A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am looking for advice about a female friend I have fallen in love with. I am 52, divorced with one child, and in a live in relationship that is winding down. This woman is 47, married with one teen child. We have known each other for about 5 years, but I only started becoming interested in her romantically for about one year. We met at a gym we both belong to. She has a long history of extramarital affairs, some short, one years in length, and has at times had a couple going on at once. She claims her husband does not love her anymore and feels neglected. She lost a great deal of weight and looks great. We started becoming closer as friends about a year ago. Her child had a medical issue and I would check in with her every night to see how they were. She would tell me about her affairs and I started kidding with her about her and I having a friends with benefit relationship. Earlier this year she broke off a relationship with a guy who had a great job but was married and his wife found out. He told her he was going to leave but I guess he treated her like crap. She broke it off. I told her my opinion on him was biased because of how I felt about her. In January she texted me wanting to get together for lunch. I couldn't do it that day, but we did eventually do it. She also started sending me pix of her self in bra and panties and a couple of topless pics, with the text "anything for you". We started texting frequently, almost daily, sometimes for hours. Sometimes serious, sometimes not. My live in relationship has the same name. In one text she told me "so when youre fucking me and you yell out (name) how will I know who you mean?" I started complimenting her on how beautiful I though she was inside and out, and she told me I was saying that because we were friends and that I was the only one who saw her like that. She wished everyone can see her like that. I suspect there are definite self esteem issues. One night we sexted each other pretty graphically. About three months ago I noticed she started saying hello to another guy at the gym. I learned that she and he were having sex. but didnt think too much of it since she said they were not boyfriend and girlfriend. This guy is 14 years younger than her, never married with no kids. He had a rough childhood and had issues with substance abuse and crime which he has since thankfully beaten. Shortly after another guy caught her eye. She took off for a day to go on a motorcycle trip with him and went out a couple nights with him. He is 12 years younger. Most of her past affairs have been in same age range. About two months ago, she started talking more about the guy who is 14 years younger and how he broke down crying telling her about his life. You could tell she was eating it up. She has a very big heart and is active in church and homeless shelters. This guy has been going to church lately as well. On MOthers Day I sent her a text that made her cry and she reposted it anonymously on Facebook. She also noted that the other guy said something nice to her a few days before, but clearly focused on my text. SHe has a family wedding last month with her husband and was concerned about how she looked. I told her she looked amazing and bet her dinner that a certain number of people at the wedding would say as much. She agreed to the bet. The nigth of the wedding she sent me pics of herself and we texted most of the night. I asked her if she had danced yet, and she hadnt. I told her I wished that I was there so I could have even once dance with her. She told me I was probably the only one who thought htat way. I lost the best. The next day on FB she posted pics of er and her husband and noted that the guy 14 years younger had picked out the shoes that everyone loved. She then started posting XO on his FB page and posted a very romantic quote that she listed as being posted by her with him. I then texted her "wow" whats up and should I give up any hope of hooking up with her. She waited two hours to reply and said "sorry, i think we should just be friends" I then proceeded to open up about how strionglt I felt about her She told me that she felt bad, didnt mean to hurt me and was surprised about the whole thing. I cant get her out of my head but have stayed away from her for about two weeks after she got upset that I texted her that I had a "theory" about her and the other guy and asking if he had any kids (she claims he says he doesnt want any. she cant have any more). Im sure most of you will say "forget about her" but I havent been able to. Was I crazy to think she had interest and WTF happened?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2014): No, you were not crazy to think that because she was very explicit in her words. I just don't understand why are you so upset? It's not like you have feelings for her. The only thing you want to do in get laid, so that didnt happened, big deal. She sleeps around, you really don't care. She hooks up with a guy 14 years younger, after already had 2 more guys around the same age , you don't really care. It's like you are waiting for your turn to get in her pants. Also I don't really understand how she can put pictures of her husband and her together and then mention her young lover? This woman seems to me is just having a blast with her sexual life catching the last few years of having sex with young studs. You are not in her category, she like them young, hot with flat bellies who can keep it hard and go for a long time. The difference in age between you and her lover is 20 years. I don't know if her husband knows, may be not, or may be he pretends he doesn't know. But I don't think he would really care if he did..
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2014): From what I can see you made 2 mistakes.Firstly you got attached. This was always going to happen because you changed the terms of the relationship from fun to romantic. She didnt want this. Her history suggests that she is a bit of a 'black widow'. As in using a guy until the fun wears off and then moving on. Given she has a husband that she hasnt left, clearly she has no intention of doing that.Secondly you began to see her through puppy love kind of glasses. This is an error. Because of this you made excuses for her behavior and thought that she would change for you and you would both be happy. Please. This is only in your head. She, even after you sleep with her, will lose interest eventually and move on. She will never be monogamous to you.My take is her husband knows but just doesnt care. Maybe she is right and he really doesnt love her. That however is none of your concern. So what do you do now. If you are in love with her then back off and find someone else.If you are happy to just sleep with her then chances are you could still do that but you need to wait time. After waiting without contacting her. then do so. She would respond better if you treated her more like an object. So be subtly sexual in a friendly ' I just want fun' way. If she responds then become a little more full on and appeal to her nature of sneaking off. She doesn't want to be humanized and told she is beautiful as this will make her feel guilty for what she is doing. This is where the WTF moment has come from.Despite my advice on both paths I would probably let her live her messed up life on her own
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (10 July 2014):
 She teased you throughout the friendship and you got attached to her but her type is younger men with problems in life. She just wants you to be interested in her. I don't know of what use her husband is. I think she got one man for money, one man for friendship and attention, then younger men as toys and little boys to nurture. She knows that men will drop her if she doesn't use flirting as bait. She is touched by your compliments but won't go further than friendship because she knows when it does, it ends up like her marriage and your dying down live in relationship. So it's safe to keep a distance and the fantasy burning.
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