A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is probably going to sound really petty, but I need some advice. My dad is kinda dictating what my life should be like. I have arranged spend the day and watch a movie tomorrow with my best friend, whom lives in a different city than I. We have been looking forward to it for weeks now. Then my boss called asking if I could work tonight ( I am a substitute barkeeper working at a club) which would mean I'd be home at around 6am. Since I start at around 11pm and clean up at 3, I get paid for 4 hours of work only. I declined because I don't want to show up at my friends place all groggy. (We arranged to meet at around 10:30am) Then my dad got angry because I let my social life get in the way of more important things like work. The problem is, after 4 years of throwing my whole life into my uni studies, not going on holidays, not going out and working to pay for it, I am not seeing any benefits. And I am rather tired of it. My school recently acquired a very very bad reputation because of money fraud and degree fraud, and I'm experiencing problems getting an internship because companies don't want to hire students from my Uni anymore. I'm in my last year and I'm doing my best to finish it up, but I see my social life withering away. I only have about 4 friends, and I see them once a month, if that. I feel alone a lot and at 22 I feel I should at least have the foundations of a support network in my life settled. I never managed to have a lasting relationship with a bf because I never had enough time to dedicate to him. My friends complain they always come second, and to be honest, they do. I still live at home, in a small, hard to access village because of the crisis and because I don't want to be in debt, but that also means my dad is basically calling the shots in the household. Am I being stupid for choosing my friend over work this one day in this economic crisis? I saved up a lot and even loaned my dad $4000 of my savings to help out in the household because I never spend any money. Anyway, sorry for the ramble, but I'm just tired and...unhappy I guess. Need some fresh eyes to take a look at this. Don't hold back in your answers.
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best friend, debt, money, my boss, on holiday Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your insight :) Sometimes I just need to know if what I'm thinking and doing is reasonable, because there aren't many other people to judge and correct me (besides my dad, and well...)
He just has the ability to make me feel guilty about every little thing I do he doesn't agree with. Sometimes he's right, sometimes, I'm right, and sometimes I just don't know, like this time. So thank you all. I do want to have lived my life, not just be alive.
@pinktopaz: I'd generally finish at around 3:30 (cleaning the place up, that is) and then I have to travel home, which takes quite a while because of my village's inconvenient location. The upside is I usually work with a guy I know who lives not too far from me and we split driving costs in 2. I'm usually in bed by 6, give or take.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 April 2012):
 Sometimes you have to make a choice. I would say your Dad is overreacting a little on this. YOU didn't blow of your job for a social thing, you just declined 4 hours extra work.
I worked 3 jobs during college, and if I had too much school work or a social event, I would also decline extra hours. If I was in need of money badly I would take all the extra hours I could get my hands on lol.
What you did was fine.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (14 April 2012):
 your Dads wrong , you do as you please , you helped him financially which proves your responsible. Hope you get your life on track and can leave home and all the rest behind you and reap the rewards of your hard studying and work
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (14 April 2012):
I think if you called in sick to spend time with your friend, then that would be irresponsible. But your employer called last minute and wants you to work all night. And how are they able to get away with paying you for 4-hours when you're working for 7? How is that even legal?
Anyway, I think your dad is just trying to look out for your best interests and maybe if he was you he would have gone in, but he's not you. I don't think it's a big deal at all. Plus, you seem to be on the right track anyway.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2012): Your dad's priorities and yours are very different. He's responsible for a household with his own well established routine, friends and methods of having fun. Of course he's going to be worried about money and of course he wants you to succeed because he knows how hard it is to live with very little money if he has to borrow $4000 from you.
The simple fact of your situation though OP is you need to live too, you need to have fun, enjoy your youth and be able to look on your life as having lived.
Just tell your dad you need him to cut you some slack $4000 bucks in his bank account says you're doing what you can to save, work and move ahead in your career but you need to unwind every now and again too and just let go or you'll burn out and be unhappy. All work and no play makes jack... etc.
Ask him if when he was your age he enjoyed his life? Ask him if he knew how to work but also to have fun. Ask him if both parts of life are necessary to living well? Then finally ask him to trust you, you want to do well but you need to enjoy yourself too.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 April 2012):
 I think you made the right call. You work and study and have enough money to lend your dad 4000 dollars. That says something about your economy going in the right direction, and everyone should have time to themselves to relax and be with friends or else you'd go mad.
It's just all too easy to stand on the outside and be critical. And many parents (or other family members) can be very critical and hard to please. Ignore it. Your dad is in the wrong, but there is no point in arguing it with him. Just look forward to the day you can move out and he'll get his nose out of your business.
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