Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2015): I doubt he would make the suggestion himself to hire a private investigator IF he was guilty of anything.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (28 January 2015):
 OP, the high-riding Bitch is Karma, who haunts those who have done an intentional wrong to a fellow human being.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2015): Hi OP. My fella spends 2 hours (yes) in the gym working out. He goes there after work and I wonder why he spends so long there but I don't suspect him of cheating. I just wonder how anyone cannot get bored of a gym after 1 hour or just be so tired he comes home earlier than that. Personally I would struggle to have a steam / Jacuzzi / shower or whatever within the space of half an hour. But in any case I would not expect anyone to be worrying or watching the clock. Whilst on first reading this you could easily come across as a little paranoid I cannot help but wonder why your instinct is heightened and what other signals he is giving off. It doesn't sound like he is cheating to me but if you are worried then can you get a one day pass or temporary membership of the place and just 'surprise' him one day when he is there. This may help put your mind at rest or just prove you are right. I think you need some pretty obvious evidence and you have not got it so far. I agree with another person's suggesting that hiring a private detective for a week might work. If you genuinely suspect he is cheating and having intercourse with another woman then perhaps you should refrain from having 'amazing sex' with him yourself or get yourself tested for STI's in case you are sharing his penis.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 January 2015):
 I'm not the one who used the term "karma" or pointed out the irony that the one who cheated with the married man is now the one worried that he will cheat again.
Though you say now that you aren't worried.
I still think you should have a plan but I expect that you won't develop one.
OP, you've written in about this relationship before. I recognize the tone and the insecurity.
You really do need to have a plan because you are so wound up about his inability to stay faithful that your intuition is screaming at yourself to make some better decisions.
I think it's been about 2 years now and he treated you horribly at the start. You stuck around because you liked the drama and the sex.
Get a plan so you don't have to write in here every 2 weeks fretting that he's going to cheat on you too. Because I expect he will.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2015): It's the OP.Tisha:"High Riding Bitch" isn't being judged?No plan.I was having a moment of weakness. It goes with the territory, you know?But I DO trust him.The worry is my cross to bear. Because he has done nothing logically for me to think he is doing anything wrong. And he continues to reassure me how happy he is with me and that he has no need or desire to go elsewhere. It is emotionally that I worry. You can see why. But I realize the worry is not rooted in reality. I think that people who have not been faithful could have been in bad relationships. Yes, it would have been better to deal with it before entering another relationship but it isn't always black and white. And moreover, not every person who has cheated goes on to become a serial cheater. Every situation is unique.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 January 2015):
 Well OP you are not being Judged. You are just being shown WHY you don't trust your spouse. He's not trustworthy and you know this for a fact.
I doubt that anything we say or do will help.
You say you have a 6th sense about him but yet you are still asking US if we think he's cheating.
Just for argument's sake let's say he is lying to you and is cheating on you by saying he's at the health club but is with his mistress somewhere else (where did you go with him when you were his mistress?)
ok so now we "know" he's cheating.
what's your plan?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2015): If he is 61 and still able to perform amazing sex with you then he must love you very much and probably he is trying to keep fit and in good shape to be able to do that.In my opinion he is not cheating so stop worrying.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2015): Tisha, OP here.
So do you think he is cheating then?
This was my original question.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2015): It's OP.I am not sure what my plan is. I was just looking for some advice here.You are correct, Tisha. I do have a sixth sense about him and I should know if or when he is doing something like that. Problem is I will always be paranoid and I will always have a sixth sense that may not actually be rooted in reality but in paranoia and fear. He may never do anything wrong but I will always think he is. I know it's my karma but there is a story behind this. I won't get into it because it won't matter as I can see I am already being judged.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 January 2015):
I guessed right then. OP, obviously you'll have to figure out how to cope with knowing he's an unfaithful type.I think you know enough about him to have a sixth sense as to when he is cheating.
So what was your plan should he cheat on you? Now is the time to put that into action.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (26 January 2015):
Yep a high-riding Bitch...
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 January 2015):
OH OP.... "he cheated on his last wife with me"
yeah well Karma's a bitch....
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (26 January 2015):
Yes, you are being paranoid. There are much better places to have sex than a gym closet. And you could EASILY spend an hour taking a shower, hitting the steam room and soaking in the hot tub.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 January 2015):
What could he be doing there for an hour? Maybe he's getting some fresh air and space from an overly clingy and insecure wife?
What evidence, besides his use of the sauna and steam room for 30-60 minutes a couple of times a week, do you have for him cheating?
And not to add to your paranoia which seems unhealthy for the relationship, but the stereotype of a man in saunas at a bathhouse is usually that he's having sex with other men.
If this is your only concern you need to get a grip. If there are dozens of examples of his cheating in the past then by all means share them.
I'm guessing you are wife #2 based on age spread and the sex frequency, so perhaps you already know he's willing to cheat on his wife and now you get to live with that eternal uncertainty.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2015): I am the OP.
He said the women's area is on a separate floor from the men's but still...
So Very Confused,
He cheated on his last wife with me, left her and married me.
I guess this would be my karma. :(
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 January 2015):
I used to belong to a lovely club that had a sauna, a steam room, and a whirlpool.
while I did take classes, I used the above mentioned items also. they were in the woman's locker room and nowhere near any men.
what makes you not trust him?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 January 2015):
 I think a health club is different from a bathhouse. If there are masseuse therapists there, they are professional and would quickly decline extra offers. People with lewd conduct would be kicked out. Maybe you don't understand what's the appeal to a health club. I myself wish there are hot springs in my city as they are great for relaxing and rejuvenating.
I don't think there's anything suspicious about hanging there for an hour, even though a quickie could take 5 minutes or less.
A husband who loves you does not need an extra outlet for sex. Even if he has to go through periods without it, his conscience and fear of losing you would be enough to stop cheating.
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