A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I NEED HELP! I have had a huge crush on one of my coworkers for years, he is also one of my best guy friends (we are both in our late 20s) he is a bit of a flirt with some of the girls we work (less hands-on than he is with me and just little comments usually) but im the only one who he spends time with outside of work. hes always tickeling me, slapping my bum, making little sexy comments from time to time BUT when were hanging out just the 2 of us he doesnt do any of that (unless were drunk) we have a lot in common and when were together were always laughing. I feel like hes into me, but then I am not sure because I feel maybe he flirts more w me because I flirt back and im confused why hes never acted that way when its just the 2 of us. then he does things like talking about how hot another girl is. I just want to make out and fool around with him, I dont have THAT kind of confidence to make a move because I cant read him anymore, its like whiplash ... some days I think he wants me and others I think im just kidding myself. I dont know if guys flirt with girls they arent into, I dont know if im reading into it too much, I have lots of guy friends and hes the only one I have ever felt this way for and the only one who is as flirty with me. HELP I need a mans POV before I drive myself nuts!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2012): hmmmm ... to "so very confused" I feel like maybe you didnt actually read what ive written, not looking for a relationship ... looking for a mans opinion on if the initially stated behaviour is indicative of him being into me, or if hes just flirting to flirt.
when he flirts w me now I second guess it & always think "he cant be into me like that, hes just a flirt" I would - at the very least - flirt differently with him if I knew I was turning him on as much as he turns me on. regardless if we ever become FWB.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 October 2012):
 do you have a shot at what? getting laid? sure..... he'll probably have FWB sex with you and I can promise that will wreck the friendship...
do you have a shot at a REAL romantic boyfriend girlfriend relationship with him... probably not. if he was interested in you that way you would have known it a long time ago...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2012): thanks for the guy insight :) thank you all for the replies. I wont make the 1st move and probably shouldn't but ughhhhh I want to soooo bad! :( I guess if his flirting really means he's into me than I can feel more comfortable flirting back even if it goes nowhere. Sounds silly but just knowing he WOULD fool around (even if he doesnt) would be enough. hmmmmm still want to grab him by the face and kiss him lol
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2012): FOr most guys, ANY woman is a sexual opportunity...especially at that age. He is probably doing it for an ego boost or to see where teh limits are. Most guys get turned on when there are limits, hence the reason why so many of these flirt-a-thons go bad when it's taken to the next level (kissing or sex). It's percieved as kind of a bad thing to many guys. Some guys don't care...they'll flirt for decades if they think they will some day get to have sex with a woman. Some will flirt forever and expect the woman to make the move because they are either a bit insecure, uncertain, fear rejection, don't want to cross that boundary or want to feel needed.Point is, if he has done this consistently and he does it mostly with you, he is most probably into you. If you want more, take it to the next level gently. Or have a little talk about it...depends on whether he and you are spontaneous types, or like to reason it out.Keep in mind tho, that there is a boundary here. Flirting can go on almost forever and it rarely goes wrong because boundaries are usually there...expressed or implied. Once you get physical, it kinda escalates and there is no turning back or turning it off without it going to a much higher plateau...like a relationship or marriage. Of course, it could progress into a FWB situation, but kep in mind your workplace responsibilities. My advice is don't sleep with coworkers.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2012): Ladies I thank you for your advice, given the information I have provided I can honestly see why youve all drawn the conclusion that you have and you're all right BUT there are reasons why for the past 6 years weve kept it to flirting that no longer apply. I'm almost 30 I understand the reprecussions of hooking up with a friend I work with. I'm not looking for moral guidance with this, if I had the opportunity to fool around with him I would take it. I know there are lots of women who disagree with this aND typically i'm not that kind of woman. Not looking to be judged here. Just looking for a MAN'S POV in the male mind and figure out if i have a shot or if (despite the recent change in circumstances) i'm in the friend zone or if he's into me. thank you all :)
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (14 October 2012):
 I might be wrong but perhaps the flirting, slapping thing IS his 'relationship' with you. Some men do this (yes and sometimes for years) and just get a thrill out of it without having to take things further.
You have played along, because you like him a lot, but I don't buy that you just want to fool around with him. Believe me, if he ever does fool around with you, it will get YOU hooked and HIM running in the other direction.
It's been 6 year!!! and he hasn't made a single genuine play for you?...not once said 'Hey lets take it further'??
I am sure he is a sweetie and nice and a great guy, but you are already giving him what he wants. A playful, flirty opportunity that gives his ego a boost, makes work a little less dull and something he never has to act upon...and he never will!!
If you really want to know if he wants to 'fool around' why not just ask him if that's all you want...seriously though I think you are the one who is foolin'...foolin' yourself that a casual thing will turn into more.
If you have sex with him, or a snog or a fumble...and he does a 180, what will you do then?
If I were you, I'd just enjoy what you have and let him make the moves, because it seldom works out when the girl takes the first step.
Good luck and let us know how it goes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2012): thank you for the advice :) I just wanted to clarify that hes not some kind of disrespectful perv, or maybe he is & were all a bunch of pervs who work together, regardless I dont want to paint him in the light of being some guy sexually harassing girls, cuz hes a sweetheart. Ive known him for 10 years & weve been friends the whole time. the flirting started about 6 years ago.
I also am not looking for a relationship, I just wouldnt mind making out with him atleast once & im not a girl who is into cheap flings by any means. Ive never felt this way about a guy friend before. I just wouldnt want to go in for a kiss if im gonna overstep my boundaries if hes just being playfully flirty to pass time.
I guess im hoping hes as into me as I am him, I know some women disagree with flings & guys who slap a girl on the ass & for most cases I would too but its different with him :(
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A
female
reader, KaileyLove  +, writes (14 October 2012):
 I may not be a man to give you this point of view... But I have the same exact situation. Except I don't like the guy.When we're at school, he'll slap by butt, poke, hug, tickle me, or even make rude sexual comments. Especially when people are around. But when we're in a store or at the mall, we just talk.Now, this situation may be different in a way that this guy is actually trying to get me in bed. But he does this to a lot of other girls too. He thinks I'm attractive, but he doesn't have feelings for me like that. He may say he does, but we both know he doesn't due to his actions. The reason why this guy does this while we're in school is to let everyone know I'm his prey. No one else can do this to me. But he will flirt with other girls in front of me, or mention how sexy she is.But, here are my two cents. Our situations aren't that different at all. But I will warn you. Do not get involved. I know it seems like he likes you because most attention is on you. But please please please, don't fall for it. He screams "player". And if he's anything like my guy, he'll use you for FWB.But, if you're so concerned, just ask for his feelings.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (14 October 2012):
 Yes, Yes, Yes.
Some men would flirt with a wooden clothes peg with a skirt on it. They don't want a relationship. They just flirt as a reflex action.
They cannot help themselves.
Some men are in their 90s and still chasing skirt and flirting. It is ingrained in some men.
A man who flirts a lot is usually testing the waters with EVERY girl he meets. They are all potentials to him. Though a really dedicated flirt may not be able to stay faithful to one for very long.
Because they enjoy the chase so much.
Plus it is a good idea to avoid relationships with co-workers. As such relationships can divide the co-workers and so often when the relationship fails everyone is hurt so much.
As far as this guy? His slapping etc behaviour is disrespectful. He is just testing the waters to see what he can get away with and has probably found that this is a successful technique to entrap the easier girls.
Fortunately it is not working with you. You have not yet succumbed to his disrespectful 'charms'. He is not behaving in a way that is suitable at work and if he tries it on the wrong girl he may find he is facing a sexual harassment change.
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