A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Fiance came home an hour late from work.He told me he had to work late. I didn't believe him and questioned him all night. THe next day he told me a co-worker just broke up with bf and didn't have anyone to talk to so he stayed late to talk to her about it. He lied to me because I would have yelled at him if he told me the truth......I am having trouble getting over this lie. I wish he would have been honest.Now I wonder is there is something going on???Any advice out there????
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2009): well if you suspect more then you need to probe more and investigate. be subtle but more observant.
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (16 July 2009):
 I see things a little differently.
Is the poster upset that the fiance comforted a co-worker, per se... or upset about the lying?
There's nothing wrong with a man having a close (platonic)friendship with a woman. The fact that he comforted this other girl was a lovely, kind gesture.
There is no excuse for lying, however. If you're going to share your life with this guy, he shouldn't be keeping these things from you.
I'm not a particularly jealous or insecure woman, but I'm not a trusting one either. If I were in a relationship with someone who lied to me, it would contribute to my feelings of jealousy. If a fiance lied to me about sharing a secret with someone else, it would make me feel shut out.
I don't know if you've had problems with jealousy in the past. I've been the female friend-who-got-thrown-out-like last-week's garbage because of many a jealous girlfriend, and I know how insecure women can be. You should stand by ALL relationships... friends, girlfriends, etc.
He did the right thing in helping his friend, but he shouldn't have lied to you about it. How does telling a lie help to foster trust?
I think you should tell him how it made you feel.
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A
male
reader, Luaris +, writes (15 July 2009):
 Well, it could have been what he said. Although youd think he wouldnt have lied about it if it was only that. Ive been lied to like that and it turned out things were what I thought. But thats just me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): I am sure this is all very noble and I'd love to give men the benefit of the doubt (which you are all doing in these posts), however I have worked in a "very" male environment (construction) and was allowed to see what most women don't at work. Men are very often one thing at work then an entirely different person at home with their partner. I've seen the married men ogle over porn at work like they've never seen it before; I've seen them flirt (despite being married), with our pretty new receptionist; I've seen them try their hardest to get into my pants without success; I saw a particularly loyal family man go nuts over another girl who is basically was besotted with - luckily she left (and he was married to a gorgeous girl and had 3 lovely children). The workplace can be rife for this sort of thing so I'd be very wary. Ask to meet this girl yourself, say you want to help out and perhaps both of you take her out for lunch. See what he says to that! Lying is a NO NO in a relationship and I don't care what the circumstances are. I don't like this one little bit.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): Okay there is more to the story....
When we first started dating he had a "rebound" girlfriend for 4 months into our relationship.I suspected there was someone else, I was right......
He has cheeted on women in the past.
oh and he got off work at midnight came home at one am in the morning.
I found a friendly email about him inviting her to play soccer one day.He doesn't know I have seen it.WHen I asked if they email to see each other outside work he says "never"
I don't know if he is afraid to tell me because he knows I would be pissed off. Or is there something going on??
This is driving me nutty I don't know what to think anymore.
He is great to talk to perhaps he was being helpful...
I don't know he has been deciving in the past
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A
female
reader, rachhh  +, writes (14 July 2009):
 I agree with satin that 'His compassion for other people's pain shouldn't be something you punish.'
However you may want to tell him that in the future he should tell you the truth in the first place, because now it is understandable that you think that he maybe hiding more.
and don't ever yell at him again when he teels you the truth! otherwise, yes, he probably will continue to tell you lies.
good luck.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (14 July 2009):
 Why did he feel the need to lie to you? Because you may get upset?
If he lied to you about what seems such a trivial thing I would be asking him if there is anything else you need to know.
That old "helping a friend with their relationship" is littered all over this site.
If it was for any other reason than that, Id be less suspicious, but that line is as old as the bible.
did'nt this lady have some female friends or co-workers whom she is close to that she could count on? Why did they stay at work? Id have a bunch of more questions myself.
What is your gut telling you?
The gut never lies, young lady
I say hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (14 July 2009):
 I agree with Satin.
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A
female
reader, LC_2008  +, writes (14 July 2009):
 I can totally understand your reaction, I would be exactly the same. You know your relationship best so without giving advice I'm going to ask you one question and answer it as you will.
Is there something in your past as a couple or his past with previous girlfriends that is making you doubt what he is saying as true? Be it lying, or cheating. Generally our fears come from something that is rooted in our unconscious.
Good Luck
xoxoxx
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