Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Voodoo77  +, writes (12 February 2013):
I can only tell you my situation. I have been married almost 15 years and my wife only worked 1 year out of the whole time we have been married. I don't even ask her to get a job anymore because it only leads to the fight. I can only say if she isn't willing to work now.....she never will.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (1 February 2013):
She is a leach. Get out while you still can and thank your personal God that you realized it early.
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male
reader, greg h +, writes (31 January 2013):
greg h is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2013): You need to show her that you are not going to put up with it and give her an ultimatum and if she still doesn't get a job then it is likely that she never will. And if she doesn't i would ask yourself if you really deserve this and whether you want to stay with someone like that.
Hope this helps.
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (29 January 2013):
What in the world was that?
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (29 January 2013):
 Hello Greg? Come in Greg....
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male
reader, greg h +, writes (29 January 2013):
greg h is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe has one kid ther all grown but is 18 i to have kid ther grown she wasn't a house a lot of thing she was working befor we got married just befor we got ther she wasn't I fell Ehud out for self she clean up the house we don't talk much our have sex I'm not felling I do love her I some times wonder if she has my back if something happens to me what's going to happen to use
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male
reader, greg h +, writes (29 January 2013):
greg h is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe has one kid ther all grown but is 18 i to have kid ther grown she wasn't a house a lot of thing she was working befor we got married just befor we got ther she wasn't I fell Ehud out for self she clean up the house we don't talk much our have sex I'm not felling itii
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 January 2013):
 Well I would need more info before I can advise you…
Do you make enough to support the home properly? Is she doing the bulk of the home care? Are there children at home?
Was she working when you got married? Did she get laid off or fired? Did she quit? Is she depressed?
Will she go for counseling to discuss it?
Point out to her that she has two choices:
You can work and be married
Or you can be single and then go find a job.
It’s really a no brainer if you need the income.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2013): This is hard for me to hear, considering I worked 60-70 hour work weeks for two decades without a reprieve. I worked tons of overtime until 8 or 9 at night and on weekends because my job dictated it. I gave up a lot for my job. I had no hobbies, I could not commit to any hobby class if I wanted because I never knew from day to day if I would be working late. I could never plan a weekend to go anywhere or have people over for a dinner because I may have to go in and work. That was my life. My husband and I had bills to pay and a mortgage. I did what needed to be done and everything else got shoved aside. Essentially, the job came first or we would starve. That wasn't an option with me.Now, I realize the economy in the US sucks right now. I'm from the US. People are getting laid off every month in the thousands and other people have given up looking for a job.I think it is time to really have a good talk with her and decide what her skill level is at or if she needs to brush up on her skills then she should take some classes. If nothing else, there is Wal-Mart stockers or cashiers that are needed or people to flip burgers at a fast food place. Also, consider if she can do DayCare out of the home. I suggest drawing up a budget and letting her see where you paycheck is going and that you need her to hold up her end of the bargin in the marriage. I got laid off because of this economy. It was devastating to lose my health insurance and my paycheck. I'm bouncing back though and have started a small business. I had to live on Ramen noodles but you do what you have to do to survive.When she does get a job, make sure the household chores are a joint effort.Good luck!
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 January 2013):
 Should we Aunts and Uncles assume that you and she have discussed this matter prior to marrying? ... with you explaining that you thought that your marriage would include being a "two-paycheck" household? ... and that she entered in to that marriage in agreement with that? .... and that, following your marriage, she reneged on that agreement?
If all that applies... then you can and should seriously consider ending the marriage. IF you and she entered in to the marriage with only INFERENCES that things would remain the same as they had during your "courting" days... THEN, you need to have that "prior to marrying" discussion, now..... and see what you and she need to do to reconcile your differing viewpoints....
Good luck...
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female
reader, chinana  +, writes (29 January 2013):
 I will agree with the anonymous reader who said it could a cultural thing. In some non-western cultures its perfectly normal for the woman to stay at home, cook, clean and take care of the kids. And yes if she is doing these things it is considered a job so you cant complain and say she doesnt have one. In some parts of the world traditional male and female roles do exist and this makes life less complicated if you ask me. The man should provide for his family whilst the woman even though educated and if she wants can stay and take care of the home. If you still insist on the fact that she works maybe she could work from home so that she could make some extra income. Rather your approach should be figuring out a way she can make money even if she stays at home rather than divorcing her on the grounds that she wont get a job. In marriage you dont always have to get your way but find ways to compromise dont forget that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2013): Hi, some cultures it is expected that a man should support a woman. He is the bread winner. However with the cost living it is important these days for both partners to work. SO you decide whats the next step and also advise her that the burden is too much on you.
OUt of curiosity, if she cokking and cleaning? Do you come home to a hot meal, in that case she may feel she is contributing to the marriage.
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (29 January 2013):
If you're ready to divorce her over this and you've adequately expressed this to her and she STILL won't get a job then there isn't much else you can do.
What I might suggest if you haven't already done this, is to take away her access to money. Open a new bank account and put all of your money into it. Let her see what earning no money feels like!
I mean don't give her a penny. Of course you should tell her ahead of time so she doesn't get embarrassed when the card is declined. If she wants money she can get a job.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2013): She doesn't want a real marriage she just wants an Atm machine and that is how she is treating you. What you have here isn't a marriage it is one person taking advantage of the other. Don't allow this, don't be married to someone who's just using you and refuses to do her share.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2013): Yes you should leave her. She is blatantly using you for money expecting to mooch off you. Society makes it acceptable for a wife to make herself financially dependent on her husband and she is taking full advantage of that but I don't think its right that she gets to opt out of working life and expect you to pay for everything for her. She is being a freeloader. You should leave her as she is not pulling her weight so she is not being a life partner and has no intentions to be one. She just sees marriage as something to benefit her which is selfish. Or tell her that you feel you don't have to work too now that you're married! Turn the tables on her. Tell her you want to quit working so you shall and if she wants to eat and have a roof over her head she needs to get a job and pay for you too. How does she feel about that?
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