A
female
age
30-35,
*andy sweety
writes:Hi dear cupid..i m 18 yrs old.my question is about my family..ok here's my question Daily my parents are forcing me to discuss marriage..they deal with me like a puppet..whenever i put my views my father started abusing and my mother she looks at me like an enemy.Everyone in my family always talk about marriage..i cant breath in this atmosphere..i am very much stressed and that stress affects my health..they know that i cant do anything because i' m totally depended on my family and it is in our law that forced marriages are not allowed in india. Even our religion doesnt allow this type of marriages..everyone in this world said that parents are our best frnd but from my point of view they are my biggest enemy.They never treat us like a loved child.They behave like I am illiterate personThet always abusing or shouting so loudly at me that i feel like fainting because i m so sensitive by heart..plzzz help me out otherwise i'm not going to happy. I want my life properly..plzz help me out is there any way i can not have this stress in my life..i just want to leave home..plzzz dont say respect ur parents and all that bcoz i m too much depressed and i cant handle any answers which are against my question..i hope u all understand plzzz help me;(;(;(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2012): Yeah I know forcing you into marriage and not allowing you to study is just ruthless..
But is marriage your only option?is there any other way out?
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (23 August 2012):
 i am really glad that you are top of your class.
Your parents are quite unreasonable about pushing you into a marriage when you are so young.
If you do want to continue your studies after marriage could you also consider birth control for the first few years? Since babies too early in the marriage will further stymie your academic ambitions.
As far as answers, when one is young, as you are, you may not realize that culturally each person sincerely tries to give you the best answer possible.
However, culturally, the best answer possible, in each instance, may suit the culture of one continent ans not the culture of another continent.
To give you the most culturally appropriate answer each person answering would also have to have walked in your shoes and survived.
That is the nature of answers.
Occasionally an OP will receive an answer that is a perfect match, in the opinion of the OP.
For the rest of the time you are at liberty to sift some gems of wisdom from what has been freely given to you, and in good faith.
But if another person who is also a high achiever academically, with unreasonable parents who have been trying to force an 18 year old to marry is out there - and has successfully resisted the parennts pressure, and successfully survived such unreasonable pressure then please step forward to help give comfort to this young lady, please?
The pressure on this young lady must weigh heavily upon her.
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A
female
reader, Candy sweety +, writes (23 August 2012):
Candy sweety is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks evryone for ur support..ok so one thing that u all dont know is i m the topper of my class and that guy he is not a losser..he loves me a lot with a great mind..i belong to a muslim indian family living in a high society..but having everything nd belonging to a high society family it doesnt change my parents mind..i told them that i want to study but my father says continue ur study after marriage..no one can change my parents mind..i m not in a mood of marrying with anyone not even my bf but i dont want my parents to play with my life and deal with me like a puppet..whatever it is respect a parent and everything else..i respect my parents a lot..i decided to left my parents house very earlier but i m not that kind of girl..i never argue with my parents..but there is a limit for everything..so now i decided to marry him bcoz they is no other way to get rid from mental toucher..nd plzzz everyone its my humble request plzzz dont give such type of answer which hurts me bcoz i m totally dipressed..nd thanks for the help..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2012): I know right now marrying him,you would think is ideal..but your just 18??,so I really don't think you should even think about marriage right now..
But what I'm worried is you I hope your parents to force you into marriage!
I would rather have you leave home for education purpose than leave home to get married to somone soo soon!he may love you but your too naïve now to think about it..
