A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello and thanks!So my fiancee and I have been together for 4 years. He expects that I help his mom monthly. She is always needing something. bill's, food, clothes this that. I seen a recent picture of her with nice gold earrings and a thick gold chain. I don't even buy myself that. Also, I don't feel like it's my problem that I should be helping I don't mean to sound rude but she decided to retire at 45 and has 5 other children that can help sometimes. MY fiancee does not work much and I don't like this burden being put on me. Which I have told him but he has issues understanding. Also if we did get married I would want this to stop. That's a big IF. My fiancee is not from USA and in his culture their expected to take care of there parents. I would think sending 300.00 every month to a developing country is alot of money yet its never enough. Any suggestions?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2021): Hi and thanks!
I'm the OP. I agree with you all something is fishy. To the anonymous female you're absolutely right. Infact, he wrote me this lovely text saying how much he adores me and loves me, then 2 hours later he asked if I could help financially. It made my stomach turn. So basically I'm their bank.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2021): 300 dollars in Indian money for example, is 21000 rupees..which is enough for a 1 bhk rent and food for the month in an average Indian town.
Gold chain might be a traditional marital ornament or a gold covered one..that doesn't necessarily mean she is rich. But the amount you stated is a bit too high for "help". It's ok if he were sending it..but making you send your money sounds fishy to me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2021): I would also like to add that he does not want to understand you because he feels entitled to your money.
In his mind he will think what is his is his but also what is your is his, it will be that kind of mentality and that he is entitled to your money.
He then sends it to his mother so that he gains her approval, he is being a good boy for her, keeping her happy.
They are narcissistic and will not think about how you feel or how it affects you.
Stand up to him, refuse to give him the monthly amount or anything for that matter and then come back and tell us what happened and then you will have your answer.
And just be careful as he could become nasty.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2021): Seriously?!! Did you need to come to this site to figure-out this guy is playing you, and suckering you for all you're worth?
You are the victim of a scam, and you know it!!!
You are are a victim of some make-believe romance concocted over the internet. The length of time you've allowed it to go-on doesn't legitimize it one bit!!!
END IT NOW!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2021): I have been through something very similar.
I would advise you to get out off this now before you have nothing yourself and feel very used and depressed.
He is using you to support her and gain her approval.
I had this done to me, and now I am divorcing my husband, I supported him in my country and his mother in her country.
And they did not like me having anything for myself.
If he is Muslim like my husband then he is supposed to provide for his wife and anything that you earn is yours to do as you please.
Please take note of what I am telling you before you end up with nothing and they have everything.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 May 2021):
 Definitely a scam.
And IF it's not... Then he will PRESUME if you do it now, you wILL do it after marriage. Do you want to be the ATM for his family? The breadwinner?
Why isn't HE working and taking care of his mom? That isn't YOUR obligation AT ALL!
Why haven't you told him:" NO, I don't want that burden put on me"?
Where does he live? With you? Or in his home country?
Are you LDR?
I think you are making a big mistake to get engaged to someone whose culture is so "alien" from your own. For one. And secondly, to even CONSIDERING sending money to his mom.
If his mom needs financial help - THAT is on him. And on her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2021): Sorry hes abusing/scamming you. It's not your responsibility to be paying for his parents/family. They need to look after themselves. They are adults. You have your own bills to pay. Stop sending money immediately. If your boyf leaves you he doesnt love you. If he wants to send them gifts he can get a job and send them his money, Not yours. Ditch this leach and move on. Hes probably only marrying you for the visa. Sorry
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (14 May 2021):
 You are being scammed. Walk away. You can do better. And no, his mother is definitely not your responsibility. If HE wants to send her money, then HE can earn it, not expect someone else to give it him. He doesn't have issues UNDERSTANDING; he has issues ACCEPTING. Those are two very different things.
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