A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This has happened twice and now I'm curious if it's just coincidence or something more?I met two girls on two separate occasions through two separate mutual friends at group get-togethers. (I have different sets of friends, like old school friends, work friends, etc). I continued to see them and hang and talk to them at these get togethers. In both situations I at one point brought my boyfriend to the get togethers. And in each scenario the two separate girls, after meeting the bf, wanted to exchange numbers to hang out with me outside of the group. I think enough time passed in each situation that they could have asked to exchange numbers to hang out at an earlier get together. I remember I felt surprised they wanted to hang out in each situation. So here's my question. I don't think they are trying anything dastardly at all, so my question isn't about feeling jealous, threatened, are they trying to steal, etc. But I DO think it's not just me and my awesome self that prompted the asking for numbers. Has anyone also noticed this? Or has anyone been the asker? Do these girls somehow want to be more friendly BECAUSE of the bf or because I have a bf and not just because I'm so awesome (haha :)). My own random thoughts: Like, "oh she has a boyfriend, she must be interesting" (yes lame but I don't know!) Or, "oh her boyfriend is cute I want to get to know her more to see if the bf has friends?"More facts:Both girls are looking for guys and have always talked to me about their search, online or speed dating etc, so I know they're looking. They both knew I had a bf, too, so it shouldn't be a surprise I bring him. I guess the only other fact that might be pertinent is that my boyfriend is extraordinarily good looking. Sorry if that sounds terrible or braggy, but I think that might be a factor. And I think it's objective in that every time people meet him it's the first thing they say and not just everyday attractive but movies/modeling attractive (he's actually a very sweet and uncomplicated guy--somewhat clueless haha-- which is why I'm with him). I apologize for the long read, and the rambling. I guess you could say all of this is crazy and just a coincidence (probably better). Any thoughts and insight analysis would be much appreciated! Thank you! :)
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has a boyfriend, jealous, she has a boyfriend, speed dating Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 March 2014):
 I don't think it has anything to do with your boyfriend, but just that the times coincided. The time came where you were comfortable enough to bring your boyfriend, and at this time they were also comfortable enough to ask to hang out outside of the group. It takes several meetings with the group before someone will make a move to ask to hang out outside of the group. It's just that the time came where they felt comfortable to ask you so, and coincidentally, this was the same time where you felt comfortable about bringing your boyfriend to this group.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 March 2014):
 I do think it's coincidence too. However, someone who is in a happy relationship (or happy with themselves) can be a really positive influence on others.
If you girls go out, you are NON threat for any guys who might approach you all. Since you already HAVE a BF. No competition.
Personally, I have never become friend with a girl because she had/has a hot BF.
I think it's YOU they want to befriend. Now if they CONSTANTLY drop hint about meeting your hot BF's friends then yea...... they are trolling for a hot guy.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (16 March 2014):
 On my most desperate day of singledom I still wouldn't have made plans with a girl I didn't like (or was on the fence about) just because she had a hot boyfriend.
I do think it's a coincidence.
Personally I never try to exchange contact info with people until an event is winding down and I'm running out of potential opportunities to ask. I've always thought that doing so in the middle of things sort of gives the impression that you're over whatever is currently going on and already thinking ahead to something else. I have no idea if others would feel similarly; it just never feels polite to me.
Likewise, the girl who invited me to dinner with her and her husband after meeting in a group setting last week did so at the end of the evening, a la "Hey, we should hang out again sometime." To be honest I'd have thought it a bit weird had she done so within a few minutes of meeting me.
Yes, the invite didn't come until after she had met my boyfriend, but that's because we were together for the original introductions :)
It's also possible that your potential as a group date buddy appeals to them and they wanted to make sure your boyfriend wasn't someone prospective dates (for them) would find boring or obnoxious.
The other potential motive I can think of is that these girls are considering inviting you AND your boyfriend to future events of their own - either because you both share mutual friends with them, or because it's polite to include people's partners when possible - and wanted to make sure he's someone they enjoy (or can tolerate) being around.
Hope this helps. Best wishes!
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A
female
reader, Marilissa75 +, writes (16 March 2014):
 I would not read much into it. The two of you probably have good energy together and make the gathering more fun when you are there together. People are often drawn to friends who are where they aspire to be themselves. So these ladies probably see you as someone nice, cool and interesting and the fact that you have a boyfriend means you know something about how to attract and keep a man around and maybe they want advice. It's always great to have more friends and acquaintances. Hang out with them and see if you enjoy their company.
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