A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are on holiday, staying in my friend's apartment. She and her boyfriend live here. My boyfriend got upset with me last night as I came to bed in my pyjamas and he said the top was see-through and he hoped I wasn't letting N (the other guy living here) see me like that. We had an argument and he woke me up in the night saying I was ignoring him (but I was asleep). Then this morning he got up early and started saying he was going to book a flight home early as I obviously didn't want to be with him. I was really angry that he'd woken me up and started having a go at me. We ended up talking about the see-through top again and he started videoing me to show me how see-through it is. By the way, it is a bit see-through, but I only wore it in front of him anyway. Also N has been nothing but kind and generous to both of us.Is he just being male or is this overly possessive??Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2012): I have to agree with reader anonymous.If you wore it only for him,there was no need for him to get upset.But if you wore it and went outside to get a drink of water,he has every right to feel upset.Many guys would feel the same way.If I had a friend of mine wearing a see through top before my guy,I would be like,"Does she know?".Forget about anything else,my guy commented on a friend of mine who was wearing revealing clothes.It doesn't matter how kind or generous a guy is.He is still a guy.He is going to see.Thats why your guy reacted but he over reacted.The fact that he didn't let you sleep was still abusive.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (16 December 2012):
 Hi
Sounds to me like he simply didn't want to be there and used this as an excuse. Its not normal behaviour no, and as you only wore the pyjamas in the bedroom it shouldn't upset him to that extent.
Does he get along with your friends and how long have you two been dating? Is this the first time its happened ?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2012): let me tell you something straight, yes, he might have a overreacted a little bit, but honestly in my own opinion i would be upset me too if my girlfriend was running around at our friends place with a see through top. it is not about insecurity or jealousy. it is about respect. why would you have to be showing around your breasts? im sure "N" 's girlfriend would be upset too if you were around their apartment with a see trough top. wouldnt you? if you were unaware, he should have tell you in a nice way and suggested to change it if necessary. but if you knew it from the begining let me tell you that you did wrong and obviously his reaction was wrong too. i respectfully disagree with the opinion of the other posters. no guy likes to have their girlfriend showing up a little bit more than she should.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (16 December 2012):
 It sounds as if he was awake all night stewing over your pyjama top. That's not normal. And videoing you to demonstrate your top being see through is entirely abnormal and downright weird.
It isn't normal male behaviour. It's controlling, possessive, aggressive and not acceptable.
I hope you enjoy the rest of your holiday now that he's gone - unless he was bluffing and is still there? If he hasn't flown home, perhaps you could suggest that he book in to a hotel for the remainder of the holiday.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 December 2012):
 It's not generally "manly", nor is it overly posessive. It's plain ol' bratty, that's what it is. Sulky, bratty, and childish. You're not dating a man, you're dating a spoiled child. This entire argument was stupid, and if he really felt it was awkward for you to wear that top then he could have told you so in a calm manner rather than get upset, sulky and whiney about it. He could have informed you that it was see-through in case you didn't know, and then let you know that it made him feel uncomfortable that you would wear it when N could have seen you in it. Not that N would show you any interest, after all N is spoken for, and with a friend of yours as well, but it might still be out of his comfort zone. He could have then asked you if you wouldn't mind wearing something over the top, just for when walking from room to room.
All of this could have been a calm talk, to hear your viewpoint, for him to express his feelings... It would have been a non-issue had he only acted like an ADULT. But, your boyfriend is not an adult, he is a whiney brat.
It is fairly common to meet whiney brats at any age though, for both genders. So if you don't mind having childish disputes over stupid matters, then by all means, accept his behaviur. If you'd rather have an ADULT relationship however, I suggest you let him take that flight home and instead find yourself a boyfriend who doesn't behave like a 15 year old girl with PMS.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (15 December 2012):
He sounds like an insecure little kid. If you haven't done anything to make him that way (cheating or being distant for real) than his attitude is completely childish.
Maybe he has some mental health issues, or self esteem issues that are making him feel like that.
Either way unless you think he's perfect otherwise it may be best to break up with him, because things like that usually get worse, not better.
I know it's easy for people on the outside to say "break up with him" but based on what we know it's the best thing.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (15 December 2012):
 Not normal at all, now if you were "prancing around" in a g-string and no top I can see him feeling out of sorts but for you to wear a PJ in the room where you are sleeping with your BF? WTF?
Seems like he really doesn't want to be there and want you to cave in and do whatever HE wants.
The only thing that seems obviously is that HE doesn't want to be there.
How long have you two dated? and is that the first time he has reacted like this?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2012): "Is he just being male or is this overly possessive??"
Neither. He's being controlling and pathologically jealous, almost cetainly the first steps towards emotional, verbal and physical abuse.
This guy is bad news, janniepeg's analysis is spot on, you need to get away from him ASAP.
Be advised that when you leave he will tell you he loves you, he will apologize, he will promise it will never happen again, he will cry, he will beg, he will prey on your emotions NOT because he loves you but because he wants to maintain control over you.
That you are making excuses for yourself and your host when you did nothing wrong is exactly the response boyfriednd wants from you. He is a controller and therefore likely an abuser.
Repeat, leave him NOW.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 December 2012):
 I can't speak for his being "male or overly possessive".... but I CAN tell you that he was being an A$S!!!
If he's dumb enough to escalate this such that he takes a flight home... I suggest that you stay behind, say "Good riddance".... and get on with your life and hope (pray?) that the next guy that you choose to take up with isn't as dumb as was this one.....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 December 2012):
 This is not normal. It's not something that causes an argument. He could have requested you to wear a sweater if you wanted to go into the living room to hangout with the other two. He wanted to start an argument out of somewhere. He didn't want to let the issue go. Inside of him he was still heated. He was upset that you went to sleep because to him you should be up all night arguing with him to show you care. So did he really book a flight home? Tell him to go home for good. He is a kind of man who is constantly looking for signs that he will get hurt by you, so an attempt to look nice for him could actually be something harmful for the relationship. If you stick with him you will find countless other examples of how something upsets him and you will scratch your head wondering what you did wrong. He will be threatening to break up, then crawl back saying I love you, and the cycle repeats. He will make you doubt your sanity. He will drain you and bring you down to his level. He obviously does not like happy people.
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