A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I want a lot of advice so I'm not sure this question will fall into a single category. I'm a 34 year old virgin - something that I'm not proud of but I guess that's life. I've been with girls and done stuff before and even without the sex I think I've been in love a few times. The last time was back in October when I was talking to this girl who lived at the other end of the country but I really did fall for her so when she said she was with another guy, it really hurt. It sounds really really pathetic, but everyone I've been close to have always been the ones to hurt me.I met a girl online back in August, she lives a lot closer and since she became single back in September we have spent ages talking to each other. This morning we were up til 4am talking but we stay up til gone 1am almost every night. I know she may be talking to others, but I'm very old fashioned and I'm not talking to any one else. She's only 21 so she's a lot younger than I am and she has 2 young children (3 and 18 months old), I have never met her, but every time I see her pictures and Snapchat stories and get to know her more and more I am wanting to get romantically involved. I bought them a gift at Xmas (that turned out to be a bit too soft according to my family) but i've asked about meeting up and she sounds keen to, but she's been through a tough time and doesn't have anybody to have the boys and she's reluctant to introduce the boys to any Tom, Dick or Harry, which I completely understand. How do I show her my feelings without wanting to over step the mark. I think the boys are adorable and I see them as a family I want to be a part of and not just as her for sexual pleasure. I wear my heart on my sleeve which in the end is my biggest downfall, but what would you all suggest I should do...she's told me she's not sleeping with anyone else, she's said that all she needs is time and that we will meet although "it may not be straight away". Please help and give me some advice because I'm absolutely crazy about this girl, and it's been years since I felt like this. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (18 January 2020):
 If she wanted to meet you, she would do. It’s really that simple. 2 people that want to be together have to meet at some point so if you extend the invitation and they dance around the subject it’s obvious that they don’t want to meet.
Who watches her kids whilst she works? She definitely has someone to watch the kids so I don’t buy that. That’s just an excuse so she doesn’t have to meet you.
You’re an online friend that listens to her problems and helps her out. Nothing more to see here I’m afraid. Move on.
A
female
reader, mystiquek  + ♥, writes (17 January 2020):
 I've had 2 small children and I know it isn't always easy to get away but certainly in all this time she could have found a way to meet you 30 minutes? I can't believe that there is absolutely NO ONE that could watch her children for a brief period of time. I'd wager a guess that she's lonely/bored and enjoys chatting with you after the kids are asleep and she has nothing to do but I certainly would rein in my feelings for her because she may only think of you as someone to spend time with. You've let this go on for quite awhile without meeting. As the other aunts have suggested you need to put a time frame on this and either meet her or move on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (17 January 2020):
 I have to agree with Auntie Bim Bim.
If she can not find a baby sitter so you two can met in person, I think you need to cut her loose. I also think that SHE might be a bit more "complicated" to date because of the two kids. Simply because HER first priorities should and will be the kids. After all you have been talking since August and there hasn't been a possibility to meet up, so HOW would you conduct a relationship?
She IS being smart in not introducing her kids to POTENTIAL partners until there is a solid relationship established (so ROUGHLY after 10-12 months). But if she can't see you in person, I don't think DATING is really going to work.
And let's not forget she is kinda FRESH out of a relationship, she has TWO kids with one or two other men. THAT is a lot. And for someone who has never dated, and thus have no relationship experience this might be a bit more than you can handle.
And I also agree that IF she can talk to you over apps/text/whatnot for hours on end... but NOT find a way to meet up, it does sound like she wants someone to BE there for her but not necessarily a relationship.
SHE is 21, so mother or not, she is still maturing. Some women who have kids young mature faster (they have to) but others don't. They will have the teenage mentality but the adult responsibilities.
I'd say rein in your feelings. Give yourself a time limit to meet up. If that doesn't happen, LOOK elsewhere for a person to date.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (17 January 2020):
 Please don't build up too many high expectations until you have actually met and spent time together on several occasions.
Its understandable she is reluctant to introduce the children to anybody at this stage but I suspect she could easily find somebody to mind them, or even look into the availability of occasional care for around two hours so that she could meet you for a coffee.
I'm concerned that if she is not making an effort to meet soon but is content with talking through all hours of the night that she isn't really interested in meeting you but merely using you to either while away the lonely hours to to starve of the boredom.
Don't let the situation as it is drag on for two much longer. Set a time limit for yourself, like a month, and if she still isn't able to organise somebody to mind the kids then accept she isn't interested in a romantic relationship and move on.
Good luck.
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