A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys and girls,I'm sorry if this is a long post!Basically...I left home to go traveling for 18 months 6 months ago. I was living with my boyfriend of 2 years and we moved out and I set off.He couldn't come with me because he is doing a PHD in college. We agreed that 18 months was a very long time to try and keep our relationship alive especially when I only bought a one-way ticket and didn't know exactly when id be back..Over the last 6 months we have been in contact almost everyday through txts, emails, facebook and phoning each other at weekends we're still saying 'I love you and miss you etc'... So it still felt as if we were pretty much still 2gether and I referred to him as my BF when people asked if I were seeing anyone. About 4 months into my trip, I kissed another guy in a night club when I was drunk. I told my BF at home and he said that he'd forgive me as it was only a kiss. (although we were technically not together)He told me he hadn't been with anyone and didn't want to either. 3 weeks ago I flew home for a family wedding and of course I was staying at my BF's house for the 2 weeks. We had a great 2 weeks together and it was really upsetting leaving him again for both of us cause we knew how hard it was. I'm back in Australia now and Ive found out that he had been with a girl a few times while I was in OZ... but he didn't mention it to me when I was home or by text email or anything. I was so upset he lied to me. And the fact he was telling me he loved me and couldn't wait to see me and all this but yet he was with another girl. I phoned him and told him I never wanted to speak to him again that i had found out about his little fling if u call it that!He was so upset for the next few days texting me phoning me etc..Saying how sorry he was and that if I gave him another chance he would make it up to me for the rest of his life. He rang me and told me he was coming out to me next week in Australia to sort this out show me how much I meant to him. He has told me he only kissed this girl twice when he was out, and he said that he realises he made a huge mistake not telling me. Hes said that I'm the only girl for him and he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, marry me and have children. He said he wants to get back together properly and he will come visit me at christmas for 3 weeks while hes on holidays from college, and then wait for me at home until I come back late next year.This is the first time he has mentioned gettin married and he said he means it, that if I came home now he would happily put a ring on my finger, But I cant help thinking that I'm going to be holding him back since ill be away for another 12 months, if he knows that I'm the one would he not rather be with other girls for the next year and live his life have fun if he already knows "Im the one!" Im happy to stay with him while I'm over here I'm not interested in anyone else. I just dont want to hold him back. I know guys are different when it comes to gettin with other girls and stuff before they settle on one girl for life.Any help would be greatly appreciated!we are both 23...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): I wouldn't rush into marriage, first off.
Secondly, does he love you? Yes, it's highly possible.
I posted a Q about this today on monogamy.
Fact is, lots of guys can love 1 woman, yet can sleep with other women.
To them, they are still in love with you and the other girl (or guy these days/if bi) was just something physical.
It just depends on their character, and their will to resist the urge and their views on commitment.
[I'm not surprised he forgave you for the kiss. Men will usually be more forgiving on something just physical versus where more emotion was involved (seeing the guy again, having feelings for the other guy) since they can relate more to it.] - Someone responded with this comment on my monogamy post.
"Im happy to stay with him while I'm over here I'm not interested in anyone else. I just dont want to hold him back. I know guys are different when it comes to gettin with other girls and stuff before they settle on one girl for life."
It sounds like your very...understanding.
Maybe it's time,you both be more open to seeing other people.
If it's meant to work, in the long run it would.
On him not telling you about the other girl, don't be surprised, even married men/women who cheat will usually never spill the beans EVEN if confronted. Usually, the only way to actually get them to confess something did happen is to provide evidence - otherwise it's excuse after excuse, they'd never admit it.
I may not have advice, but I wanted to shed some light on some aspects.
The other Aunts/Uncles will have more to say.
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