A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,My name is Natalie. I am 19 years old and having some ridiculous boyfriend troubles. My boyfriend, Joe, of 8 months, knew my email password and I assume has been checking it often. Last night, he texted me freaking out about how he read an ecard that I sent to my ex boyfriend (who he's always had a problem with, even though we are ONLY friend!) So joe called me and freaked out saying that if I don't promise him to never talk to dino (my ex) again, he will break up with me. The ecard that I sent to dino just stated how I will never forget all the good memories we had, but I've moved on. I really don't know what to do. I've been crying ever since Joe called me... he was too. Joe made me give him my email, facebook, and myspace passwords to check up on me. I felt so terrible that I hurt him that I gave in and promised I wouldn't talk to dino ever again... even though i've been such close friends with him for over 3 years. Is joe a controlling boyfriend or did i mess up? I don't want to lose him. We are amazing together. But I don't understand how he can force me to stop talking to someone, if we are going to stay together. I don't want to lose the friendship I have with dino. Please help. Joe won't budge at all. How can I make him understand that dino and i are just friends and only ever will be friends. I truly want to be with joe forever... that's how i feel now. But I'm scared he will continue to make me stop talking to people. PLEASE HELP! Any advise would be great.
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female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (4 July 2007):
 Is he controlling?
Without a shadow of a doubt he is, he had absolutely no right at all to demand your passwords for anything they are personal to you.
You have not messed up at all, you have done nothing wrong, and it is good that you and your ex can remain friends, and he should not have a problem about that, i mean he checked your stuff and found something that you have said to him, if you had said to him 'the sex last night was amaxing', i would be able to see where he was coming from, but all you said was you will never forget the good memories but i've moved on.
One of my ex boyfriends from school is now married to my best mate and she, him and my husband can all totally except us spending time together because we all trust each other, it's past and we are present.
You are young and if he won't budge on this then he is not worth your time or energy, don't let anyone tell you what you can or can not do.
Take care.xx.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (4 July 2007):
 Yes, your boyfriend is controlling and should not be checking your email. On the other hand, you shouldn't be drooling over this old flame, telling him how wonderful he was and about the wonderful memories you have of him. Unfortunately, much of this depends on the context it was said in. It won't matter to your boyfriend though because he'll see no good reason for you to have said it. What you said may be true but some things are better left unsaid. What was the purpose of saying it?
Here's an example.....Your boyfriend buys you a new car and shows up at your house to surprise you. He's proud and worked hard for it. You say it's nice but Dino had a convertible and you loved driving around at the beach in the summer...it was great...I loved those summers...that car...etc.
You see if you had just met up with Dino and talked for a while, no problem. When you correspond intentionally though, telling him how wonderful things were between you two, it paints a picture in your current boyfriends mind. And so it should, what part of the conversation with your old boyfriend got you to the point that you felt the need to say that? It's not something you'd normally just blurt out.
So, while he has not right checking your stuff, you have given him reason to wonder about what he saw. After all, you did say it. If your feelings about Dino are so warm and fuzzy, I wouldn't want you to spend too much time with him either. Some things shouldn't be said. You said too much and got caught. I don't think you would have voluntarily told your boyfriend you emailed this guy and said the things you said. Of course not, it's easy to misunderstand.
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (4 July 2007):
 Hi, u went wrong sending the Ecard going on about the past.. you should always forget the 'memories' with ex's especialy not leave the proof for you boyfriend to read.. honestly.. i see where he is coming from, i would react maybe a tiny bit different but he feels you may still have feelings for ur ex.. which is normal.
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A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (4 July 2007):
 Hey hunni,
Having an ex as a mate can start all sorts of problems. I'm not saying you are in the wrong for being mates with your ex at all, just listen to what you boyfriend has to say on the issue with out judging him. Your boyfriend having your email password isn't the best idea int he world. I know it shows you trust him.
My sister when she start going out with her boyfriend HATED his relationship with his ex. They went out on the town and hung out and phoned each other and stuff. Now my sister and his ex are good friends. Might help his ex and my sister have babies about 10 months apart in age. I don't know what my sister did or her boyfriend did to sort the situation.
Maybe you should stop contact with your ex for a little while. Not because your boyfriend is blackmailing you to do it, but to sort things out with your boyfriend. Make him see that he's the one you want, not your ex.
He didn't MAKE you give your passwords hunni. You could of said no. I would change your passwrods as he has no right to check up on you if you are being faithful!
Your boyfriend is controlling you in a way that stops you being friends with someone you have been close to for 3 years. He needs to understand that blackmailing you isn't going to get him what he wants and he can't keep checking you email and other stuff! He needs to TRUST you. If he can't do that then the relationship is as good as dead.
I know you love your boyfriend but if he doesn't back down and compromise with you then this is never going to work as you will always give in to everything he says.
Hope this helps :)
xxxxxxxxx
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