A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So for a good amount of time I've been single and haven't had much going on in my romantic life, partly because I'm very picky about girls and partly because I had a long period of being less social than I used to be. Recently though I've been spending a pretty good amount of time with this girl I'll call K. I met her about a year ago at a party and we immediately hit it off and ended up making out in the back of a jeep,I think it would have gone farther but we were in the back of a full jeep. Anyways, we texted a few times after that party but didn't end up seeing each other again till late October at a football game where we flirted but nothing really happened. Between then and April I saw her a few more times, but in mid April we went to some festival together with some other friends and ended up hanging out at her house after and I sort of realized I was getting into her. We hung out a few more times in late April and May and June, but this month I've been hanging out with her every day or two, usually she picks me up and we drive all over the place and talk and take walks etc. When we hang out we always have fun since we pretty much enjoy all of the same stuff, but I feel this sort of unspoken tension like we both want to take it farther than just hanging out as friends. All of this would be totally cool except that sometime earlier in the year I found out that she has HIV, it's hereditary. This doesn't change the way I feel about her, if it wasn't a factor I would jump on an opportunity to ask her out or whatever. I could definitely see myself with this girl, but I don't want to do anything to compromise my health/safety. Should I disregard being practical and thinking and do what I really want to do, or accept that it's too risky and try to get over it? What's the best way for me to handle this situation?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2012): Um...HIV is not hereditary... She either caught it from an unprotected sexual encounter, IV drug use or she got it as her mother gave birth to her...which is not the same as it being hereditary.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 July 2012):
 At your age I would advise being very careful about his...
I will tell you this:
My brother in law has HIV and has for nearly 20 years. My brother his husband has been with him for 12 years and he does NOT have it. My brother has HEP-C (very contagious) and his husband has never gotten it.
There are ways to have loving relationships with infected people and not get infected BUT we are all in our late 40s/50s and life is different for us...
IF you like her then be friends with her... but I think that you should clearly table any sexual contact with her till you are 100% sure you want to risk something like exposure to HIV which could color your life forever...
and at 17 you will not want what you want at 20 and at 20 you will not want what you will want at 25... that's just how life is...
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (16 July 2012):
The choice is yours. The fact is that if you embarked on a sexual relationship with her, it would never be risk-free. However you could substantially reduce your risks by using good-quality condoms. If you did that it would be highly unlikely that you would be infected with HIV, but that’s more of a 99.9% guarantee than an absolute certainty. Perhaps as no relationship has started yet, it’s early enough to walk away from the situation and accept that all you can have is friendship. That might be harder for you if you were already seeing her and deeply in love. But if you did have a relationship of a sexual nature follow all precautions and have regular tests. There are many couples where one partner is HIV positive whilst the other person is not, and they manage okay.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (16 July 2012):
 Well this decision is yours to make and yours only - we cant tell you what is right for you. All we can do is give you our own opinion and you can make your decision from there.
I personally think it is too much of a risk to take when you are so young - if you were much older, had known the girl for years and were madly in love with her then it might be a different story.
But you are so young and to risk your health for a girl you are only just getting to know is too much of a risk in my opinion.
I think the best thing you can do is stay friends with her and see if in a few years you still feel the same. Be careful around her and definitely dont have any sexual contact for now. To have sexual contact with someone who has HIV is a massive step and you would have to be 100% certain that she is a person you want to commit to long term - otherwise if an accident occured and you ended up with HIV too you would be sort of bound to each other for life or destined to struggle to find anyone else ever again. So if you were going to 'go further' with her you would have to be sure that she is worth the risk of possibly never having another girlfriend again.
It is really difficult for someone so young to be in this situation, that's why I suggest you stay friends with her and see what happens. That way time will tell how well you really get on and how you truly feel about each other. And it will also allow you time to think about this and think if it is what you really want.
One other factor to remember is that depending on the state you live in you are probably still legally underage so you dont want to add that into this mess either.
Be careful and wait and see what happens - maturity and time will help a lot in this situation.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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