me in and I eventually managed to leave when his mate came in. He phoned me saying he was going to kill himself and I went back there tonight.my parents saw the bruise on my face and I told them it was from banging into a cupboard.

I dont know what to do I love him so much but hes made me scared of him..

I feel like i will b constantly on eggshells..

please help.. if you want any more info just ask..

Thanks

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2008):

Hey babes, we haven't forgotten about you... I know you love him, and I know you want to be with him. But guys that hit are "abusers"....

Here's a couple of links, you don't have to do anything, we don't want to hurt you, but guys who hit always get worse. How many times have you heard that sentance "I ran into a door"... now your saying it too, you are one of thosed abused women, a guy has hit you and bruised you. It will get worse....

You do what you want to do, you do what you can to make yourself happy. But he can't keep on hitting you, he can't keep threating you with death. Your parents aren't stupid, if he makes you too unhappy, one day they will notice...

Here I found you links, you don't have to do anything but read them, they are some stories about women, who have had partners like yours.... Men hurt, and then you (the person in pain) lie and protect them.... Can I ask you a question, why are you covering this up? Should we be in relationships that turn us into liars and force us to hide the things that cause us pain?

http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/

http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/domestic_violence/

http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/relationships/healthy_relationship.html

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2008):

The best answer to this problem its to leave him. why? becuase if you keep living with him you will be miserable the rest of your life and him too. I understand that you love him and that you are scared that he killed himself or do somethig stupid that you will feel guilty. You need to do soemthing about this becuase if he doesnt killed himslef,someone else will be kill. I understand that feeling, I have the same problem wiht my parther, but you know what they want to control us by telling us that they are going to kill themselves. I decided that I am the only one who controls myself and nobody will treat me that way again. You have the answer girl nobody else.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2008):

Here read this... http://www.dearcupid.org/question/warning-signs-youre-dating-a-loser.html

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A female reader, duskyrowe United Kingdom +, writes (18 August 2008):

duskyrowe agony auntI am with all the Aunts on this one, leave him and don't fall for his emotional blackmail.

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A female reader, BigSis United Kingdom +, writes (18 August 2008):

BigSis agony auntI've been there, and guys like him do not change!

I agree 100% with everything everyone is saying here, so there's not a lot left for me to say in this matter.

What I will say though, is, you're young and you will find someone with whom you will fall in love with for real.

Be safe hon, take care and please listen to us all.

BigSis

xXx

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A female reader, Angle79 Cambodia +, writes (18 August 2008):

Angle79 agony auntLeave him now Sweetie. I was in a similar situation. I know its hard to leave somone you love. But there is no future. Killing himself, is just a threat! That what my exhusband did to me! - i left him and he is still alive and enjoys hanging around with other girls.

He punches you today, he will do it again! believe me!

Be strong and stay safe. Loves

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A male reader, Collaroy Australia +, writes (18 August 2008):

Collaroy agony auntHi,

Everyone will tell you the same thing, this is just the start of the beatings. He will make you feel like it is your fault that he does it and soon you will be covering bruises and your parents will wonder why you are so accident prone.

Leave him now, and if you have the courage go to the police do it , he will only beat his next victim. He should be stopped, he is a monster who should be put away in a rat infested cell.

No man should ever hit a woman. Threatening to kill himself is just his pathetic way of trying to keep you under his control.

And tell your parents what happened, he probably won't give up so easily, so you will need your family around you to keep him away.

good luck.

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A female reader, itstheoneulove United States +, writes (18 August 2008):

itstheoneulove agony aunt hitting you is not right at all. and you should not let any man do this to you. i know you say you love him, and im sure you do but you cant tolerate this abuse. because that is exactly what it is..physical abuse. i know you care about him and i completly understand. he needs some professional help beyond what you could ever give him.

i was in a milder, but similar situation as you. me and my ex boyfriend were in love but at a point we fought constantly. it was ridiculous. we would scream and shout at each other and it became a constant battle for hours at a time. it was never fun anymore. he would block me in teh corner so i couldnt get out while we argued when i just wanted to walk away so we wouldnt be screaming at each other. he also told me he wanted to kill himself at times. you never want to say anythign wrong because he will get mad..right?

sometimes guys just say that to make sure you will stay with him to control you even more. but when they threaten teh safety of you, they are crossing the line. this is not love anymore. i was so much happier once it was over because i felt free again, and i dont think you should waste your time with a man that is hurting you. you only live once..and you have to make the most out of it.

