A
female
age
30-35,
*essica1355
writes:Okay, soThere's this girl (let's call her..Rebecca).So a couple years ago, Rebecca started going out wit hone of my close friends (Tommy), and after a month or two him and I got closer. It eventually lead to us kissing, talking, and touching. They broke up twice, she found out about "us" and didn't want to have anything to do with me. Then they got back together after a couple months of being apart and he cheated on her with me again. I felt horrible, because I really actually did not make any moves on him. He put his hands in my pants and I grabbed ahold of his arm and asked him what he was doing and stopped him. She somehow found out about it later on. But anyway, this is just the first part. She has now been with someone else for either 19 months or 20. His name is Cody. So she has been with Cody for ages and I've never really thought of him as more of a friend, in fact we didn't even talk that much. But ever since we joined the same club and we all went on this trip together where his girlfriend couldn't be, things changed. We got to know each other, and I found him to be fascinating. We flirted a lot, and I wasn't sure if he was just fooling around or if he actually was developing feelings for me. Well it turns out he was developing feelings for me. And it's been almsot two weeks since the trip. The furthest we've gone is making out because I don't want to have sex with him while he is still with his girlfriend. I already know it's wrong. I just want to know if it's too soon to ask him if he'd break up with his girlfriend. We meet up secretly just to talk about life and stuff, and he's made it clear on several occasions that he's not into me to get into my pants, and that he'd prove it by not touching me. They've been together for almost two years, and I really don't know what to do. I like him, but I've already gotten Rebecca's last ex to cheat on her with me. I know I'm a pretty shit person to be doing this...again. He likes me, and I'm not just saying it. (Not sure if this has any relevance but, he does not love his girlfriend, he claims to not even believe in love). HELP.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 June 2010):
 Best of luck!
A
female
reader, Jessica1355 +, writes (2 June 2010):
Jessica1355 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionokay, i forgot to log onto this to tell you guys, but i ended things with him. we didn't have sex or anything. it wasn't right, and i've actually met someone else who is SINGLE :) i want to thank you guys for helping me though!
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (21 May 2010):
 You are not a victim of circumstance or "bad timing". Somehow you keep "finding" yourself in a position where you're spending time with this girl's boyfriends and then playing innocent when they come on to you. Either you're not telling the full story or you're just refusing to acknowledge the role you are playing in creating these situations. Were you interested in Tommy or Cody BEFORE they started seeing Rebecca?
Think about this: neither Tommy nor Cody made an effort to break up with Rebecca to be with you. Despite claiming that they really, really like you, both guys were more than happy to fool around with you, but not interested in making you "official". You shouldn't have to ask him to leave his girlfriend; if is serious about you,he will do it without your prompting.
If I were in your shoes, I would stay away from guys who have girlfriends PERIOD. If you get a reputation as a boyfriend stealer, you're going to have a hard way to go. Demand more of yourself and stop settling for these jerks.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 May 2010):
 Ah, but I have been in your shoes. The most glorious guy was dating a girl I knew. He and I were on a weekend leaders' school trip together when I was in 11th grade, we sat next to each other and we got very close, talking about everthing. He was so smart and handsome and charming and we had so much in common.
He brushed my hair, I remember sitting with him behind me, and he was so tender and sweet and nice. He would almost hold my hand and I could feel myself being totally attracted to him.
If he wasn't in a relationship, I would have totally gone for it. However, he WAS in a relationship and therefore, off limits.
His girlfriend and I became good friends and she later told me she had been very threatened by me. I still remember her, the funny thing is I can't remember his name.
I can look back on the whole episode without regret.
I don't think you'll be as fortunate if you keep going for this.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 May 2010):
And how long did you date Tommy after they broke up?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 May 2010):
Are you interested in any single guys, or has it only ever been Rebecca's boyfriends?
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A
female
reader, Jessica1355 +, writes (20 May 2010):
Jessica1355 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't know if I posted my answer up already or not, but it's not a competitive thing. I like Rebecca, she's sweet, nice, and I'm so glad she forgave me that first time. I like her, and yeah I know I'm a bad friend for doing whatever with her boyfriend. It's not that I only like people that are in relationships. Everything is jsut really bad timing. But thank you! I will try and talk with him today. Maybe.. just imagine yourselves in my shoes? Because it's not as simple as stated.
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A
female
reader, Jessica1355 +, writes (20 May 2010):
Jessica1355 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's not that I don't like the girl or anything, she's sweet, she's super nice. And I'm not trying to compete or anything, I like her. I've just gotten to know him so well. We both have a lot of things in common. I know I'm a pretty bad friend, It's not that I want to be involved with guys who cheat, it's just realllly bad timing. Because if he was single and we'd have gone on that trip, chances are the same thing would have happened, only we'd be allowed to be together. But thank you SO much for the answers...I'll talk with him today.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (19 May 2010):
So, you like cheaters. I must say I honestly think you can do better than be the second dish to some lousy guy who disrespects his gf. Poor Rebecca winded up with cheaters, thats honestly not YOUR fault. I say ditch this new guy. If he likes you so much he should have already left Rebecca, but has he? NO. Red Flag. He cheats with you he will most likely cheat on you too! And how do you know this is the first time he cheats on Rebecca? I mean come on, are you really so amazing that great honest guys just can't keep their hands to themselves when you come around? Or is there a slight chance that this guy is a cheater by nature, already cheated several times, and you are just another one of those times?
Don't get me wrong, you are probably a beautiful and gorgeous girl, but don't flatter yourself too much. Good, decent, honest, respectful guys dont cheat. No matter how pretty the girl. This guy was bad even before you came along, so stay away.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 May 2010):
Jessica, you really don't like Rebecca, do you? This is a repeated pattern for you, and you claim that it's not your fault, that it's the guy chasing you. If this had happened once, I might have given you the benefit of the doubt. But twice? Nope, now there's a pattern developing.
I think you find some sort of gratification in competing with Rebecca by seeing if you can get the boyfriend's attention; it's like a "win" for you.
You can ask this guy to leave his girlfriend for you, but I think that if he REALLY wanted to be with you, he'd have broken up with her by now, especially as he claims he's not in love. You wouldn't have to ask. He'd be with you in an official boyfriend/girlfriend capacity, though apparently, without using the word "love." Which is puzzling in and of itself.
At any rate, the honorable thing to do would be to tell this guy that you will not be doing anything else at all with him, not even talking/flirting, until he is single. Then you'll find out if he's truly as into you as he claims and you think.
And you WILL be looked at oddly by other people, as you are clearly gunning for Rebecca's boyfriends. Actions speak louder than words in this instance. You can protest all you'd like, but the consequences of your actions and your choices are pretty clear here.
Good luck with everything.
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female
reader, brklynsis81 +, writes (19 May 2010):
 You already feel like you are a bad friend for doing this. Why not trust your gut and detach yourself from this guy, and seek out a boyfriend who is actually available? Why do you even want to be involved with guys that you know will cheat? You are a bad friend.
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