A
female
age
30-35,
*oungdumbandhormonal
writes:I am 20 years old. My fiance, boyfriend, whatever you want to call him is 50. We are swingers, which means we're in an open relationship. now that the info is over, here's my story.I was driving home from my uncle's house one night and saw my bf's nephew walking back to his house. I stopped and decided to give him a ride. Well we went to his place and he invited me in for a drink. I went in and we had a few drinks but then he started hinting that he'd like to....do it. so I consented because, let's be honest, I'd wanted him for a while. long story short I went home, told my bf, he laughed and that was it. Well....then I went out friday and the nephew was there, we had a night of drinking laughing and whatnot until it was time to go home. I wasn't about to drive home so the nephew gave me a ride but, some lady, (who was very unattractive) was driving his car and I got so upset that I went home and went on and on about how ugly she was(mind you, I was drunk) that it pissed my bf off and he didn't talk to me all the next day. I don't know what to do. I've never been so jealous of a man that I've slept with than I am of him. Also, My bf and I are kinda on the rocks and the nephew is way closer to my age. I don't know what to do, somebody with common sense, please help me!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 September 2012):
 Honey if you hate the lifestyle (and I’ve been a swinger in my past) then DON’T do it. IF you are unhappy then get out of the relationship…
I would get away from the whole family to be honest…
And as the older partner in my age gap relationship (we met while I was married to my then (swinger) husband who also btw is now in a monogamous marriage.... ) I can tell you that if my man left me now (I’m 52 to his 39) I would NOT blame him. BUT it would hurt me… and I’d be sad. The sooner you end it with your older man the better…
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 September 2012):
 Very well put anonymous male reader!
Yes, having a swinger lifestyle with a 50 year old is not at all a healthy choice for a 20 year old (or most ages really). Then having sex with his nephew? Are you trying to "keep it in the family"?
I will second the finding a counselor. It seems VERY destructive behavior.
And honey, you might want to blame this on hormones and hornyness, but you ARE responsible for every action you make.
So how about you start putting YOU first? Let the sex take a rest and figure out why you are doing the things you are doing.
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A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (10 September 2012):
 when you meet someone and fall in love it should be such a standout experience. you should give your self some space and learn about you before you commit to someone else. That way you can build up some feelings and ideas about what you want in the future for your relationship and yourself. hopefully these goals will be compatable.
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A
female
reader, youngdumbandhormonal +, writes (10 September 2012):
youngdumbandhormonal is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate all the advice. I know I have issues with my father. I love the "Old man" but, I do know that I can't be with him forever. I really do hate the "Swinging" lifestyle. At first it was fun but, now I would rather sleep with other people than old men. It's almost become a chore, like taking out the trash or washing the dishes. I have always flirted with the nephew, for the past three years and I think he might have feelings for me. He did not get me drunk that night though, I should clarify, I only had a three drinks. I really like the nephew, he really is a good guy, I just don't know how that would affect him and his family....
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (10 September 2012):
 The anonymous poster has hit the nail on the head - you are a very confused young lady who is heading down a self-destructive path, and you need some professional help to get yout back on the right track.
Open relationships rarely work for anyone, let alone a 20 year old with a man old enough to be her father. I'm sure if you sat down and thought about the long term with your partner you would realise he is not right for you - after all do you really want to be aged 30 married to a 60 year old? Do you want to become a carer for a pensioner when you are sill young? What about children, would you ever like to have kids? If yes, surely you would want their father to be around to play with them, and watch them grow up? If by some miracle this man is still healthy enough to get you pregnant in 5+ years time, he probably wont see them get married, he wont be fit and healthy enough to play with them and be a normal young dad.
The jealousy over the nephew and this other woman shows that deep down an open relationship is not working, it shows how quickly you have become attached to someone who showed you a bit of attention, and how deep down you actually want to be committed to someone and be the only person in their life.
So what should you do now? Think carefully about your current relationship, think about the future and whether this is going to work long term. Hopefully you will come to the right conclusion that this wont work, and perhaps you have some father related issues that are leading you to choose inappropriate relationships with older men - and seek help from a therapist/counsellor for these issues.
Forget about the nephew for now, nothing can come of that relationship because of your relationship with his uncle (your fiance). He used you for sex when you were drunk, there isnt much else to say about it. You have simply attached yourself to him because you find him attractive and have enjoyed the company of someone closer to your own age. He isnt someone to consider as a long term partner, he has just shown you the light so to speak.
Try and stop drinking for a while too, it is clearly affecting your behaviour and clouding your judgements. A few weeks (or months) away from alcohol will help when you are making such massive decisions about your future.
If you have any older family members you can talk to it might be a good idea to go to them for advice and a shoulder to cry on, they will be able to support you through all of this.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 September 2012):
 The anonymous male reader has given fantastic advice. I second it word for word and wouldn't add or take away a single thing!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2012): "I don't know what to do, somebody with common sense, please help me!"Stop drinking, stop having sex with random strangers, dump the surrogate Daddy whom even you don't know what to call, stay away from the predatory nephew who got you drunk to get you into bed, and see a counsellor because I suspect you have a lot of unresolved long-term deep-seated issues. Kudos for your self-awareness, your DC screen name says it all, but more seriously it reflects your own lack of self-respect and self-esteem. You know you're acting out for a reason, you need to get to the roots of what factors are motivating, influencing, and driving your behavior. I suspect you're a very unhappy, confused, troubled, misguided young woman on a very self-destructive path. Please get the help you need to overcome whatever childhood issues you need to address in order for you to transform yourself into a well-adjusted, self-respecting, emotionally healthy young woman.
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