A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My son, Carl, is 17, and told me a few days ago he had a confession; he'd slept with a male prostitute a year ago (in February), not long after his birthday.He admitted he'd paid the guy $250 (well, technically it was two payments of $125, per session), I asked him where he got the cash from, he said it was the cash he'd won in a school competition. We knew he'd won $250 around Christmas 2019 as a prize but expected him to at least use it reasonably.Carl told me how he'd met the guy, not online, but via some adverts on a card he'd seen in a gas station advertising this male prostitute. He said he thought the guy was hot, looked like a version of Chris Pine with a beard, said the guy looked hot in his underwear and they'd met up for sex twice.They'd had sex in the guy's house, apparently, with the guy providing him with a huge pizza and some diet Coke.My son told me he didn't think that he was gay, but possibly bisexual; he enjoyed sex with the guy who was 29 and a male prostitute.I feel sick and angry, am I so wrong to think the whole thing is sick and wrong?My wife is furious, and says she's no issue with his sexuality, just him using a male prostitute. She says she should punish him but doesn't know what to do, and banning him from online would be counterproductive since he didn't meet him online.I can't say I was like him as a teenager, I wasn't; I was a rather quiet young man who preferred to spend time fixing cars with my dad, fixing his old Dodge pickup truck and doing DIY work, I had few friends and didn't get into drugs etc. like some teens. I considered my mom and dad and my cousin Jenny my closest friends really.I'm uncertain of whether to go to the cops about this, even though the age of consent in our state for relationships is 16 (here in Michigan), it may be legal but equally, isn't this behavior disturbing?We've had the talk on Internet safety so thankfully that issue isn't in play here, but meeting someone via an advert in a gas station? Isn't that just as risky?Who's in the wrong here - my son, or both of them?I want the best for my son, when he's 18 in November he'll be a full adult and I can't really stop him from this sort of thing.Am I so wrong to worry about my son like this or are my worries not that wrong?What should me and my wife do?I really don't want to get angry with my son, not in a physical way, but I don't want to be the dad who's angry because my son is gay or bi.I've no issue with the sexuality, just the use of a male prostitute and going to the guy's house twice?Surely this contradicts logic about never going to someone's house on a first date; me and Maria (my wife) met up in front of a burger bar when I was working in Maryland (her home state) - I was a transplant from California back then, and I didn't go to her house until our eighth date.I really need some advice and help from everyone here, and thank you for reading.Names changed for privacy
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2021): Two things I would recommend:
1) Get him into therapy. Not to make him straight, but to keep sure he is doing okay with his mental health since gays and bisexual teens have high suicide rate.
2) Get him to a doctor to get him tested for STDs.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2021): You could pursue legal charges; but it's unlikely you'll ever find the guy, or if your son will ever divulge where he lives. Have your son tested. If he's forthcoming, get some information about the prostitute; and see if law enforcement can find him. If he had a picture and an ad; it's likely still on file in local ads, or those free circulars that post hookup ads.
The guy is likely still in business; and your son is smart enough to skew all the details and make finding him impossible. I don't believe he found him on some card, I would believe he found him online. Check his search history back to last year and more recently.
Please remain calm and composed on the surface, If you show panic or rage; your son will withhold information that might be useful. He still could be in-touch with the guy; but pressuring or threatening him will only make him clam-up. He obviously wouldn't want to do the guy any harm; but the guy solicited an underaged-boy, and he should face legal charges. Of course, it would be difficult to prove; if all you have is what your son confessed a year later. There is no statute of limitation on this kind of crime. There may be phone records and messages to prove he was in-touch; but a good lawyer would advise you much better than we can.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2021): Just when you think you have seen it all your kids throw you a zinger.Wow.What I would do....does your son still have the same computer??If so take it to a computer guy and find out who this adult person is who sexually assaulted your minor child.Then you press charges on this person and go to every court date.This person is an adult.You want to punish your son for being the victim?No!!!You must stop this pervert before he does this to another child.You should be mad but not at your son.Get him some therapy to help him get over this assault.Love him hug him support him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 May 2021):
 Yikes!
