A
female
age
41-50,
*indrop
writes:I am not sure where to start. I guess I should be straightforward. I have been feeling real envious more so lately of the male anatomy, well, the penis. Yes penis envy probably. Anyway, whenever I masturbate I have to think of my partner getting off, his hard penis all ready to explode and that makes me hot. No, this is not a joke question I am writing here. I feel I am becoming obsessed to the point I get jealous at the thought that as my boyfriend goes to the gym, his testosterone levels increase therefore making his orgasms that much more intense and better then mine. I know he gets himself off in the times I do not see him. I just feel so envious that it must feel so great to be a man, to be able to cum easily (I struggle especially with my partner) and to have such horny feelings and lust in general. We do have a relatively good sex life and my partner is not selfish.I just wanted to know if what I feel is normal? Do any other women feel envious of the male parts and wish they had them, themselves? I watch porn from time to time, just mainly masturbation videos focused on the penis and do not look at the person. Sometimes I feel I cannot bear being in a relationship when I feel like this, I would rather have nothing to do with any man cos of this jealousy. By the way, I do not have any lesbian or bi tendencies at all, none!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 November 2013):
 OP I understand to some extent what you are asking.
But as a bisexual woman I doubt I can totally explain it to you.
I think Chigirl's suggestion of a hand held shower massage is awesome... and she's right... once you learn that technique you won't think about the forceful orgasm a penis shows... you will be having them yourself...
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 November 2013):
 I don't what to 'label' your current thinking process about the penis. It does sound like envy, I guess, but maybe it's just that you're not enjoying orgasms as you could because he focuses on his penis and so do you. If you'd take a look at your own anatomy and your own sexual response, without his penis in the picture, so to speak, maybe you'd find your own powerful orgasm.
http://www.policymic.com/articles/62473/cliteracy-21-things-millennials-should-know-about-the-clitoris
P.S. You can go to the gym and increase your own testosterone too, you know. ;) Yes, women make testosterone too. It's an important part of our sex lives.
And maybe once I was jealous of the male ability to reach orgasm quickly, but when I figured out how my body worked, that wasn't something that troubled me any longer.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2013):
Do guys have breast envy then ??
The amount of times guys ask me .. Oo I bet you play with them alot .. Or if I were you I would never get out the house and do you get joggers nipple ?
I think it's more to do with you not easily reaching climax , problem is the more you focus on it, the more difficult it will be to attain it ..
Sex drive is like any other .. Don't use it, you lose it .. So even it your not 100 per cent in the mood just have some fun doesn't have to be full intercourse .. More you do, more relaxed you will be and more this focus will diminish. It natural to think of your bf hard penis .. So that it's bad just stop focussing on your lack of climax .. Just enjoy the sensations
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 November 2013):
 Do you have a massage shower?
Your envy of the quick release will be "washed" away quickly.. Sounds like you just need a good old fashioned hard and heavy orgasm to get it out of your system. Watch something sexy that drives you wild, maybe even have sex with your boyfriend. Then go take care of yourself with the massage shower. An orgasm right after sex is amazing. Better than a man's, I can imagine, as women do have this thing called "multiple orgasms".
First time I tried a massage shower I got 5 orgasms after one another, because I was so new to the sensation. Now it's usually just one, but it's a good and strong one. Especially right after sex. And I can get myself there in minutes if I want it, or I can drag it, but it's just so great you can't hold yourself back.
Go, try it. Think of his penis while you do it for extra pleasure ;)
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (11 November 2013):
Dear OP,
Every now and then, I wish I was a man. I like penis (and pussy as well, but that's another story :)). I admire penises, they're fascinating and I would love to know what it feels like to have one. To pee standing, to jack off, to cum.. I sometimes even dream of it. I'd also like to know how it feels to have balls.
So, I think these thoughts and feelings are normal, or at least you're not alone :).
I partly made my penis fantasies come true by using a strap-on every now and then.. don't know if you and your partner are into this, but I really like it.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (11 November 2013):
 No it's not penis envy. You'd have to read Freud's whole long f*ed up theory to get the whole picture. But in general, penis envy is the theory that during development in children, about age 3-6, there is a focus on genitals and that's when girls first realize they don't have a penis. According to Freud, they then suddenly are overwrought with jealousy and desire for something "so powerful." That's when the Oedipus complex kicks in and little girls suddenly realize they desire penises and find ways to replace their mother to be with their father. Yeah, completely normal, right? Lol.
Anyway, it sounds like what you're experiencing is plain and simple jealousy that they can have really good orgasms and easily while you cannot. Maybe you just wish you could enjoy the physical pleasure of sex or orgasms the way men do. Although, women have the ability for multiple orgasms and also have more nerves down there. So is it really more enjoyable for them? No one can really say. But since you experience difficulty with achieving orgasms it makes perfect sense you would be jealous.
Lastly, it also sounds like you really just have a strong attraction to the male anatomy. You find it hot and sexy to think about or watch a man get off. I would think this is normal for a straight woman (I'm gay so I don't exactly know lol).
Anyway, hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (11 November 2013):
 Hi Pindrop,
I can't really speak for other women as far as the envy. I know that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Womb envy is not mentioned much though it exists. I guess guys are afraid of the homosexual label more than you women are. It's silly really, your fascination with the penis is a sure sign that you are attracted to men.
I've got to say that I have never really understood penis envy until I read your post. I guess all along I thought it was about urinary convenience. I understand much better now the sexual aspects.
As far as advice, be happy with what you have. Enjoy the time you get to play with a partners penis. Make sure you are getting your turns. If your partner is not selfish then all you need to do is communicate. There is no reason for cruel jealousy when he is willing to share it all with you.
FA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2013): Well I guess the grass is always greener. I envy women that seem to have massive orgasms, especially when they can have several in a row. Looks way better than what we get. Ya, we can often do it quickly and easily, but it seems to me that at least some women get much better quality.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2013): I feel the exact same way as you! It really upsets me that it takes so much more effort for me to get in the mood and then enjoy sex than it does for my boyfriend, despite the fact out sex life is ok. I'm afraid I can't offer any advice because I've not figured it out myself yet, but at least you know you're not alone!
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