A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi Dear Cupid! I have been dating this wonderful guy for about 8 months now and I am worried about one thing . . . . he doesn't respect my religious beliefs. He says he's not an atheist, but he also says he doesn't really believe in anything. I have respected this and have NEVER shoved my beliefs down his throat. The only time I talk about my religion with him is if I read something amazing about it and just want to share it with someone - but still I don't shove anything down his throat in hopes he'll believe. BTW I am a born and raised Christian. I'm very strong about my faith but am not a Christian that forces my beliefs down other's throats. As for him, he always shows me atheist posts hoping that I'll find them funny . . . then wonders why I don't. We sometimes get into arguments about religious acts by other people. For example, he criticizes people for talking and preaching their faith out in the open - or spending money on promoting faith to give others hope when in his opinion, the money could be used for something better. In the end, he kind of makes me feel that I'm stupid for believing what I believe in. I respect his beliefs and always listen to what he has to say about his. I just wish he'd do the same for me without being judgemental or making me feel stupid. We are completely in love with each other and this seems to be the only thing we disagree about. I'm just worried that if one day we decide to get married and have children - he won't want them to be raised as Christian's. He knows my opinion on that - I want my kids to be raised Christian, but later in life if they decide to take a different path that's okay. I don't know what to do. Please help!
View related questions:
atheist, christian, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (4 May 2016):
 It seems to me you should listen to what God is telling you. Don’t listen to us. Don’t listen to your ministers. Make a deal with your beloved that he won’t mock your beliefs and you won’t involve him in yours. If he continues then it’s an end.
Religion seems to cause so much trouble in the world - Catholic against Protestant, Shia against Suuni. And it’s all down to someone else's interpretation of what God wants. Listen to His voice in you.
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (3 May 2016):
 Maybe love conquers all but like opposing political views, his lack of respect for your religion will come back to bite you in the backside sometime down the line. I always say that politics and religion are two rather touchy subjects and if you date someone with a differing belief system to your own its not so bad unless 1) You two become serious or 2) That person is openly disrespectful towards yours. I really don't know but personally, to me, that would be and in fact is one of my deal breakers but I mean if you can overcome this hurdle and by God everything turns out good, then big ups to you. If not, I hope you can manage to slap yourself as if to say "I told you so" on behalf of myself. Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 May 2016):
 I wish I could be as optimistic as Denizen, but I am not because I have seen many times love NOT conquering it all. But my perplexity is, assuming that love could conquer it all, ..it also SHOULD ? At expense of your most sacred values and moral integrity ?
What I mean is, you are a Christian, and very strong about your faith. You are not a Christian only in name , you are a firm believer, to the point that your bf's comments sting you enough to write us about them . While maybe other more lukewarm Christians would just shrug them off, or dispose of them of with a " we can't all think alike ".
It hurts you, or it irks you, that he can't see things your way , or does not give some things the same importance that you do, because you are a sincere, fervent Christian, and not somebody who just goes with the flow, and goes to Church out of habit , or to not displease her parents, or not have people gossip in a Christian milieu.
Good. Then you will also will want to live as Christian, I suppose ? You will want to act as a Christian and witness with your life and actions your faith. You will want to talk the talk and walk the walk.
... How that would be possible if you marry an atheist ? who presumably will not want HIS kids to be raised in a faith he does not believe praying in a God that to him does not exist ?...
Even assuming ( which is far from certain, it would semm ) that your bf is one of those easygoing atheists who think : hey as long as you don't bother ME; tell the children whatevere you want and bring them to any Church you want ( which, again, is not warranted, because no atheist or agnostic with a bit of moral backbone wants his kids to be raised believing into things that to him are like fairytales, only with much more dangerous, dramatic social consequences... ) also assuming that he leaves all to you the spiritual angle , well, as a Christian aren't you supposed to marry in view of founding a Christian FAMILY ?
Based on shared Christian values ?
And to choose a partner not just because he is nice or fun or a cool guy, but because he can be your valid helpmate and companion along your Christian lifepath ?
....How are you gonna witness your Christian faith by saying " Oh I am so Christian ... that I married an atheist " ?
I am not tryng to be polemical and confrontational, just tryng to understand.
Personally I am not Christian, I do respect Christians and followers of any faith, but I am always a bit surprised how people tend to be " strong in their faith " and staunch and militant and all that- whether they be Christians, or Communists, or supporters of a foootball club, .. just as long as they do not have to change a iota in their personal plans and lifestyle nor to make any personal sacrifice for their faith.
...............................
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (3 May 2016):
I would remind two previous posters of your final sentence: "We are completely in love with each other and this seems to be the only thing we disagree about."
Just remember - love conquers all. Whether you go to church or not; whether you are of the same faith, skin colour, or sex, if you love each other truly you will find a way. Others have done it - so why not you two?
...............................
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (2 May 2016):
 He is not ever going to listen, respect your beliefs or perhaps be the father of your children. Presently you’re unevenly yoked, dating a non-believer, whom shows contempt for people of the faith.
Since you are in the dating phase this is where you are meant to find out whether that other person is compatible, worthy and or shows potential. Nothing is written in stone here, (except the 10 commandments).
It might be best to find someone other than an atheist/agnostic if you want a blessed marriage and for your children to have good Christian values etc. The foundation of this union is like building on sand, it will always be sinking – troubled.
If he makes you feel stupid for believing…, you must try and read more of the Good News, put on your spiritual Armour; be prepared for those who test us, and face those who undermine your faith with gentle words of wisdom to confront their criticisms.
AMEN – CAA
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 May 2016):
 If you want your children to be raised Christian and want to be married to an atheist/agnostic then you are in for a lot of issues and problems.
"mommy is daddy going to hell when he dies because he does not believe in Jesus?"
"mommy why doesn't daddy go to church and I have to???"
I was raised Jewish. I do not practice. I am married to a man who is agnostic and also, believe it or not, an anti-Semite.
I would NEVER have children with someone who did not at minimum SUPPORT my beliefs.
IF he can't at this point in your relationship at least respect your beliefs, then later on with marriage etc it will only get worse.
consider that he's not a compatible life partner and consider meeting someone at church to find someone who feels the way you do about religion.
...............................
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (2 May 2016):
You have to agree to disagree. Put a ban on all religious discussion in the home. You have a value system that is supported by your beliefs. You just have to remember that beliefs aren't real. So, while they are important to you in maintaining your life, to other people they might appear irrelevant. Just because you fervently believe something won't make it real to someone else.
If the possibility of marriage becomes real, then is the time to discuss raising any children. Perhaps they could decide for themselves at about the age confirmation normally takes place.
...............................
|
