A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Not a love question, just friendship.I have this girlfriend that we are not that terribly close, though enough to be friends for the past 4 years.She is the most unreliable person on Earth, I think.It's impossible to make any decisions with her, she never knows her plans. She almost never answers her phone or text, not immediately, sometimes not ever. Sometimes she does but in proportion 10/90. It's not like we are teens or really young people, we are in our late 30, married with children. Ok, I have one child whose grown up.My friend has 3 children of her own. The youngest is 14, and oldest is already driving.It's not like my friend is taking care of small kids and constantly overwelmed. Plus her husband is a huge help wih her, and he takes care of the majority of driving around on himself.I used to call her and text her, but eventually I found myself catering to her schedule, whenever SHE is availableOf course if she never answers me when I need her, and calls whenever she wants to hang out, of course if I don't go, then that's it, we wouldn never do it "next time" when I can because then she will never pick up her phone.I stopped calling or texting her at all, and we started seeing each other very rarely. Well, now her mother has died suddenly from sickness that progressed very fast. I found out not from her, but her friend. And her friend told me to visit her, as she could use some company right now.I want to be good friend, I call her, she picks up surprisingly and cries on a phone how she doesn't want to be alone, please come.I 've been to her house like 4 times before, but last time it was a year ago. Because I'm so horrible with directions, and ussualy I'm on a phone with her anyway when I drive, so she could lead me to her house, I completely didn't remember how to get to her house.I texted her 3 times , I called her once the day I made a plan to visit, I bought a cake and a bottle of her favorite champagne just to cheer her up a little, and after several hours of waiting I just went on with my day. She actually never answered me, ever.A week passes by, I meet her friend again, and she told me how I really should visit her, as she is so sad. I said, I tried, but she never responded to any of my texts, or calls. I called her not because I wanted to chat, I called her with a specific question on how to get to her house. She knew If she doesn't response there is no way I would find it, and it means I can't come over.So her friend tells me not to hold it against her and just to go to her house.I said, what you mean just to go, I can't do it like that, I have work, I have a family, I can't just stop by her house for 5 minutes, I need to plan at least a little bit, may be she has things to do also.Considering her situation and the sad fact about her mom, I decided to give it one more shot, and on Friday when I was off, I texted her again, asking if I can come over. Yes, you guessed it right, again no response. Then her friend called me asking if I'm going. I said, no, she didn't answer to me again. Now her friend proceeds on telling me that she is also like that, and actually it's ok to be like that, and I shouldn't take it personally.Its not a matter of taking it personally, but how can I be around someone who never responds on my texts, or phonecalss, and it's basically impossible to get in touch with her on my terms also. The way she acts I have to cater to her to be able to see her. I don't think it's right at all. Her friend kept on going implying that I'm taking this way too serious, and I get offended for no reason, am I? Just to mention that my other friends are not like that at all, and more like me with common sense about communication between people.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2012): Thank u all for answering. I just want to say, I m a female, don't know her actual adress, like number of a house and I forgot the street name, as I said, last time I was there almost a year ago, and before that may be 3 times tops. Of course I would use my GPS on my phone to find it, as i do with any other destinations.
Our mutual friend actually explained to me after how to get to her house. She also didn't remember the house number, but told me that I should see her car on a driveway. She also told me that this is how that woman treats her also, and it's absolutely fine with her, as she is the same way.
Well, judging by your answers I m not the only one who thinks that this
behavior is not norm how humans interact, and I don't have to be a part of it. They can treat each other how they want.
A
female
reader, golddigger99  +, writes (16 December 2012):
 Friends grow apart. Look at the qualities she possesses now. Do those qualities define the type of friendship you are looking for? In my opinion, there's an easy fix--stop trying to be her friend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2012): I can think of three possible explanations for her behavior :
1. She actually doesn't want to keep the friendship and is trying to cut you out of her life. Maybe her husband doesn't like her to have male friends. Maybe she just doesn't want to be friends with you, who knows. I'm just saying maybe she's deliberately ignoring you and you should take the hint and leave her alone.
2. She does it as a power play. By keeping you waiting and hanging she is having control over you and it hoists her ego.
3. She doesn't place a high priority on this friendship so she honestly can't be bothered. Its just last on her list of priorities.
Whatever the reason I think you don't need to put anymore effort. If it means the friendship ends then so be it. Continuing it like this isn't a real friendship anyway.
And no its not ok for her to be treating friends like this as a regular thing. During times of stress like the death of her mom then yes its normal cos people fall apart. But it sounds like she is always like this and that isn't normal.
By the way you can always use google maps to get directions to her house.
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