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Is there any way to show people that first impressions of a person were wrong?

Tagged as: Dating, Family, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 October 2015) 2 Answers - (Newest, 1 November 2015)
A male Canada age 22-25, *irstimpressions writes:

I recently started dating this girl, she's 20 and has a 4year old son. I ended up making a horrible first and second impression on her parents and I despartely need to redeem myself.

Three weeks ago her parents were away when I got a call while I was hanging out with some friends , it was my gf she was in tears saying her ex called her and threatened her (he was very abusive in the past) and she was afraid to be alone. I hadn't plan on seeing her so I was drinking / smoking weed with my friends . I got a drive over there to be with with her so she wouldn't be alone. I was stoned out of my mind and had a buzz on . Her parents ended up coming home a night early because the mother wasn't feeling well. They came home to us in bed making out. (Thankfully we were fully clothed) but there was no hiding the fact I was high and drunk. The look her father gave me was enough to show he wasn't overly impressed with me.

The next weekend I was a groomsman in a wedding , I invited her to come but she had to work so she said she would come to the dance after she got off. I had no idea that the grooms father and her father were childhood friends and that they were guest at the wedding. After the wedding ceremony and on the way to the reception we all were doing shots of homemade whiskey in the limo.

By the time we reached the reception we were all pretty wasted. I never noticed her parents in the crowd until I got up and stumbled to say my speech. I wanted to crawl under the table.

Later that night my gf showed up and I honestly dont remember much other then evil glares from her father every time I walked by his table to go to the bar. At one point (I don't remember this but she told me the next day) that we were dancing and I got pretty touchy feelly and her dad walked by and said "show some respect "

I'm not a bad guy. I work full time, I still live at home yes but only because I'm working at paying back student loans, I like to have fun, I occasionally drink an smoke pot but that's the worse I do.

She wants me to go treat or treating with her and her son tonight !

And I'm nervous as hell. I made two horrible impression on her parents already I don't even want to see them again.

I've never been around kids much. Other then family holiday parties her kids is the first one I have ever spent time with .

Is there any way to show these people that first impressions something can be wrong?

View related questions: drunk, ex called, her ex, wedding

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A male reader, Firstimpressions  Canada +, writes (1 November 2015):

Firstimpressions is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I am the thing from a gangster that you will ever find ha! I like to have but I can easily go to a party and not drink or smoke.

The first time I met her parents she was going out with some girl friends and I went to have out with some guys , if I had of known there was the slightest chance of meeting them I would never have smokes pot or gotten drunk.

And with the wedding I was just celebrating with my friends.

Last night went better then I expected. I got some brownie points for dressing up like Batman (her son loves super heroes so I went on the hunt for an adult superhero costume) her son loved it and so did she and even her dad was impressed.

I was nervous and unfortunatly it showed , she told me to relax a few times but I just didn't want to screw up again. Once we left to go trick or treating and it was just the three of us I felt much more relaxed.

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada + , writes (31 October 2015):

janniepeg agony auntIf you have seen the movie "Father of the Bride" with Steve Martin in it, you will know that even with the most decent boyfriend, the father is going to feel negatively about his little princess being taken away.

You don't sound like an addict or a gangster. You sound like a normal young guy just trying to have fun. When you are wasted people just assume you are always like this, with no self control. You can't change your body's tolerance to alcohol. So the only thing you can do is know your limits and politely decline if you know you can't think straight later.

The impression of a wasted person is that he is rough, no manners, no intellect and may treat girlfriends badly. So to give her parents a second good impression you have to make sure you don't drink before meeting her. You will also find that your drinking, smoking lifestyle with the boys have to be cut down. It is an adjustment to make. If you are unwilling to make such adjustment then the father has all his rights to doubt your relationship and give you dirty looks. I know some families do weed themselves, and weed is going to be legalized. Some people are still very conservative and think like Harper. I myself don't find anything bad about being free to consume weed but I just don't see the point either.

One more thing is that her dad is probably very disappointed with her first relationship which was abusive. He was just super vigilant and wants to make sure history won't repeat itself. As long as you, your girlfriend and her kid are having a consistently good time then you will be fine.

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