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A male reader, bfire United States +, writes (18 August 2008):

Leave!

Firstly he probably won't kill himself because he is using that as a way to control you into staying.

And if by any SMALL (and I mean super small chance) he actually does decide to kill himself, well then this is someone that you wouldn't want to be with for SURE! Abusive and suicidal (???) that is nothing you want or should have to deal with.

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A female reader, helpme122796 United States +, writes (18 August 2008):

helpme122796 agony auntyou should LEAVE HIM NOW if he hits you no guy should controle a woman by hioting them so take the advice and leave him

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A female reader, chloe71z United States +, writes (18 August 2008):

chloe71z agony auntPack your stuff and leave go to your parents house of a trusted friend that can help. hell go to the police and tell them about him hitting you, that way if he trys to come after you, you call the cops and they already know its domestic violence he goes to jail.

God Bless and I'll Keep you in my prayers.

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A female reader, dearkelja United States +, writes (18 August 2008):

dearkelja agony auntThis is a man who wants control. He controls you by hitting you and belittling you and when you threaten to leave he controls you by saying he will kill himself. He needs help and you need to leave him. You are not responsible for his actions. The longer you allow him to control him the more escallation of control. This is the type of personality that will eventually stop at nothing to have you or to make sure no-one else does. He will most likely not kill himself but I wouldn't be so sure about killing you.

Leave while you are still thinking straight.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2008):

I understand what you are going through. I am finally leaving my abusive boyfriend. My bet is that this isn't where the violence started. I bet that he would grab you by the arms or pin you to yell at you. Thats how it started for me. Six months later he was dragging me across the floor and was arrested. I didn't press charges because I loved him and he was out 5 days later. One year after that he is still hitting me just not as often and I have found a friend that will let me move in. It sounds like you are still living at home which will help. Its harder to leave when you live with the abuser. My ex always threatened to kill himself in fact the first time he hit me across the face I was trying to stop him from cutting his throat. After three and a half years of suicide threats I know he wont do it.

You have to leave because he will never change and it wont ever stop even if it gets better for a while.

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A female reader, O Connor Ireland +, writes (18 August 2008):

O Connor agony auntyou need to leave now hun. he hit you once he will hit you again and you staying with him is only making it ok for him to hit women. him saying that he will kill himself maybe blackmail or it may be genuine. either way you shouldnt stay with him. he is just a timebomb and the next time you fight he will explode. i think that the best thing you can do now is go and stay with your parents and tell them wat is going on. they will support you and help you make the right decision.

you cant let this guy trick you into staying around.

to be honest i think he is lying to you about killing himself and is desperate for you to stay.

leave him now, live the life you deserve and find someone who deserves you. good luck and please get out. email me if you need to xxx

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A female reader, x-kitycatlok-x United Kingdom +, writes (18 August 2008):

x-kitycatlok-x agony auntIf a man hits you, you must never go back to them. Trust me on that one, yeah? Seriously, you don't want a man who hurts you. Men must never hurt women at all, and the fact that he did shows he doesn't care about you as much as you thought he did. Also, locking you in was out of order and he shouldn't have done it. He could get into a lot of trouble for what he's done... Do you really want that?

He's using the killing himself thing as an excuse for you to stay with him, but once he's hit you once he will do it again, you can count on it. Do you want a relationship like that? Where you have to keep lying to your parents about the bruises you get. No. It's not right and it's certainly not what you deserve.

Find someone else. Someone who cares about you.

Wishing you the best.

xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2008):

LEAVE! NOW! ASAP! what happens if you fight again... and he does more than hurt you... leave him!

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