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Is my wife bi-curious?

Tagged as: Friends, Gay relationships, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 February 2012) 3 Answers - (Newest, 2 February 2012)
A male United States age 36-40, *eeding2Know writes:

Thinking My Wife is Bi Curious??

Here's my story, and I'm hoping you guys/gals can give me some insight, and opinions. My wife and I have been together for 9 years, our sex life is pretty good and has actually improved the past couple of years. I would characterize my wife as conservative in some ways. She doesn't drink, watch porn, feels uncomfortable talking dirty, not into toys or masturbation.

*However* I've been noticing that for the better part of the last year she has been going on and on about this very attractive co worker of hers. "Kelly" is ten years her younger, sweet personality, and, honestly, a knock out. Anyways, my wife constantly goes on about how cute she is, has shown me some pics of her hip and lower back tattoos, while commenting that they were "pretty hot." Mind you my wife has never been interested in tats or anything like that. I know you guys are thinking, "no big deal," but this is everyday that she raves about this chick. Although my wife has said that she never talks about sex with the girls, she has told me some of the stuff going on sexually between Kelly and her man. So, for that reason, when women say they don't dish about sex with other women, I call BS,LOL.

Anyways, the crescendo of this whole thing just happened today. We were having some pillow talk and she mentioned that one of Kelly's friends was gay. So I took the lead and asked if Kelly was,at least bi. She pretty much replied of course not. I asked my wife if she ever had bi curiosities, she tells me that she had some curiosity as a teen, but absolutely nothing as an adult. I don't know, I know we're supposed to believe our spouses, but maybe she's afraid to open up?

So for the graphic part, well sorta. I was going down on her after the pillow talk and she was in pure heaven, talking dirty (which is rare for her) and begging me talk dirty to her. So i take the whole bi fantasy and tell her that I want to see Kelly and her together. To make a long story short, my wife got extremely aroused by that fantasy.

I guess my questions boil down to this: Does my wife sound like she,at the least, has some curiosities going on? Second, how do I act on this? Do I encourage her to be open by being non judgmental? Honestly, of course this turns me on, but I'm not sure I would want to act on the FFM fantasy. A part of me just wants to let this be a hot fantasy between me and my wife. Believe it or not, I've seen a marriage dissolve because of a FFM that led to the wife falling in love with her GF, and kicking the hubby out. I'm not interested in following that road obviously.

View related questions: co-worker, porn, sex life, tattoo, the pill

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (2 February 2012):

Tisha-1 agony auntHave you ever noticed how much cleavage is on women's magazines? Women as well as men find looking at attractive women appealing. If it were only images of the opposite sex that sold to heterosexuals, there would be only men on women's magazines. What I'm trying to say is that women like looking at other women, doesn't mean they want to sleep with them.

This sounds more like YOUR fantasy, you "took the lead" and told her about your arousal. You were doing something that felt good to her and I expect she wouldn't want you to stop.

I think she may say anything to encourage you to keep doing the stuff that feels good.

The discussions she's sharing about the sex chats may be a big hint to you as to what she would like YOU to do, not what she would like Kelly to do.

I'd stop trying to get her to open up to you on the premise she's bi-curious--which is YOUR filter--and simply try to encourage her to express her sexuality as she likes. Wouldn't that be the hotter thing to do? It may not be what you fantasize about but at least it would let her be her authentic self.

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A male reader, C. Grant Canada + , writes (1 February 2012):

C. Grant agony auntWhat the first reply said. Great that you've found a hot fantasy. Leave it there. I don't see any value in pressuring your wife to be more open about this -- you don't plan to encourage her to act, so what's the point?

Sounds like you're a lucky guy.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States + , writes (1 February 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntWomen dish about sex. Also she can admire Kelly or even have a girl crush and not want to be sexual with her. Being Bi-curious is normal. Having Bi fantasy is normal. Acting on it does not always make it better…

Leave it as a fantasy.

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