A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hiya everyone I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years now. He is 29 I am 30 the problem is he never spends any time with me. We live together and have a 1 yr old daughter but everytime we plan [something] he can never be bothered going or his family or friends want him to do something for them which he always ends up letting me down for. I've tried talking to him. Things change for a couple of weeks then there back to how they were again. Fed up of feeling like I'm a single parent. I work on a morning when I get home the house is a mess and I have to get the kids dressed, I'm so fed up, what do I do? thank you Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 August 2016):
 He changes for a couple of weeks to stop you from nagging, then he slips back in to his old ways because he chooses that life. He wants to be carefree and be around his family and friends. If this was me I would show him the door, tell him to get out and show him you mean business. Surely it is better than being with someone who treats you like this? He is not going to change.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (29 August 2016):
 Guess what, if he wont change then you have to. If he is incapable of maintaining the change required to be an effective partner and parent then you would be better off as a single parent.
We have had a few questions from young mums in the same position. You need to think about yourself and your future, look 20 years down the track, or 10 or 5 or even two years. Do you REALLY want to be feeling the same then as you do now?
I doubt it! It is already draining you of much of the joy of life. Your simple solution is to kick him out and don't let him back .... ever, and then get on with being the best parent you can!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (28 August 2016):
 Some "boyfriend". You'll probably find you are much happier when he is out of your life. (how izzit that these non-Father men get to act like such a$$e$????)...
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (28 August 2016):
 I'd choose BEING a single mom over this.
He isn't going to change, you might as well accept that right now. The whole "changing" for a few weeks" is him PLACATING you, so you won't kick him out.
You mention you two have a daughter, but you also mention other kids... so are they "your" kids or his?
If they are HIS and YOU are doing all the work with them AND your shared child, You are nothing but an glorified nanny he occasionally plays family with and has sex with.
If the house is his, find a place of your own that you can afford for you and you child(ren) if the house is yours tell him it's over and he needs to move out, give him 2 weeks if the "other" children aren't his, give him 30 days if they are.
You are going to end up resenting him for this, you already do ALL the stuff for and with the kids so really, what USE is he, if he can't pitch in?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (28 August 2016):
 I can understand it if he's the kind who feels that women belong in the house. Their job is to hold the fort down, keep the house clean and the children happy. They don't see wives as equals. They provide financial resources in return for a clean house to come home to, and to get sex in the evening. They have no interests in companionship with wives. At least if you marry him you sign up for this, knowing this is what you get.
Thing is you didn't get married. If things get back to where they were it means he doesn't want to do them. Which means you are not getting a fair deal. You don't have the title of a wife but you are fulfilling responsibility as mother and housekeeper yet you are not getting someone equal in value. He's being content with things as they are. I would call what he's doing as, getting the happy family experience once in a while, but being able to disappear to do his own thing as he wishes. While you are expecting the whole deal. Might as well be a real single parent so there's no one to let you down. If you want a shot at true love, you still have time. If you want to be single for a while that's good too. It doesn't sound like he loves you as much as you love him but it's convenient for him when you live together because when you separate, he has to pay child support and arrange visitations. Or you can say to yourself, fuck relationships if you can keep the peace in the house and find something else to be happy about without him.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (28 August 2016):
 If you're stuck in the same cycle of raising it with him then things temporarily change and then go back to the way they are then it may be time to break things off.
We all hope that a loved one will change their ways if there is a problem, but if they won't then there's not many alternatives than to find someone else who doesn't give you that kind of agro.
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