I can see why he did it, but that doesn't REALLy make it better.
He wanted to explore his sexuality in private (without his friends and peers knowing) and he did. With a prostitute.
What would I do as a parent? Well, firstly I would take him to the doctor and have an STD/STI panel done (and another in 6 months time if the doc recommends that)
He could have hooked up with someone from school. He could have gone online and gotten into WAY more dangerous situations.
He might NOT think it's THAT big of a deal, but he knows you and your wife does because he waited a YEAR to tell you.
He was 16 when this happened. So while he CAN consent I don't believe there is anything against the law for him to have had sex with a 29-year-old. However, HE can also be LEGALLY punished for "buying sex". This is why I'm not sure I would take this to the police.
"Prostitution and solicitation are charged as a misdemeanor in Michigan. For a first-time offense, the penalties for prostitution or solicitation include: Up to 93 days in jail; and. A possible fine of up to $500."
The guy he "rented" might get off scot-free. Many prosecutors will NOT prosecute consensual "sexual transactions". (even if the law says otherwise) Simply to try and combat trafficking.
(In Michigan, the criminal penalty for prostitution ranges from a misdemeanor, which is punishable by up to 93 days in jail and a $500 fine, to a felony, punishable by up to two years in prison and/or a $2,000 fine.)
Is your SON OK with what he did? If not, then I might consider talking to the police.
Is his behavior disturbing? Yeah, I think it's to a point. Because he was ONLY 16 and thought BUYING sex is OK. He could have gone on Tindr and hooked up for free.
Would I be concerned if it was one of my kids? YES!
I think my gut reaction would be to have LOT of "freedom" taken away for a while, but I would ALSO talk to him about WHY he chose this route and what HE thinks should be the consequence of this. Punishing him will do little NOW. It's been a year. I would ASK him what HE thinks you two should do about it. Without a doubt.
He obviously trusts you and your wife.
TALK to your wife, then YOU (perhaps) talk to him alone first.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (14 May 2021):
 I think it is a great shame that, despite your son trusting you sufficiently to open up about what he has done, your reaction is one of anger and a wish to punish him. Take a deep breath and think this through calmly. I am hoping it is just concern about your son's wellbeing which is driving these feelings of anger.
While it is not what you wished for your son's first sexual encounter (I am assuming it was his first), it is done now and nothing can undo it. Rather than having this yearning to punish someone who is effectively an adult, why not sit down with him and discuss why he did what he did, why you are worried for him and any concerns you, your wife and your son may have. He didn't confess his experience to you for you to punish him; you need to find out exactly WHY he felt the need to tell you. Perhaps he is worried or confused about his sexuality? Perhaps he is worried he may have caught an STD? (A check up is a good idea.) Perhaps he has other worries? You will never know without asking him, calmly and lovingly.
I understand you are upset with him, especially given his blatant disregard for his physical and sexual safety. However, nothing is going to be fixed by punishing him. I think you also should consider that he can leave home shortly and, if you alienate him by punishing him or being angry with him, he may never trust you sufficiently again in the future to open up about something which worries him. You sound like very loving parents and I am sure that is not what you want for him. All you can do it try to teach him how to keep himself safe and also remember that we live in a very different world to the one in which you and your wife grew up. Your son has to make his own way in life and make his own choices. You have to hope they will be good choices but, good or not so good, he will hopefully learn lessons from them which will serve him in later life.
Be kind. Your son needs you now more than ever.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (14 May 2021):
You should contact the police to discuss this. Just because the age of consent is 16 in your state does not mean that no crime has been committed. For example, the age of consent is 16 in the UK but it is still illegal for a sex worker to accept payment for sex from somebody who is under the age of 18. And I doubt that it's legal in your state too.
And I think the best way to punish your son will be to stop or reduce his financial allowance for a while. Say that you're doing this because he has shown that he can't be trusted to spend large amounts of money wisely and that you will manage his money until he can.
Sounds like a strange rent-boy though. Most sex workers would expect the client to pay for the pizza and coke as well as the sex.
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