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anonymous
writes:Yesterday, my 17 year old daughter told me she is bi-sexual. I have noticed for a couple of months that she has been very distant from everyone except me.I asked her to tell me what was wrong and she eventually told me. I am very proud of the way I reacted as I did not shout or anything but told her I would love her always and forever, whatever her sexual choice in life is.However I am absolutely devastated and am trying so hard not to cry all the time. She told my other daughter 5 months ago and she is yet to tell my husband.I just dont know how to cope with this. Her best male friend is gay and when she told him he asked her if she just wanted to be like him.I am so confused. What advice can I get? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (16 June 2015):
Anon, what a great answer to your daughter. A grade parenting right there.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2015): My 25 year old daughter told me she had a date with a girl and asked am I mad.I told her I just hope she brings home better girls than her brother has in the past.Then she smiled and gave me a hug.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2015): Hi, I'm also 17 and I came out to my parents as Bi Sexual. It shocked them, they told me that it was just a phase. NEVER I repeat NEVER invalidate your childs feelings.
after a while, they accepted it. They get uncomfortable when I talk about girls being attractive, but they never say anything rude.
Honestly, by coming on this site, you're taking the right steps to help your child. It'll take time, but one day, maybe tomorrow or maybe in a year you will no longer be phased by it.
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reader, Xearo +, writes (21 May 2015):
My best advice would be to always support your children. IF she said she wasn't bi, she would have said something else or something else would have happened in her life. Your children will always be faced with new challenges. Many mistakes are made and many choices are made that are never fond with their parents. Every child I know, has had some major problems to face in their life. From teen boys admitting that they are gay, to mature teenagers being diagnosed with life terminal illnesses. They face so much really, all you can do is to, support them.
It might help you to speak out your reasons on why you are disappointed/devastated on your reply to this thread. Maybe you can come to terms with the reality your daughter will have to face for the rest of her life as well. This might alleviate some of the devastation you are experiencing. Hopefully, you will not see that this is the end of things to come.
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reader, maverick494 +, writes (20 May 2015):
Sorry, I made a typo and I can't correct my previous post: I meant here's another basic truth: being bi doesn't suddenly make one promiscuous or incapable of having a monogamous relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2015): She is 17 it might all change between now and 27.
Keep your cool.
We are not the same people now as we were at late teens correct?
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reader, maverick494 +, writes (20 May 2015):
Good job on telling her you love her no matter what. That is probably the best and most important thing you could tell her. This is a turbulent time in her life right now and she'll be fine as long as she has unwavering support and loyalty from the people close to her, which includes you. Great that you're giving it to her.
Now, as to how to move forward. I can understand that her sexuality might be upsetting to you. I was raised in a very conservative household, so I used to not be able to wrap my mind around homosexuality and other sexualities.
But the truth is -and I wish I'd realized this much, much earlier- it's just love. It's exactly the same. The only difference is that the dating pool is now a little bit bigger for her. She may end up with a woman, or a man. If she ends up with a man, that doesn't mean she's not bisexual anymore, it just means she fell in love with a man. If she ends up with a woman, it doesn't make her gay; it still means she's bisexual.
I'm explaining this because bisexuality has been misunderstood by many people and there are many misconceptions floating around. So here's another basic truth to dispel: being bi doesn't suddenly make one promiscuous or incapable of having a monogamous relationship. She's just like any other person you know. She's still the same person you raised.
But sure, allow yourself to be upset for a bit, just not for too long. Because honestly, it's not something you should be upset about. It's love. That's all it is. Being able to love people. The rest is just details.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2015): You handled it fine. Outstanding in fact. She's only seventeen and just becoming aware of her sexuality. There is nothing really to fret. Truthfully, it's still all up in the air this early in her psychological-development.
Stop trying to see things in your mind; and you'll handle it internally as well as you handled it externally. What upsets most straight people about homosexuality, is trying to visualize what gay people do. Don't dwell on that. It's grossly intrusive. If you're not gay, you don't have to worry about it.
You also have to remind yourself she doesn't need your acceptance or your approval of her own sexual-orientation.
Teens come-up with all sorts of ideas in their heads and a change or shift can come-about at any time. It is unlikely this is a phase; but she's still too young to be that certain. She may be lesbian, and not bi-sexual at all. Gay people first coming out often say they are bisexual; giving their parents hope they can still love someone of the opposite sex, and have children. Be prepared to stand behind what you've said, be that the case.
She hasn't changed. She just shared something about herself that you didn't know. She is still your daughter and your tears won't change the truth; and your sadness is unnecessary. She is not her sexuality, she is still your daughter, your baby-girl, a person; with feelings and a soul. Not some freak or sinful monster that you've been taught to believe all your life. Now you see it up close and can judge with your heart, not through prejudice and all the cruel and homophobic rhetoric you've heard all your life. Your daughter hasn't grown horns and a tail.
The best way to move forward, is with love.
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reader, YouWish +, writes (20 May 2015):
 First of all, you did great. You were a wonderful mother in putting the love and support of your daughter first in your response.
Second of all, go ahead, in your private time, and have your cry. But it is not the end of the world. At age 17, her sexuality is fluid, not set in stone, and her being bisexual doesn't mean she's going to go off and have sex with everything on two legs. It just means like Honeypie said that she feels attraction to men and women. With you as her example, I have no doubt that she will lead a good, successful life and make you proud and happy that she is your daughter.
She has a gay friend, and there may be traits in him she admires. I would have cautioned her not to put on a label as young as she is because a sexual journey as a teenager has many revelations, twists, turns, awakenings, and evolutions.
Just trust in time and maturity. She may fall in love with a woman. She may fall in love with a man. She may never fall in love at all. Just show acceptance in her as you have done, and don't freak out. Time will change both of you. I know my husband's mom and dad flipped out like crazy when his brother came out and told them he was gay. It took quite a number of years for them to come to terms with it, but they are closer than ever before, and he is a good person who would make any parent proud.
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reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (20 May 2015):
 I wouldnt take her seriously. Kids at that age are often only experimental. Within the last year if anything emotionally significant happen in her life? That can always cause a few things including sexual experimentation as a way to get away from pain n reality.
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reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 May 2015):
 Being bisexual just means she CAN be SEXUALLY attracted to BOTH genders, doesn't mean she will ONLY date women. It might be a mix of both at some time. I don't think she is copying her gay male friend. It doesn't mean she will all of a sudden BE someone else, or be sexually promiscuous.
I know a few bisexual people who ended up marrying and having kids, leading average lives.
Just keep loving her for who she is, your daughter. Whom she likes to share her bed with is not important.
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