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (23 August 2012):
Turn this situation around. Get passionate about your studies. Apply yourself to your studies. Even if that was not your intention initally.Tell your parents that you want to give your studies priority first. That you will be such a better 'catch' later if they will first let you complete your education to a better standard than now. And point out your flaws. Point out calmy and without drama that emotionally you are not ready for marriage.Focus on your great motivation to develop your skills more with more study and "sell" this to your parents as their way to be so proud of their daughter becoming so well educated.point out to your parents that in this century that really great 'catches' as husband material are well educated. It is not as it was even 60 or 70 years ago. Today a man needs a well educated wife.If they do not allow you to complete more education then young men who are well educated with good prospects will not even want to look at you if you are not well educated.As your parents: Do they want to condemn you to a poorly educated man who will never make a good living. Or will they be modern parents and allow you to go on to get a better education? And so eventually be more in demand as a very well educated young woman? Right now any guy who arrived offering you words and promises would be a great cause for concern. Intelligent businessmen don't usually like very naive girls except in order to take their virginity, have a laugh and move on. I would be very concerned about any intended husband your parents may have in mind. And about his intentions towards you. if your parents have anyone in mind as a great possible 'hope' for the future then i think all he could be offering are illusions. A naive 18 year old does not have a lot to offer save for virginity. That is not the basis for a marriage if that is your biggest attractions Tell your parents that they are rushing you far too quickly towards a potentially unhappy marriage.Rebuilding your relationship with your parents is such a Huge task to foist on an 18 year old. But you do need to get their support to ensure you can concentrate on your studies.Aim to continue with your education for another three years. If you get a chance to study outside of your country then 'sell' that to your parents as important for your education to really complete your education.The longer you can keep studying the further away you can keep marriage at bay.I think you need a lot more maturity before you are ready to marry anyone. Any guy your parents think is the 'great hope' will turn out to be far less than you think. Even a guy offering to 'save' you is no basis for a loving marriage. And you would end up even more vulnerable than you are now with your pushy parents.Forget the tears. Get smarter. Calmer and be cool Let your parents be the ones to 'lose it' and get overly emotional. Whereas you should aim to stay calm at all times. Do not shout at your parents. Do not have tantrums and crying and yelling. YOU be the calm one. YOU be the wone one to stay extra calm. By doing that you end up showing up your parents as the overly emotional ones who are out of control.That your parents are getting overly emotional and demanding and trying to push you around means that they are not in a strong position. It is unfair to push a daughter into marriage when she is emotionally not ready to marry. And it is disrespectful of your parents.Whenever you rebut your parents shabby arguments against you continuing your studies you need to be the one who stays calm. Even if your parents are behaving very badly.Always stay respectful. Be calm and patient and good at listening. Listen very carefully when your parents speak. Even write notes of their own words as they speak to you. Then you can analyse those words and even quote those words back at them to demonstrate how flimsy are their arguments as they try to force you into marriage. Even if you did not intend to study more this will give you breathing space. It will allow things to calm down. And as you mature a little more and earn more respect and show what you are capable of your parents will end up seeing that you are not yet mature enough to marry anyone.
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A
female
reader, Candy sweety +, writes (23 August 2012):
Candy sweety is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo not a solutionno one understand me and no one is going to help me out in this situation..but i want take a suggestion. So i am in love with a guy of 24..he loves me a lot mashaallah..and he wants to marry me..He is from another country..i know him personally..he is a very big businessman..he loves my heart my soul..he loves me because I'm very innocent and i respect him a lot..so would i marry him without my parents consent?Because I know they will never ever allow me toAnd he said that he can fight for me from everyone..and help me out
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A
female
reader, Candy sweety +, writes (23 August 2012):
Candy sweety is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo its not the solution..u know i cried a lot in front of them and i cried very loud when i m alone..no one will help me out in this situation except god..but somehow u r right bcoz i can't get better place then my home.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2012): Indian parents their traditions,values sometimes it just takes over their lives..where respect in the community is everything,its really sad..You are just 18 I don't know why they are rushing into marriage,they should focus on your career instead..Do you have a say in the man they pick for you?would they let you get married to someone you love?I can understand your situation and you may think the best thing is to leave home,but trust me its not..your 18 still deepenedent on your family,how are you going to survive in this harsh world..?Do you have a relative,a sister who you can confide in and may be they can talk to your parents?I know I can't tell you get a job and just leave home for further education because I know that's not how it works in india..You are as if in a contract to live with parents unless and until you get married!The only way out is talking to them..
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