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He says he has a flirty personality. Why is he giving me mixed signals? Could it be that he's scared to date?

Tagged as: Crushes, Friends, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 October 2015) 4 Answers - (Newest, 1 November 2015)
A female United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Bear with me, this is a little long but he's giving mixed signals,

Yesterday I had a date with the his guy, he picked me up, bought me coffee, we had a great time and he messaged me later that afternoon and we talked for an hour or so.

Today, I start chatting with him again and he asks me if I'm interested in him. Of course, I let him know I am at which point he essentially explains to me I'm not Christian enough and that I will someday go to hell.

He said it much nicer, but that was the gist. He also told me he has a flirty personality that could be taken out of context,

I was annoyed, as I thought he was great but could accept it and made it clear I was wasn't that crazy over him that I couldn't accept an enjoyable friendship.

We kept talking. He kept being his ridiculously sweet self, and asked me to visit it youth group sometime, warning me that those there may try and poke fun of us, because he bought a girl and is being expected to settle into a relationship sometime. Kind of weird, but I'll let it slide.

At the end of the convention, i was joking around and told him he was full of himself to which he replied, "I bet you wish your bed was full of me too"

Now this is where I need an explanation.

A flirty personality is one thing but what? I told him I wasn't that easy, to which he responded, "not even for cuddles?"

Is he just screwing with me knowing he knows I liked him or is he just scared to date someone who doesn't fully share his faith? Help. me.


View related questions: christian, flirt

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada + , writes (1 November 2015):

janniepeg agony auntSo you know that the going to hell comment is not a joke. The wrong idea of Christian is to judge people and make people feel lower than them. Just because one joins a certain church and has connections do not make him a better person. Knowing that you are not going to live the same lifestyle should mean he should back off. It is an Unchristian thing to sleep with non religious people until he can find a Christian wife to marry. If he is as religious as he claims he should not be a hypocrite and should wait like everyone else when it comes to sexual urges. I think this is when you should stop talking to him so you don't give him mixed signals either, or invite further conversations because there is nothing much to talk about. He's either "you are either my kind people or not," or "are you useful as my bedmate or not." He's not scared to date. If he's not scared of sleeping with a girl who's hell bound then there's really nothing to be scared of.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2015):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Essentially, what he meant was he's deeply involved in his church where I'm more agnostic. Our beliefs aren't the same and that troubled him, pretty much because he wants his kids raised in a Christian family with a wife who is going to be going along to church also etc. he told me because I don't have the same faith I won't be going to heaven and he couldn't live with that.

I actually wasn't physically attracted to him. He looks okay, but I actually thought he had a really nice personality from what I've known for him so far.

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada + , writes (31 October 2015):

janniepeg agony auntEither way, you are not too crazy about him. I don't find his jokes funny. After your comment about him too full of himself he did not back off, but instead wanted to cuddle with you or more. That's like saying if you don't want to be my girlfriend at least you want some fun? That's desperate of him. I believe underneath that nice nasty jokey side of him he has a dark side and then underneath that dark side that is an authentic him that won't play mind games with people. However I am not interested in unfolding all that, and make him my project.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (31 October 2015):

This guy is messing around with you. You're not Christian enough? What does he mean by that? Who is he to determine that? Your religious affiliations and depth of conviction is a personal one. He doesn't know you well enough to judge you that way. I would not appreciate even a joke like that!

Then that comment about you wish your bed was full of him?

That was an insult to your character and totally out of line. If he's so "full of faith!"

I'd pass on this guy. Let him take his "flirty-personality" and stick-it where the sun don't shine.

That "nice-nasty" attitude of his is really a front for something dark underneath. You wrote us because you have a gut-feeling you didn't openly indicate in your post. You're physically attracted to him, but his questionable-personality gets in the way. Am I right?

The signals are mixed. You're trying to dismiss the red-flags you've seen, because you so attracted to him.

He intrigues you.

My opinion is, he's is a dick! You should pass on this one and move on. Religiously, he is aggressively judgmental. If you want to pursue a closer relationship with God, go to church and seek spiritual-guidance from someone who isn't "flirty!" He's a bit too critical and gives you indigestion!

If you're looking for a man? Kick him to the curb, toss your hair, adjust your skirt, and move on. He's not right for you.

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