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Is it too young for a sixteen year old and a twenty year old to hook up and start dating?

Tagged as: Age differences, Dating, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 August 2007) 13 Answers - (Newest, 13 August 2008)
A male United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Is it too young for a sixteen year old and a twenty year old to hook up and start dating? Its only four years. Just look at my parents they're six years apart and they love each other and my friend's parents are fifteen years apart. But when young people date at a young age at a four year difference it's like the end of the world. Why is that? I understand the age of sexual consent act, but you don't need sex to love each other and have a good relationship. Do you?

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A female reader, rockstar23 United States +, writes (13 August 2008):

Ok well i'm in the same situation only difference is i'm 24 and shes 16. Her mom found out yesterday that we've been with eachother but luckily hasn't called the cops yet. I do have to stay away from her and what not to save myself from goin to prison but we do get to see eachother when we go to work cause we work together. Anyways, I feel the same way there isn't nothin wrong with people that are dating someone over the age of 16 cause age is just a number. People that do have a few years apart do have a better relationship than most people that are the same age. My grandparents have been married for 46 years and they are 5 years apart so i mean they do work out. Its the people that make the relationship not the society. Also be careful X her parents could be psycotic and you just don't know it. Now as far as talking to the parents an bein honest that part doesn't work tried didn't work but our relationship is on the big DL so we don't get caught. Anyways, good luck need anything other advice holla at me.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007):

well i agree with most of the coments on this page, as im kinda in the same aituation except im 18 and the guy ive fallen for is 28this week i dont know if he likes me back but every now and then he acts like he does and you know what im going to wait until the day he turns round to me and say ive binwaitin 4u my whole life but if hes there for u now then take it but remember at least tell ur parents how u both feel about each other they will feel better about it if you r open and honest with them.

good luck to you both x

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2007):

i think its fine can sum1 tell me is it wrong for a 15 year old tp go out wid a 13 yr old

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2007):

Im with a 20yr old and im 16 and we get on fantastically.sex doesnt count for alot in r relationship but as we both trust eachother 100% its nice for the itimacy evry now and then. i dnt think its wrong at all, go for it x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2007):

Im with a 20yr old and im 16 and we get on fantastically.sex doesnt count for alot in r relationship but as we both trust eachother 100% its nice for the itimacy evry now and then. i dnt think its wrong at all, go for it x

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A female reader, DIE-romantic. United Kingdom +, writes (1 September 2007):

DIE-romantic. agony auntNope, 4 years isnt a huge difference. Especially when you are at a mature age to date and know what you want out of a relationship. No you dont need sex to make a great relationship. Its just a way to express love which people take for granted. It should only be dont when ready, no rush and regret. But yeah, many people worry about under-age sex nowadays. But 16 is the legal age to have sex in this country, I think its the same in America. So I dont see the problem. Dont worry, you're doing nothing wrong.

Take care xxxxxxxxx

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A male reader, Escalaya United States +, writes (31 August 2007):

Escalaya agony auntDon't forget by engaging in any sexual act with anyone under the age of 18 (16 in some states) that it is a federal offense and can get you locked up for statutory rape.

I think the general rule is if the person is three years, or more younger, or older than you. Than it is statutory rape.

If you are over 18, and she is not. It is statutory rape.

Most people don't care, however, if confronted by their parents, they can choose to press charges against you. So be careful of that.

Also, no. You don't need sex for a great relationship. The reason it's like the end of the world is because alot of times, think about when your parents hooked up. It could be that the times have changed, and what WAS acceptable, is no longer.

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A male reader, Gil-T United States +, writes (30 August 2007):

While physically, Im sure, she can endure the act of sex—mentally I don’t think she could have any kind of a relationship with a grown man of twenty, unless of course you have some sort of handicap that constricts your mental abilities to that of a sixteen year old kid.

Sure, maybe she is already sexually active at this young age—and your logic may be, “Well she’s already doing it, may as well be with me.”, but that’s friken retarded! She is going to have many different experiences through out her sexual exploration, do you really want to be that asshole/peder-ass that fucked her when she was sixteen.

If you really do attempt a relationship with this girl you could end up hurting her in the end when you finally realize (if you’re smart) that she is not mentally or emotionally equipped to maintain an adult relationship. Or you could end up getting hurt when she realizes that you’re no fun because you have to be an adult and take care of all your adult type bull-shit and she cant be a baby and have you take her to the club every night of the week.

But I don’t know, maybe Im wrong. Maybe this chicks something really special, and in this case Im sure she would be well worth the wait.

In any case, here in America, its not Ok for a twenty year old man to have sex with (or "hook up"/“date”, whatever you want to call it) a sixteen year old girl—no matter what the circumstances may be.

Think about it; would you want some twenty year old dude balling down your sixteen year old little girl; Or how bout your little sister? I don’t know about you but Id be seriously kicking some ass.

Ps. Don’t get twisted on the opinions of others who live in other lands where they’re not bound by the same moral laws and codes. Im not sure if it’s true or not, but I have heard that sixteen is the age of consent for sex in much of Europe—so naturally their perspective on the matter would be, “I dont see a problem with this age gap in the slightest, I had only just turned 17 when i started going out with a 25 year old...” or, “I can't really see a problem with this, 4 years is not a great deal really...” I’m not saying that they’re wrong, I simply stating that there are some cultural differences that must be examined before you weigh the advice which is given on this site. I wish I could say “Sure! Fuck a sixteen year old, they’re great!” (and they were) but I’m afraid that would just get you into a lot of trouble. And you yourself are quite young, I’m sure you don’t need a sex offender wrap following you around for the rest of your life.

Oh yeah, one more thing: If you’re already fucking around with this chick—I suggest you keep her very happy or else you could end up in such a predicament as described in Basschicks comment.

Remember what they say kid, “Sixteen will get you twenty.”

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom + , writes (30 August 2007):

kenny agony auntI can't really see a problem with this, 4 years is not a great deal really. It sounds alot because she is 16, but in a few years when she is 20 and you are 24 it won't be hardly noticable.

Goodluck

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A male reader, duce00 United States +, writes (30 August 2007):

duce00 agony auntId listen to Basschick my friend. Not to downplay your feelings but real love between a man and a woman is a much bigger thing most 20yr olds or especially 16yr olds can really understand. There is a good reason we have laws about this. The consequences of of this relationship could be legal, pregenancy, or a dangerously angry parent (especially if shes the 16 yr old). None of those are good for either of you. If she is the love of your life and Ms. Right and angels sing when your around eachother, 2 yrs wont change it.

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A female reader, Basschick Australia +, writes (30 August 2007):

Basschick agony auntIt puts the 20-yr. old in a bad position since he/she could be accused of rape and have charges brought against them (even though the 16 yr. old was willing, the courts never look at it like this). If one or both of your parents is against this relationship, they could start the ball rolling to convict the older person. It would ruin both your lives. Better to wait and date someone your age and when you're over 18, you can pursue someone that much older without a concern.

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A male reader, Jamer70 United Kingdom +, writes (30 August 2007):

Jamer70 agony auntWell if you understand the sexual consent age and what you can and cannot do, i see no problem with you to dating if you do love each other its perfectly OK.

people may say different but you have to ignore these people and over come there gossip

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A female reader, jezz United Kingdom +, writes (30 August 2007):

jezz agony auntit doesnt matter how old you are as long as you love and trust each other, i have dated a much older bloke myself and everybody said it was too big a age gap but we carried on and ignored the people. i think that it would be fine to date somebody four years older than your sekf follow your heart.

good luck x

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