A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Is my relationship with her wrong? So heres the thing. :) I'm 15. I've been told many times I'm extremely mature for my age. I've been best friends with her since we were 3. Every summer she's come and stayed with her family that lives here for about two months. We're all good friends. This last summer things changed though. I noticed her staring at me, i caught myself noticing how beautiful and mature she is also. We both came to admit we've both loved eachother, but been afraid of making it known for fear of ruining our relationship. Now i know. I love her. Shes the first girl I've ever loved. She loves me. i love her with everything i am. We are both Christians and have decided to save sex for marrige. I have no desire to have sex wth her untill marrige. We were watching a movie this summer, and i leaned down and kissed her. It was our first kiss. Over the course of the summer kisses and making out became more common, we would hold hands when no-one saw. One evening it was dark, we were laying on the couch just cuddling and i ended up (with her non-verbal, sort of 'body language' encouragment) putting my hands up her shirt and touching her breasts. Later I was laying on top of her kissing and she put her hands down my pants, took my penis and started stroking it. I was... heh a little surprised? She didn't make me come though. And i was glad. This happened more during the summer but it was always confined to that. At no time did I ever let myself lose self control. I only touched her anywhere remotely near 'down there' once, and through her clothes. Now I'm wondering, I know what I believe and why I believe it as a Christian, its not just a religion inheritted from my parents. Is this relationship wrong or innapropriat? We're going to keep it strictly confined. But is touching, and kissing wrong? The Bible doesn't speak much in this area. Any advice?[Moderator Note: Girl's Name removed for privacy concerns]
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female
reader, Zoe6  +, writes (26 October 2009):
And to the other guy....if you plan on doing it again...then ur not really sorry...so ur not really asking for forgiveness. Don't take Gods grace 4 granted. God loves you, but hes not gonna b walked over. Make ur decision, u either want to have a sexual contact with tis girl or u don't. If you don't then seek forgiveness for what you did...
If your gonna do it over and over again on purpose then don't.
Im not perfect tho...Only God can judge...talk to him...hes a pretty cool guy you know
A
female
reader, Zoe6 +, writes (26 October 2009):
kissing, holding hands, hugging etc fine! going further is too tempting i think... but its between u and God...pray about it :-)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): this is Ian, and thanks guys, but honestly, neither of us have even the smallest desire for sex. Spending time alone (more than 10 minutes) is out of the scheme of things now, as both our parents know about our 'relationship change'. I was basically asking, is kissing, holding hands, putting your arm around her wrong. Our previous actions wont be repeated, since we wont be spending time alone (:
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): THIS IS SO WEIRD!! only two nights ago i was put in the same situation! I am 17 and also christian, nd found myself lying nxt to all my matse on a large mattress, until we started sleeping. I was about to sleep when i felt her hand grab mine, nd to cut a long story short she was giving me a handjob and i was letting my hand venture to all parts of her body.
I really believe in forgiveness but if i repent i may find myself in the situation again nd once again not control it, therefore the repentance being worthless!
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A
female
reader, Zoe6 +, writes (25 October 2009):
Can I just reply to the last piece of advice(anon male)...Don't be so harsh..He's only young, and he needs to make his own mistakes, and live his own life. Don't offer any advice at all if your gonna judge him! God doesn't judge him, God loves him and forgives him, so who are you to judge, let he who is without sin cast the 1st stone!
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A
female
reader, Zoe6 +, writes (25 October 2009):
Can I just reply to the last piece of advice(anon male)...Don't be so harsh..He's only young, and he needs to make his own mistakes, and live his own life. Don't offer any advice at all if your gonna judge him! God doesn't judge him, God loves him and forgives him, so who are you to judge, let he who is without sin cast the 1st stone!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009): Well I'm a christian too, and yes it is wrong for premarital sex,not saying I didn't do it myself.I lost my virginity at 14 to a 19 y.o.I have a 14 & a 15 yo and I've been married for 5 yrs to another lady.Listen to me,it's gonna keep going farther and farther and faster and faster till you pop her charry and you let a lot of people you love down.Repent you sinner!
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A
female
reader, Zoe6 +, writes (25 October 2009):
Also... You might really like the New century version Youth bible, it has little clippets of information in there on modern issues, like sex, drugs, alcohol, etc etc, I found it a life saver when I was a teenager.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009): Hey, Iam also a christian, I have been since a very young age, but I am far from perfect!
You are only young and you are going to make mistakes, God understands that we are only human, and knows that we are gonna mess up! Thats why he sent Jesus!
But saying that however (even though i did exactly the same as you when I was your age!) as much as you think its only touching now, it can so easily lead to more, we are only human and human desires will take over quickly.
Some one in my church once (foolishly) said "if you can't control yourselves then get married"- personally I think thats ridiculous, but maybe something to discuss with people in your church who know you, because Im just a stranger on the internet...lol
I think that for now, if you feel that you can spend time together in a room where other people are, then you won't be tempted to touch eachother inapprpriately, will you? Thats how some of my friends manamged to "save themselves for marriage". Accountability to a friend or a group of friends is a good way foward, get them to keep an eye on you. Because if this girl is going to be your wife in the future, of course your going to find her attractive and not gonna want to keep your hands off her, BUT if you want her to be your wife and do things Gods way, then wait to do them Gods way. Don't be alone together, because the temptation is too much- trust a girl with experience, and also remember, God is forgiving, he loves you, talk to him, ask his advice, it'll be better than mine, or the judgemental people ^^ Lol. Good luck friend x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009): Well, i'm a christian too but I have never had a girlfriend and I have never done what you did. But I do have some advice though. Personally, I think that what you did was wrong. Now that you started doing that, you'll probably want to go further someday so, be careful. I'm telling you this because I watched a show about lust in the history channel and I learned that, during the act, a hormone is released that keeps you from making rational decisions. Not good for a christian, don't you think? So, if you keep that up, things might get out of hand.
Anyway. about my advice, watch this show called "The secret life of the american teenager", preferably together. You'll learn about christian relationships and sex.
It might help you guys.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (25 October 2009):
 If you read your bible you will find there are more contradictions in its pages than anything else. So, putting religion aside, you shouldn't be having sex at your age because it is illegal unless you come from one of those regions where people are allowed to be sexually intimate under 16.
Anything else is legal - just no penetration. It sounds like she would definitely like to explore a little more. This is an age when you can do this. It is part of your move to full adulthood. Don't feel ashamed. Be sensitive - which it sounds as if you are - honest and caring.
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