A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A lot of help needed on this.Ok so I'm in a relationship with this girl who I will call X. Well X is quite young 18 to be precise. Now X and I have been dating for around 9 months, where she's known me and helped my out through my ex and was always there. Now we both have troubled past, hers consisting being beated by her ex when she tried to leave till she got the police involved, and mine being cheated on. Ok we've put that aside but she doesn't believe me at times that I love her now how can I prove this to her, I want to be romantic I say how I feel all the time she's the best thing that has happened to me.Ok another thing we've been dating for 9 months but not have had sex due to past issues again is this normal? I feel like if we have sex it'll bring up the past she's a virgin. I'm not to such content (being raped) am I avoiding having sex due to my past? Do girls really care about us? We love each others company and we have done other things apart from size, and I love her to pieces but honestly if we have sex I wouldn't know if I was any good..due to no experience I'm 21 myself which is quite bad to have no experience I just rather only do it with somebody I love like I do her. And one more thing as I will pop the question in August when it's her birthday (don't worry I am getting her a gift + the ring I'm not cheap!!) That'll make her believe I love her right? And as I seen this as a long time thing she has quite big boobs (36E british) If I was to suggest a boob reduction due to backproblems in later lfe, will she see this as me not liking the size as she's very insecure about her looks? I'm just thinking of her best interest.I'm sorry for the long read ladies and gentlemen, but I love this girl to pieces and I have no family or serious friends to talk to about this kinda thing to.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2012): Before me and my boyfriend started dating he didnt even believe I liked him. You are much older than I, so maybe you could tweak these ideas i used? I would leave notes in his locker inviting him to sit with me at lunch, telling him I liked him, ect. I would look at him more often, simple stuff like that. It grew to the point where he was waiting for me on our way to classes and after school. We would spend more time together after school and late nights on weekends. He finally asked me out and I (obviously) agreed. But I am a very shy person, and even tho I did that stuff, had a hard time showing it..as much as i did and do truely love him. On the sex part, it's ok. It's nothing to rush, especially despite both of your pasts. And for her to not be all for it is normal. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 3 months and just had our first kiss. (today, actually!) So don't worry about it. Good luck! ;)
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (20 January 2012):
 Nothing wrong in getting turned on by the fact that your GF is turned on by you. Dressed or not. Most people don't need to "see" a naked body to get turned on.
As for being good or bad with sex, well practise makes perfect.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk thanks for the input, yeah we've forgot about the past I was just stating how we met, maybe should of made that a bit clearer.
Yeah it's not that I don't want to it's because I know it'll bring up the past for me, I've been to therapy I'm not worried that if i be good or bad, I mentioned what if I am bad, she said well we will have to keep practising.
It's not that we have issues it's perfect it's just I need to show her prove it that I'm not going to hurt her. I've asked why she feels this way and how I can do it because I would go to the end of the world to prove I love this girl, but she's really secretative as it's how she is, so I don't expect an answer, I just find myself trying to prove that I love her everyday, which I like doing because she means that much to me.
Ok I won't it's just I know a few people who have had trouble due to them being quite large, I mean she's a small girl in weight her boobs pretty much carry her whole weight (7stone) she has a phobia of food. So I was just trying to think of her best interests but I won't say anything but I'll support her through anything :).
Also a strange erm statement, but I sent her a normal picture and she said she got turned on (wet) by looking at it, not a little bet but a lot. She felt embarrassed I tried to explain it's because she's attracted a lot to me. It's not strange right, or is because I kind of find it hot that she does?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 January 2012):
OK, first off..
You two need to let the past be in the past. She is not YOUR ex and YOU are not her ex.
This is now, the ex's are in the past, let them stay there and their actions.
Next time she mention that she doesn't believe you love her, ask her why and ask her HOW you can best show her.
9 months of dating and no sex, I would venture isn't entirely common, but not totally unheard of. Both of you are having issues from the past still lurking around so taking it slow in that department may not be a bad idea.
And yes trauma such as rape can definitely makes taking the "plunge" to a sex life. I would suggest you talk to a rape counselor. As far as having no experience, a guy can have had sex with 20 women and still not know what to do and same thing goes for a woman. So that is not something to fret about for sure. As for size, most women that I know, don't care for the size, it's about the person that penis is attached to that matters.
I think before you propose to her you two find a counselor and deal with the issues you both have going on, together or separately. Don't start the path to marriage if you have trouble no making it all work.
Do NOT suggest she get her boobs fixed. If she brings up back pains or wanting to get them fixed, then you can support her all you want. Not all women with bigger boobs have back problems later in life. Wanting to ALTER her is not YOUR choice and I could imagine it would make her feel even worse about herself.
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