A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, my problem is simple I need to know how to stay awake even when I'm really tired.My boyfriend has trouble sleeping and I really don't understand it because he says he can never sleep but by the time I wake up he's swaying back and forth and his eyes can barely stay open but he still refuses to sleep. Anyway, it leads to arguments because I sleep fine I can go to the toilet and go back to sleep in seconds while it would wake him up too much and he'd have to try for at least an hour to sleep again. He claimed a supportive girlfriend would stay awake with him everytime he can't sleep, and I've tried very hard, tried putting him to sleep with massages, etc. but my body always shuts down and the next morning he's always upset with me. I want to be a good girlfriend so can anyone tell me how to stay awake? It's not that I don't sleep enough as it is I almost always get at least 7-8 hours straight sleep a night. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (13 March 2013):
 So you should BOTH get no sleep and feel like crap? That is his solution?
I'm sorry he is being a dick about this. YES it IS annoying laying next to someone who has no problem sleeping, but that doesn't mean the solutions is for the both of you to be awake. That is just nuts.
He needs to go see a doctor if this is persistent.
A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (13 March 2013):
 This guy is being ridiculously selfish. I used to go out with a guy who had similar problems sleeping. He wasn't very nice and treated Me horrendously in many ways but he would never have asked me to stay awake to keep him company when he couldn't sleep. You need to let your boyfriend know how stupid and selfish his demand is. You also need to stand up for yourself and say no rather than trying to find ways to go along with what he wants.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 March 2013):
 "He claimed a supportive girlfriend would stay awake with him everytime he can't sleep"
He's wrong. A supportive boyfriend would let his girlfriend sleep and not make his problems somehow her problems.
You're being supportive, but he's being incredibly selfish and egocentric. One does not show love and support by somehow adopting the same problem the other has. If he was a drug addict would he say you should also become one, to show support?
You can easily twist this around, if he was a supportive boyfriend he'd go to sleep when you went to sleep...
He's being selfish, and you're being silly. He can't force himself to sleep if he truly does have insomnia. He needs to take action to help himself though. Making you stay awake will not help him going to sleep.. why would it? It seems a ridiculous solution. And then you again, you're being utterly silly. Why are you even trying to go along with this plan? What would it possibly gain you and him if you too were to become sleep deprived, which would affect your work/studies and complicate your life. Just because he told you so?! So if he tells you to jump off a cliff you'll do that too I suppose?
Start thinking with your own head instead of following him blindly. And send him to a doctor so he can start dealing with HIS problem, rather than pushing it on you.
And consider whether or not this man is actually a good boyfriend when he makes ridiculous claims like this.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2013): He needs to go see a sleep specialist if this is a major problem.
I'm similar enough though to him. If I wake up for any reason my mind goes into overdrive and it can take ages to get back to sleep. My fiancée is like you, gone as soon as her head hits the pillow and you could play drums in the same room and she'd sleep through it.
The whole idea of you having to stay awake too is fucking ridiculous though. I'm suffering so you have to too because that's being supportive, that's bullshit. I guess if he's sick he wants to make you sick too to be supportive?
OP this is his issue, he cannot drag you into it. If it's a matter of his brain kicking into gear when he wakes and not allowing him to sleep then he needs to learn to meditate and empty his mind. I focus on a black circle with a white outline image in my head. I allow no other thoughts in, just that image after about 5 to 10 minutes I'm back to sleep again.
This is his issue he needs to sort it and you shouldn't be forced to suffer too, how about him not wanting to heap misery on you and protecting you from this? Where's his support then? You're not his mother OP, you shouldn't have to stay awake to read him a bed time story because he can't sleep, he's a grown man with a problem he needs to deal with, not drag you down too.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 March 2013):
 He’s wrong. I guess I would attempt to turn the tables on him this way:
A “good” girlfriend, is healthy and well rested to care for him. Staying awake to please him is detrimental to your health both physical and mental. A “good” boyfriend would want you to be healthy, happy and whole. Staying awake is not going to do those things. Wanting you to stay up with him is immature, selfish and inconsiderate not to mention unhealthy.
There is NO NEED for you to stay awake to please him. HE NEEDS TO SLEEP TO PLEASE YOU. See the way his request looks when it’s flipped? Selfish, childish, immature, inconsiderate.
In our house, we have very weird sleep patterns. I like to be asleep by 9:30 pm most nights and up by 6 am. Hubby likes to nap till 9:30 then go to sleep around 3 am then get up around 6:45… we manage. I wake up when he comes to bed… kiss him and roll over an go back to sleep. On weekends.. he sleeps most of the day. I hate it but it’s his body needing that sleep so I respect it.
If your boyfriend can’t respect your bodily needs, then he’s not being supportive of you. One way to 'shake him up" would be to say:
"you know, you are right, you need a girlfriend who is more "supportive" of your inability to sleep, therefore maybe it would be best if you and I part ways so you can find a girl that can stay up with you."
Not that you are saying you would leave him, but you are giving him the option to go to find someone "more compatible" with him. If he accepts the offer, well then that tells you really how little you mean to him. IF he balks at the offer, then you can go into the whole, we don't have to be the same to be together, and you wanting me to stay awake with you, is inconsiderate and cruel.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 March 2013):
 But what does he DO about his insomnia, other than pestering you and tryng to guilt trip you for not having his same problem ?
Did he see his doctor ? Has he been checked to find out if it comes from a neurological condition, or a biochemical imbalance ( lack of some minerals in your body may give you imnomnia ) or a psychological problem ? Is he stressed out, and if yes , which are his stress management techniques ? Has he adopted a healthy lifestyle ? ( junk food , too much alcohol and cigarettes are all enemies of a good night's sleep ) ? Is he getting tired ENOUGH, does he practice any sport, or anything physical... ? ( also vegging out all day in front of a PC does not do wonders for healthy sleep patterns )Has he tried natural remedies, melatonin etc. ?
And so on and so forth, in conclusion, is he doing anything to take care of his problem , other than whining about it and trying to make it YOUR problem ?
No ? Then advise him all of the above, AND tell him to grow up, and real fast. He's not a fussy baby and you are not his doting mom that has to rock him to sleep.
It's not you that need to stay awake, it's him that needs to act adult !
...............................
A
female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts  +, writes (12 March 2013):
 That's very over the top of him to expect that you should stay awake when he can't sleep. Sure you might do it a few times because you love him, but this behaviour isn't sustainable. Likewise, if he loves you he'll let you at least get a good nights rest regularly so that you're still functional and healthy. If he expects you to pander to his needs all the time, then he is being selfish. If he doesn't like being woken up because of you getting up and moving about, then separate rooms is ideal.The solution isn't to get ideas that will allow you to stay up all night with him. The solution is to get him to see a doctor about his condition. There could be a number of reasons why he can't sleep properly. Maybe he isn't breathing properly and needs a ventilator. Maybe temperature is really important for him to get comfortable. Could be anything but you won't know unless you see a specialist.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (12 March 2013):
 He is being very childish, very selfish and downright stupid to be honest. Just because he has a crap nights sleep it doesnt mean that everyone else should suffer too, he needs to grow up and deal with his own problems.
You are being very supportive already, you have tried everything to help him but obviously he has a serious issue with sleep that only a doctor or psychologist could help with.
Sit down and talk to him about this, tell him that he is being selfish and he cannot expect you to suffer just because he is incapable of sorting out his own problems. Tell him he needs to see a doctor about his problem and get it sorted, it is not your place to sort out his health problems.
...............................
|
